The Peanut Gallery
by Starryoak
Summary: Total Drama All Stars has rolled around, and the non contestants have to watch. They'll be betting on who's going next, who's coming back, pretty much on anything and everything. Minor shipping possible.
1. Heroes VS Villains

"Hey everybody, it's about to start!" A loud voice rang out over the intercom of the Playa De Losers as everyone filed into the TV room, even those who looked less than happy to be there, such as the perpetually angry Eva and a slightly less angry Leshawna.

"We have like two minutes before it airs, guys, calm down." A smiling teen grinned, walking in with his guitar and handprint shirt. "Anyone taking bets on who'll win?"

"Me hope Sam wins!" A voice from the back of the room said in a deep voice, her scaly orange skin matching the orange bean bag chair she sat on.

"I dunno, Dakota, Sam's not exactly a fearsome competitor." Beth walked in with a huge bowl of popcorn covering her face, which was quickly snatched by Izzy, who was hanging in the rafters, whisking it over to Owen. "I was looking forward to eating that..." She sighed.

"Kiss it goodbye, Beth, you'll never see that popcorn again." Noah said, sitting beside Cody on two reclining chairs. "Anyway, my bet's on Mike, he seems pretty worthy."

"I hope Gwen wins." Cody sighed, lovestruck.

"Of course you would." Noah smirked, sneaking a bite of Owen's popcorn, which Owen surprisingly allowed.

"I hope Jo wins. She's a real competitor, even if she's rough around the edges." Brick smiled sweetly.

"Sounds like somebody's in lurrrve!" Izzy popped down from the rafters and grinned, poking Brick.

"Guys, it's starting!" Owen grinned, shoveling more popcorn into his mouth, occasionally handing it to Noah, who would take a handful and pass it back.

_"Coming from you somewhere in Muskoka, we welcome you to the newest season of Total Drama! Where we take you all the way back to the newly semi-decontaminated Wawahnakwa Island!" An invisible voice narrated over a black screen, lights flashing occasionally._

"Di-did the narrator say semi-decontaminated?" Noah shuddered.

_The opening frame shows what the campers presume to be Chef Hatchet's hand clutching an orange manila folder, panning out to reveal that they seemed to be in a prison, Chef being escorted by a guard, walking past several inmates, one of whom made kissy faces at Chef and the guard. Chef looked vaguely concerned as Chris's voice rang out from somewhere off camera._

_"And the Crusty Cockroaches have a big lead over the Soiled Stinkbugs!" Chris's voice continued off camera, Chef's face increasingly concerned._

_"Cram it Mclean!" Another prisoner shouted from off camera as well, the owner chuckling idiotically._

_"Lightning slips past Duncan, and the heat is on, yeah, look at that!" The camera pans over to reveal Chris in an orange jumpsuit, watching two bugs fight. "That's what I'm talking about!"_

"Is it just me, or is Chris less, y'know, sane, than usual..." Harold asked, having slipped over to Leshawna, sitting on her lap. Leshawna shoved him off, but quickly pulled him to her side again.

"Yeah, I saw that too..." Geoff said, pausing from his make out session with Bridgette.

_"Well well well, look who finally came to visit me after a whole year." Chris said, glaring at Chef._

_"C'mon." Chef sighed, glaring back. "You've finished your sentence for dumping toxic waste."_

_"Whatever, think I'll stay right here, got everything I need." Chris flashed the camera a grin._

"Is he serious?" Cody asked Noah, attempting to sneak a bite of popcorn, but Noah swatted his hand away and handed Owen the popcorn.

_"-Including," Chris rummaged in his pockets. "Chef 2.0!." He pulled out a small cashew that bore a disturbing resemblance to Chef. "From a cashew."_

"He's definitely dropped off the deep end." Bridgette added.

"Ooh, I've been there! It's fun, my mom actually went into labor underwater!" Izzy popped up over by Bridgette, scaring Geoff.

"That explains so much, and yet so little..." Noah continued to defend the popcorn from Cody's increasingly desperate attempts to obtain some.

_Chef slipped the manila folder into Chris's cell. "What's this?" Chris asked, suspiciously._

_"Yo contract." Chef explained off camera. "The producers greenlit another season." Chef said. "So, you in?"_

_The camera played dramatic music for a second, panning in on Chris. "It is on!"_

"This can't end well." Tyler sighed. "It reminds me of when I jumped off that 50 foot cliff and broke my ankle."

_After the opening played, the camera opens on Wawahnakwa Island. "Welcome to Total Drama All Stars. After my involuntary yearlong vacation..." The camera cuts to Chris on the Dock of Shame, air quoting the last bit. "I really need to be in a familiar environment, surrounded by the people I love... To hurt." He gave a smirk and an evil laugh._

"Almost forgot he has no soul, although just for a second." Noah said, relenting and allowing Cody to take a handful of popcorn, who wolfed it down greedily.

_"It's a condition of my parole." Chris grinned. "Except for the hurt part, eh, that's all Mclean!" He pointed to himself. "So, I'm bringing back 14 TD All Stars to battle it out in the most dangerous, death defying, One Million Dollar competition, ever!" The robot standing next to Chris revealed the million dollar case, the chopper blowing away some stray bills._

"Give or take." Leshawna laughed. "Hey, that robot's new."

"Oh, he's not exactly new, Leshawna." A high pitched sweet voice came from the seat behind her, revealing Dawn, meditating on a lawn chair. "He is a tortured soul who endured much pain for this show."

"So he's an intern or whatever?" Anne Maria said, filing her nails absentmindedly.

_"And here they are now!" Chris smiled, panning up to the helicopter. "From Revenge of The Island, Say hello to..."_

_"-Multiple Mike!" A hand shoved an apprehensive looking Mike off the chopper, Mike flailing as he fell off camera._

_"AKA, Chester," Chris said, as Mike gasped, clutching his back and pinching one eye. "-Svetlana," He gasped, switching personalities again. "Vito," His hair slicked back and his eyes narrowed._

"Oh yeah, Vito's back!" Anne Maria cheered happily, dropping her nail file to raise her hands in a cheer.

_"And Manitoba." Chris finished, Mike seemingly reverting to normal, though Manitoba's scream of "Crikey!" gave him away. "Mike's crush, pushover turned powerhouse, Zoey." The camera cut back to Chris, who smiled and pointed upward._

_"Huh, Mike!" Zoey jumped after her boyfriend._

_"Athletic non-supporter, Lightning!" Chris said, as the newly white haired Lightning looked down at Zoey._

_"You call that a dive? Watch this!" He began, but was cut off by Chef's boot kicking him off the chopper. "Sha-ugh!" He clutched his butt in pain._

"You know, white hair kind of suits him." Harold added.

"Yeah, all he had to do was get struck by lightning. Kind of ironic, actually." Trent laughed, taking a break from strumming his guitar.

_"Bubble Boy brainiac, Cameron." Chris added._

_"This is highly illogical!" Cameron protested as Chef tossed him off the helicopter._

_"Gregarious mutant loving gamer," Chris said, as Chef walked over, carrying Sam by his shirt. "Sam." _

"Sam!" Dakota squealed. "That's me!" She added.

_"Challenge throwing dirt farmer, Scott!" Chris said._

"What's a dirt farm?" Justin asked from the back of the room.

"It's where the owners refuse or cannot afford helpers, gosh!" Harold said, hugging Leshawna, who pushed him away, hiding a blush.

_The camera cut back to the copter, where Scott was clinging desperately to Chef's leg, Chef prying him off and tossing him down with the others._

_"Bossy bruiser, Jo!" Chef added. "Who dominated, until her underling turned on her."_

Brick brightened up considerably at this statement. "Go Jo!"

_The camera cut back to reveal Jo resisting Chef's efforts to shove her out of the plane, throwing him off. "You're a dead man, Mclean!" She shouted, before Chef body checked her off the copter, Jo screaming, and Chris laughing._

"Hey!" Brick growled.

_"And, from the original cast..." Chris began. "Cranky know it all CIT, Courtney!" Chef walked onscreen, carrying Courtney in by her ankle._

_"This is not in my contract!" She screeched at Chef, pointing accusingly, Chef glaring and dropping her._

_"Courtney's bestie turned boyfriend stealer, Gwen!" Chef carried Gwen over his shoulders, tossing her down too._

_"He wasn't her boyfriend at the tiiime!" Gwen screamed._

"Actually, he was." Geoff added.

"Well, they were already pretty much in splitsville by that point." Bridgette added, defending her friend.

_"Broody bad boy Duncan." Chris stated._

_"Bring it on!" Duncan barely looked up and fell calmly._

_"Devious Diva, Heather!" Chris said._

_"I hate Chriiiis!" She screamed._

"We all do." Trent said. Everyone else booed at Heather's appearence.

_"Loveable lame-brain, Lindsay." Chris added, Lindsay flapping her arms._

_"I'm flying!" She grinned, before realizing she was in fact, not, and plummeting._

_"Super fan, Sierra!" The camera cut to Chris. "Total Drama's number one stalker- Uh, blogger!"_

"Nice catch, Mclean." Noah grinned.

_"For Cody!" She cannonballed without Chef's intervention, sending the other contestants scattering, and causing a massive splash._

"Oh man, she's back to crazy again, isn't she..." Cody shrunk back into his recliner in defeat.

_"And..." Chris gave a more malicious grin. "Feral freakshow, Ezekiel!" The camera cut to Chef dropping Ezekiel by his hoodie, revealing the homeschooled hobgoblin was still green and freaky, snarling._

"The vents feel so empty without him." Izzy said genuinely.

_"What?" The cast shrieked, with Lightning coming in late._

_Ezekiel plummeted, hair coming back slightly, tongue out, but was interrupted by a plunger grabbing on to him, and Chris laughing. "Kidding!" The robot retracted the plunger."No way is that guy coming back again." Chris said, snapping his fingers, causing the robot to fire off the plunger, Ezekiel screaming as he was rocketed to the other side of the island. Chris sighed happily. "Man, it's great to be back!"_

"Taking bets on when Zeke comes back?" Trent said, several contestants handing him various increments of money, most notably Eva handing him some form of European currency, before sheepishly replacing it with a dollar.

"I predict that he seeks revenge on the one who hurt him." Dawn said sagely, sneaking a bite of Owen's popcorn. "Episode 9." She handed Trent a ten dollar bill, earning shocked looks from everyone else.

"Heavy better, I see." Trent smirked, pocketing the bill.

"Can I change my bet?" Noah asked.

"Sorry, all bets are final." Trent said, shrugging.

_The camera cuts to off the coast of Wawahnakwa, everyone having made it, groaning in pain. "Greetings old friends." Chris walks by, robot wheeling in behind him. _

_Heather coughed up a starfish, throwing it away. "I am not your friend!" She said._

_"Aw, somebody misses their hunnybunny!" Lindsay hugged Heather's hair._

_"Who, Alejandro?" Heather scoffed. "As if!" She shoved Lindsay off her. "I'm glad he isn't back, that handsome jerk."_

"Heather miss Al!" Dakota chuckled.

"Lindsay!" Tyler gasped

_"You're gonna pay for my dry cleaning." Courtney, soaked, glared at Chris._

_"No I'm not." Chris smirked. "New contracts, 'member?"_

_**Confessional:**_

_"Same old Chris, same old disgusting island." Courtney flicked a fly out of her way. "What was I thinking?"_

"One million dollars, probably." Eva snarked, walking over and grabbing some popcorn from Owen.

"What is with all the popcorn stealers?" Owen whined, pulling the popcorn out of Eva's hands. "From now on, only Izzy and Noah get popcorn!"

"But I brought it in!" Beth added.

"And Beth." Owen smiled, handing her a handful.

_"In fact, we've got a lot of big changes for this season." Chris threw his hands in the air."For one, the island is now 100% toxic waste free!" He smiled, Sam walking up to him, angry, octopus on his head_

_"What? I only came back to get up close and personal with some toxic goop!" He put his hand on his hips. "So I can become a kick butt mutant like my gal Dakota." He smiled, holding out a photo of him with Dakota._

"Yay Sam!" Dakota grinned and clapped.

_"Gee, too bad. Guess it's gonna be all pain, no gain for yah, huh." Chris laughed, as the octopus took Sam's picture, him grabbing it back angrily. "On the upside, I've upgraded the accommodations." The robot wheeled over a big TV. "This season, the losers still have to sleep in the stanky old cabins." Everyone moaned in disappointment, Courtney adding a "Are you kidding me?". The camera panned out slightly, revealing a nice, huge hotel. "But, the winners get to stay in the all new, eco friendly Mclean Spa Hotel!" The camera cut to Mike, Cameron, Scott and Heather cheering."Complete with butler, hot tub, and 24 hour masseuse. And in honor of your All Star status, I'm dividing you into teams based on your past performances." Chris grinned. "Heroes, VS Villains."_

"Courtney's a toss up... On one hand, she's a bitch, so villains is the obvious choice, but on the other hand, Chris was never one to play fair." Trent speculated.

_**Confessionals:**_

_"Obviously I'll be on the villains team." Heather smirked. "And I'll be running it by lunch."_

_"Heroes VS Villains?" Gwen sighed. "Guess Duncan and I won't be on the same team." She laughed. "Unless Chris considers Duncan a hero. Yeah right."_

_"Heather, Duncan, Lightning, Jo, Scott, and Gwen." The camera panned over the contestants reactions, robot tossing Gwen over with the others._

"Gwen's not a villain!" Cody protested angrily.

_"From now on, you're the Villainous Vultures!" Chris proclaimed._

_"Sha-team!" Lightning thrust his hands in the air._

_"What? Why am I on the villains team?" Gwen whined._

_"Because you stole my boyfriend and became the new Heather!" Courtney shrieked, standing up taller._

_"Yeah, what she said." Chris smirked, nodding._

"Oh bullshit!" Cody growled.

"It's Chris, dude, he probably planned this." Noah comforted him.

_"But I've done so many good things!" She emphasized. "I'm not a villain, I'm nice!"_

"Yeah!" Cody smiled, smitten.

_"Being bad is cool!" Duncan put one hand on her shoulder. "And now we're on the same team, so that's good, right?"_

_"I guess..." Gwen slumped over._

_**Confessional:**_

_"Oh man, I only came back for Gwen!" Duncan moaned._

"Yeah, and I only stayed away because of Sierra!" Cody said.

_"She better not sulk the whole time, or I might as well be dating Courtney." He added, arms crossed._

_"Mike, Zoey!" The two stared lovestruck into each other's eyes. "Cameron." Cameron brightened up. "Sam, Courtney, Lindsay, and Sierra." The robot wheeled the crazy purple haired stalker over with the others. "You're the Heroic Hamsters!" Chris finished._

_"Excuse me." Courtney began. "How are hamsters heroic?"_

_"It was that, or the Heroic Hippos." Chris smirked._

_"Hamsters it is!" Courtney threw up her arms defensively._

_"Wait a minute, they have seven people to our six!" Jo protested."No fair!"_

_"I needed the seat on the plane for that Ezekiel prank!" Chris shrugged, earning a glare from Jo. "Fine, you can have the robot." Chris relented, pushing a button and sending the robot over to them, beeping._

_"I thought your robot could talk." Scott smirked._

_"Meh, the communications chip cacked while I was in the hooskow." Chris shrugged._

_"Was that English?" Lindsay asked Sierra, the robot wheeling over to Heather._

_"Keep your distance, toaster!" Heather pushed the robot away._

_**Confessional:**_

_"Ugh, there is something about that robot I just don't like!" Heather said, shuddering._

"Poor Heather, she doesn't know..." Dawn smiled, despite herself.

"Know what?" Owen asked, in between popcorn handfuls.

"Oh, nothing." Dawn sighed.

_"This year's challenges all nod to classics from the past." Chris said, from over by the TV. "But with harsh new twists to make this the toughest Total Drama season ever!" He smiled, hands together. "Your first challenge? Find the key to the spa hotel, and you'll do it in a homage to Total Drama's first ever challenge. Cliff diving into water infested with ravenous sharks!"_

_"Ulp." Scott swallowed, shuddering._

_**Confessional:**_

_"Ooh..." Scott was sitting over the toilet in the fetal position, eyes wide in fear, shaking. "Ok, so maybe I have a phobia of sh-sh-sharks... Can you blame me?"_

"Poor dude, man, being in a robot suit must have sucked." Geoff said. "No wonder he's scared of sharks."

"A year in a life support system will do that to a guy." Noah said.

_"Once you dive into the water, try to avoid the sharks long enough to snag a key." Chris explained, showing Chef kicking an intern off of the cliff, into the pool below, swimming and getting a key. "And, choose wisely. Only one of those suckers is the real deal." The sharks high fived. "Assuming you live long enough to reach dry land, a teammate will drive you to the hotel in one of the baby carriages from Season 3's 'Race Through Central Park'." Chris walked over to the buggy, driven by an intern, jumping in. "First team to unlock the spa door, wins. And, someone from team loser will be going home tonight. Meet me at the base of the cliff in fifteen minutes. Chop chop!" The buggy drove off._

_"Wait, shouldn't we change into our swimsuits or something first?" Mike called after Chris._

_"Sorry, no time!" Chris shouted back from off-screen. The camera cut to the cliff, panning over to the forest, where everyone was walking._

_"Ugh, I said, keep away from me!" Heather hissed at the robot, who was still tagging along behind her, the other villains (and Gwen) up in front._

_"So, Sierra, what brought you back?" Sam asked the tall girl in front of him._

_"I wanna win for Cody!" She grinned. "We would have won last time, if I didn't accidentally blow up the plane..." She rubbed her arm sheepishly._

_"Oh yeah, your hair grew back nicely." Sam smiled encouragingly._

"He better no be hitting on Sierra." Dakota pouted, clearly jealous.

_"Thanks!" It's tough to be apart from my man, but it's too dangerous for him here!" Sierra said, motioning around her._

"I am not her man, by the way." Cody looked around bitterly.

"Look at it this way, if you and Gwen don't work out, there's always her." Noah smirked, earning him a soft punch from Cody.

_"And I'm sure I can handle it long enough to win the million!" She said happily._

_**Confessional:**_

_"I miss my Cody-bear..." She put her head in her hands. "So much!"_

_The camera cut back to Heather shoving Jo out of her way. "Excuse me!" She said haughtily._

_"Watch it, Old Heather!" Jo added angrily._

_"You watch it, Newbie." Heather responded._

_"Ugh, guys, just because Chris labeled us villains, doesn't mean we have to act like villains." Gwen said. "We're a team, we should work together as a team!"_

_"Alright!" Lightning said, with similar reactions from the rest of the villains._

_**Confessionals:**_

_"Heh, no way is that going to happen." Heather scoffed. "I-"_

_"Don't trust-" Jo added_

_"Anyone-" Duncan pointed at the camera._

_"On this-" Scott scowled._

_The robot beeped._

_"Team!" Lightning finished._

_"Huh, I think that went well." Gwen smiled, the screen splitting to reveal all of them laughing, the villains (excluding Gwen) with fire behind them._

_The camera cut back to Courtney glaring at Gwen angrily. "Ugh, Courtney keeps glaring at me like she's trying to set me on fire!" Gwen sighed._

_"I'll give her a glare back for ya." Duncan smirked, before snarling at Courtney, who simply turned away. "Uh, hello, Courtney?" Duncan looked concerned, rubbing the back of his head and waving. "Hey?"_

_**Confessional:**_

_"Uh, I'm used to having girls yell at me, even punch me, but blank me? That-that's just wrong!" Duncan said, eyes concerned, but quickly realized his folly. "Pfft- I mean, whatever."_

"Smooth." Noah said, sneaking the last handful of popcorn from the bowl, which cued Beth to go make more.

"Tell me what I miss!" She said as she walked out.

_"Psst, I think Duncan wants you to yell at him, y'know, for old times' sake." Lindsay said._

"My girl's so smart sometimes!" Tyler grinned, earning laughs from everyone else to burst out laughing. "What?" He asked, defensively.

"Seriously?" Cody smiled. "Lindsay's nice, and she's got like, huge boobs, but she's not the sharpest tool in the shed."

"Dude, she's my girlfriend." Tyler glared.

_"What's the point, he never listens." Courtney said bitterly. "Besides, it's over between us. He's a bad boy, I knew it couldn't last forever." She turned and glared. "But Gwen? I thought we were friends." She sighed. "Last time I make that mistake."_

"No she didn't." Anne Maria piped up. "That bitch has not over it scribbled on every surface."

_"Huh?" Lindsay stopped and shook Courtney. "You know how to stop making mistakes? Teach me!"_

_The scene cuts to another side of the island, another beach. "Ahahaha, greetings, All Stars!" Chris came in on his jetpack he acquired last season, blowing sand in everyone's faces. "Here are your carriages. Blood red for the Villainous Vultures," He motioned to one. "And purest gold for the Heroic Hamsters." He motioned to the other. "You've got thirty seconds to pick your carriage drivers. Starting... Now!"_

_"I'll drive!" Scott placed his hands on the bar, before Jo shoved him aside. _

_"No, I'll drive!" She growled. _

_"Sha-please!" Lightning joined in. "You're the slowest go-kart driver ever!"_

_"Yes, but I'm also the shopping cart racing circuit champion!" She added triumphantly._

"Woah, I didn't know that!" Brick said, impressed.

_**Confessionals:**_

_"No I'm not. I just said that because-" Jo smirked, shifting her eyes back and forth._

_"Gotta respect championship status. Jo drives." Lightning finished._

"Oh." Brick sighed. "Honestly though, tricking Lightning like that, while underhanded, is pretty smart."

_"Aw c'mon!" Scott was carried away from the cart over Lightning's shoulders._

_"But Jo, wouldn't you make a better diver, since you're so athletic?" Gwen walked in._

_"Nobody tells me what to do, Gothball!" Jo said. "And don't even try to kiss me."_

"That made no sense whatsoever." Geoff said, as Beth walked back in with more popcorn. "Although that would be really hot." He added, with most of the guys nodding in agreement.

"Ooh, Beth! You missed Jo tricking Lightning and some other stuff!" Izzy kidnapped the popcorn again, stuffing her entire face in before handing it to Owen.

_**Confessional:**_

_"After three seasons of kindness, I'm reduced to evil kisser status?" She growled. "For the last time, Duncan and Courtney were over before he and I started!"_

"It won't get more true just because you say it more." Beth sighed.

_"You can't steal a boyfriend if the boy is free!" She finished._

_"Ten seconds!" Chris announced._

_"You can do it!" Cameron said, earning a nod from Mike._

_"Maybe you should do it!" Zoey pointed at Mike._

_"Ugh, Lindsay will do it!" Courtney shoved her into the carriage, where Lindsay fell in face first._

_"Ok, everyone but Jo and Lindsay, up the cliff you go!" Chris pointed towards the cliff._

_Cut to everyone gasping for breath at the top of the mountain, Chris somehow waiting for them. "Sha-first!" Lightning slid into view, not even winded, everyone else following behind him, Sam collapsing onto Cameron._

_"Fang!" Mike, Zoey and Scott shrieked, as the camera revealed a severely not unmutated killer shark waving to them with an evil smirk._

"Oh, so that's where the semi-decontaminated comes in..." Beth said.

_"Who?" Gwen asked, looking down at the shark infested waters._

_"Who's the best key spotter, and, who's dead in the shark infested water." Chris turned to the camera, evil smirk on his face. "Find out when we return, on Total Drama All Stars!"_

"Ten bucks says Scott chickens out." Anne Maria placed a ten dollar bill in Trent's hands, who had become the go to guy for bets for some reason.

"I don't exactly think that's fair, Anne Maria, that shark put him in a coma last season, of course he's not going to jump." DJ piped up.

"Well, yeah, but mama needs a new can of hairspray!" Anne Maria smirked.

"I dunno, I think Jo will force him to jump." Brick said, laying down a ten dollar bill as well.

_"Places people, it's diving time!" Chris said as the camera panned over the teams. Most notably, Scott was shivering and clutching his shoulders in fear, the rest of the contestants mostly unfazed._

_"A-after you, I insist!" Scott shoved Heather in front of him in line, laughing nervously._

_"One diver per team, at a time." Chris said, threateningly holding his air horn. "The next diver has to wait until their teams carriage returns." He said. "Ready, set-" He blew the air horn._

_"Woohoo, Lightning Strikes!" Lightning cannonballed off the cliff, followed by Courtney, who shrieked._

"Didn't he say one diver at a time?" Geoff asked Bridgette

"The question isn't whether he said one diver, it's whether he cares enough to dock them points." Noah pointed out.

"Uh, Courtney's on the heroes side, guys." Beth pointed out.

"Oh yeah. She's such a colossal bitch that it slipped my mind." Geoff said, laughing.

_"Sha-bang!" Lightning punched Fang in the nose, followed by Courtney. "Sha-score!" Lightning came up with a key, jumping in Jo's carriage. _

_"Yes!" Jo fist pumped, running off with the carriage. "So long, suckers!"_

_"And the villains take the lead!" Chris announced, Courtney swimming furiously, passing a sniveling Fang being comforted by the other two sharks._

_"Go, go, go!" Courtney jumped in the carriage._

_"Which way is the hotel again?" Lindsay blinked in confusion._

_"Ugh, never mind, I'll do it!" Courtney growled, before Chris came in, wearing his jetpack._

_"Up-pup-up-up, no tradesies! Gotta stick to your designated driver!" He smirked._

_"Fine, just push!" Courtney glared at Lindsay, who remained oblivious to her hostility._

_"Okay... how do you push again?" Lindsay nodded, but her blank stare made it clear the lights weren't all on. Courtney screamed in frustration as the camera cut away._

_"Listen, you don't like me, and I really don't like you." Jo was jogging, pushing the cart along while glaring daggers at the smug Lightning._

_"What's not to like?" Lightning smirked, kissing his biceps._

_"You're kidding, right?" Jo said, eyebrows raised. "Point is, we're the strongest members of our team, agree to stay out of each other's way until the teams merge?"_

_"But then it's every champ for himself." Lightning said. "Starting with number one, and that's me."_

"I thought he knew that she was a girl, after she got eliminated." Brick said, confused.

"I'm honestly not sure he has the mental capacity to remember genders, he's still not clear whether Cameron is a girl or not." Trent said, shrugging.

_"Yeah, yeah." Jo rolled her eyes in annoyance, as they reached the hotel, Lightning jumped out and shoved the key in the hole, which refused to budge._

_"C'mon key, get in the lock!" Lightning growled angrily._

_"It doesn't fit because it's the wrong key, Brightning!" Jo glared at him, arms crossed in annoyance. The two teams passed each other on the way back, Lindsay smiling obliviously._

_"Ugh, wrong key!" Courtney tossed the key to the ground when it failed to open the lock._

"When do you think they'll find the key?" Eva growled. "Because I have better things to do and watch right now if this is going to take too long."

"The key that opens it will be the last they try, promise!" Noah smirked.

"Wow Noah, you're really smart!" Owen grinned, earning an annoyed look from Noah when he didn't get the joke.

_"Ooh, maybe they left a window open?" Lindsay clapped her hands._

"That's my girl!" Tyler grinned, fist pumping in the air.

"That's... actually not a bad idea, considering her track record." Noah said, baffled at Lindsay's mildly competent suggestion.

_"C'mon, c'mon!" Duncan urged Jo to move faster, fists clenched._

_"Y'know, a lot of my blog readers were mad about you guys hooking up." Sierra walked up to the two, smiling, oblivious to their mild annoyance._

"I don't read her blog, but I'm fairly ticked off about it, yes." Cody growled, attempting to sneak another mouthful of popcorn.

_"But I get it." She smiled. "Love is love! Just like me and my Cody-Wody!" She swooned off camera._

"Ugh, seriously, I thought we were over that! I do not like her!" Cody growled as Noah pushed him away from the popcorn bowl, while the rest of the cast snickered.

_"Yeah, we're just like you guys." Gwen rolled her eyes._

_"Here comes Jo! How bout a kiss for luck." Duncan smirked, puckering his lips._

"Ew, please no!" Cody growled, shielding his eyes.

_"Uh, no time!" Gwen was about to comply, but when she saw Sierra staring at her creepily, she shoved Duncan away._

"Thank you Sierra!" Cody grinned, fist pumping. "Words I never thought I'd say."

_"Woah-oh-oh-aaah!" Duncan lost his balance and plunged off the cliff, landing calmly in the water, he snatched a key and dodged Fang's bite, leaping into the carriage when he left the water. "Let's roll!"_

_"Hurry up, they're still ahead of us!" Courtney growled at Lindsay._

_"FOR CODY!" Sierra dived into the water. "Yee-hah!"_

_"Oh, think she's ok?" Mike asked a concerned Zoey, looking down the cliff side. Down in the water, Sierra was punching and kicking the sharks effortlessly. _

_"Oh, I found one that looks like Cody!" She held up a suspiciously Cody shaped key._

"Why is there a key shaped like me?" Cody said, concerned.

"The question is not why, young soldier, it is why not?" Izzy cackled madly.

_"Ugh, I don't know where you learned to push a-" Courtney began, but was cut off by Sierra's scream of delight. "No, wait!"_

_"So-ugh-heavy!" Lindsay struggled to pull the cart._

_"Sorry, I had a big breakfast." Sierra said sheepishly._

_"Listen up, short pants, I'm in charge." Over with Jo and Duncan, Jo was apparently laying down the law. "Get in my way, and I'll make your life a walking nightmare."_

_"Ha! Trust me, I don't wanna be in charge, but feel free to knock yourself out trying." Duncan laughed, earning a confused look from Jo._

_"Really?" Jo asked him as they reached the hotel._

_"No go, it's a dud!" Duncan sighed when they tried the key._

_"Way to pick the wrong key, Dud-can!" Jo said, annoyed._

_"Ha, good one!" Duncan smirked._

_"Thanks?" Jo seemed confused by his statement, not used to complements._

_**Confessional:**_

_"Wow, finally someone who appreciates my killer zingers!" Jo smiled._

"Oh come on!" Brick huffed, clearly jealous.

_"Aw, Cody key's too small, back we go!" When Sierra, Lindsay and technically Courtney reached the hotel, Sierra attempted to force Cody's key into the hole, but failed, leaping back into the cart, crushing Courtney. "Do you hear something?" She asked Lindsay, who shrugged. _

"Need I even say that's what she said?" Noah asked Cody, who was blushing profusely. "Because I think it's a little bit of a low hanging fruit."

_The scene cut back to the cliff, where Zoey and Mike were standing, Mike stretching. "Oh, there they are!" She pointed to Lindsay, who was sweating and seemed quite out of breath, collapsing on the beach._

_"Good luck!" Zoey kissed Mike, who froze up, babbling, he backed up into Gwen, sending her off the cliff as well._

"Awwww, they're so cute together!" Katie turned to Sadie, who nodded.

"Yeah, they're so totally made for each other!" Sadie said.

_"Woah, nice sharks!" Gwen said, as the two sharks grimaced at her, Fang rising up, Mike having hit his head._

_"Gwen!" Duncan gasped, before a rock conked Fang on the nose._

_"Sorry!" Zoey said, using Mike's medallion as a slingshot, she tossed three more rocks, knocking Fang out as well as the other two sharks._

_"Thanks!" Mike shouted up to his girlfriend._

_"Woah!" Heather said, genuinely impressed._

_"Cool!" Sam agreed, chuckling._

_"Well, after all the times he saved me, I owe him one!" Zoey said, embarrassed by the attention_

"I'm glad she's finally stepping out of the damsel in distress thing." Bridgette grinned, having concluded her makeout session with Geoff. "Good for her!"

_"Hurry!" Gwen leapt into the cart, urging Jo forward._

_"You think I don't know that?" Jo said as she raced along._

_"It's all yours!" Sierra jumped out of the carriage, letting Mike in._

_"Wait!" Courtney gasped, crawling out of the carriage and collapsing on the sand._

_"Hmm, so that's why it felt so lumpy." Sierra said, confused. _

_"Darnit!" Gwen said, key not fitting._

_"Ugh, how hard is it to pick the right key?" Jo growled, clearly out of breath, Gwen jumping in the carriage._

_"Guess you should have been a diver, huh." Gwen said, mildly annoyed. Mike passed them, pushing himself along with a stick, as Lindsay was staggering behind, collapsing onto her knees._

_"No, back we go..." Mike said, propelling himself off camera, Lindsay falling face first into the dirt._

_"Here goes!" Sam said, cannonballing. _

_"Finally!" Heather said, screaming as she fell._

_"No!" Sam fell into the water, the sharks converging on him._

"SAM!" Dakota screamed, hyperventilating, shocking everyone in the room. "SAM IN DANGER!"

"Ca-calm down, Dakota, they wouldn't air it if he died!" DJ quickly attempted to comfort her, fearful.

"Oh... Sam okay?" Dakota seemed calmed by this, but kept biting her claws.

"I'm sure of it." DJ smiled.

_"Ah!" Sam's hands breached the surface, only to be pulled back under. Heather grabbed a key and swam off, jumping in the carriage._

_"Suckers! She shrieked at the heroes as Jo ran off as Sam resurfaced, scratched up and bruised, key in hand._

"See, he's ok!" DJ said. "Relatively.

_"I haven't been this tired since I ran that septathlon!" Jo heaved, over at the hotel._

"A septathalon is a marathon running seven normal marathons." Harold added, when Justin looked like he was about to ask a question. "Only the strongest dare compete."

"Damn, that's kind of impressive for a seventeen year old." Leshawna said, eyes wide.

"Kind of?" Brick challenged her.

"Sorry I insulted your girlfriend, dude." Leshawna smirked.

"She is not my girlfriend, I just don't think her efforts should be diminished like that!" Brick turned away, face red.

"Sure she isn't." Leshawna smirked.

_"It doesn't fit!" Heather leapt back into the carriage. _

_"Ugh..." Sam and Lindsay both groaned, Sam collapsed in the carriage, and Lindsay pushing, clearly winded._

_**Confessional:**_

_"I wanna win the million so I can spend it on a lifetime supply of lip gloss, but I forgot how hard this is!" Lindsay said. "Never thought I'd say it, but no lip gloss is worth this!" She folded her arms._

_"It's your turn man." Duncan growled, annoyed. Scott was clinging to a rock and refusing to move, shivering, Lightning attempting to pry him off the rock._

_"No, you can't make me!" Scott shrieked._

"Ha, pay up, buzz-cut!" Anne Maria smirked at Brick.

"Wait, he could still go!" Brick said.

"Yeah right, you just want to delay the inedible!" Anne Maria said, not noticing her mispronounced word.

_"Oh yes I can!" Lightning grunted, tugging harder._

_"Here comes Lindsay!" Courtney shouted._

_"Good luck, not that you'll need it." Mike gave Zoey the thumbs up, Zoey smiling and diving off the cliff._

_"You have to dive, it's you or the robot, and I'm pretty sure the robot isn't waterproof!" Duncan said, Scott still resisting._

_"Yeah, but it's sh-sh-shark proof!" Scott shivered, eyes wide._

"He's got a point." Eva said, apparently going back on her decision to leave.

_"And the heroes take the lead for the first time in this challenge!" Chris announced as a determined Zoey got in the carriage._

_"DIVE!" Every villain yelled at Scott, who stubbornly refused to budge, before Lightning finally pulled him off, knocking the robot aside._

"Told you!" Brick grinned.

"Wait up, he hasn't gone yet!" Anne Maria said, panicked.

"Now who's stalling?" Noah smirked.

"Can it, Nose boy!" Anne Maria shrieked at him.

_"Beep-boop." The robot wheeled to the edge of the cliff, beeping in apparent fear as the cliff edge crumbled under it. The robot fell off the cliff, bouncing off the rocks, the other contestants watching as it fell, cringing in sympathy as It fell in the water._

_"So long and good riddance." Heather smiled, the robot sinking, sharks swarming almost immediately, they didn't seem to make a dent._

"Hey, it is shark-proof!" Owen smiled.

"Uh, look again." Trent said, concerned.

_The robot sparked and sputtered, the sharks backing away from it in fear, before it exploded, sending the person inside careening into the sky._

"Who is it?" Owen asked, confused.

_The camera panned up as the person reached the top of their arc, revealing the person inside to be Alejandro, albeit with a new 5o' clock shadow, longer hair, and frayed clothes. He winked at the camera and grinned._

"Ok, well that was unexpected." Noah said, shocked.

"I said he was a tortured soul who endured much pain for the show." Dawn smiled serenely, not even fazed by the revelation.

"He looks so hot with that stubble, Katie!" Sadie squealed, Katie rapidly nodding in agreement.

_"You have got to be kidding me!" Heather shrieked, all the other contestants in similar states of disbelief._

_**Confessional:**_

_"Last thing I remember, I was burned to a crisp by a volcano," Alejandro was reclining in the confessional, legs crossed. It was easier to see now that his hair had grown over his back and his shirt was torn and stained with sweat. "And Chris sealed me up in that robot suit, to 'heal'." He put air quotes around the word heal. "It feels so good to be free after all this time! I must thank Scott for his cowardice!" He smiled._

"Wow, dude looks pretty banged up." Geoff said. "I always wondered what happened to him after Heather kicked him in the goody bits and sent him sliding off a cliff..."

_"Yes!" Heather shrieked, with the other villains saying similar words of approval as Alejandro landed, catching the key in his hand. He suddenly looked down as his legs wobbled and he fell over, causing all the others to cringe._

_**Confessional:**_

_"I was stuck in that robot suit for a year! My legs are so asleep, it's like they're in a coma!" He said, lifting one leg up and shaking it. "Wakey wakey...nothing." He sighed._

"It's entirely possible his legs are in a coma from lack of use, his muscles should be pretty atrophied." Noah said, earning confused looks because of the big words he used. "Ugh, I mean, his legs are really weak." Everyone else seemed satisfied with that answer.

_"Wrong key, so much for our lead." Zoey said, downtrodden, as they left to get another key, Jo came by, pushing Alejandro up to the hotel._

_"Huh!" Lindsay gaped as she recognized Alejandro. "Jalapeño?" She asked. "When did you get here?"_

"Best. Lindsay. Name. EVER!" Geoff burst out laughing, joined by the rest of the contestants soon afterwards.

_"Silly Lindsay," Alejandro smirked as Jo carried him up the steps._

"Trix are for kids!" Cody threw up his arms."Called it!"

"Why is she carrying him?" Brick blurted out.

"What was he supposed to do, make him crawl?" Bridgette asked.

"Yes!" Brick and Geoff said together.

_"I was here the whole time!" He said, smiling as he fit the key into the lock, which caused the door to open. "Finalmente!" He grinned, Jo concurring, although in English._

_"The door is open!" Chris flew in on his jetpack. "The Vultures win!" The heroes groaned._

"So who's getting tossed?" Trent turned to the rest of them. Let's all toss in our opinion, make it a one dollar potluck bet?"

"What's with you and betting now, Trent?" Bridgette asked, confused.

"Oh, Leshawna and Harold got me into it on the Aftermath during TDWT, really makes it more interesting." Trent shrugged, placing a dollar on the table. "I say that Sam goes first, guy doesn't seem like he'll go far."

"Do you really think that's healthy?" Bridgette asked, but shifted her eyes back and forth. "Five bucks on Sam too."

"Hypocrite." Trent smirked. "It's all fun and games anyway."

"We bet on Cameron." Katie and Sadie each pulled out two quarters, earning annoyed looks from everyone. "What, we only carry change!"

"I say it'll be Sierra." Noah said, laying down two dollars.

"I hope not!" Cody shivered, placing a dollar and some change. "I'm with Katie and Sadie."

"Izzy bets Zoey will go home!" Izzy tossed in two dice, a pack of gum and a chewed pencil.

"Dakota only have credit card." Dakota sighed. "Dakota say Cameron go home."

"I think it should be Courtney!" Justin tossed in an autographed photo of himself.

"Yeah!" Beth, Eva and Harold agreed, putting in a dollar each.

"I'm going with my Bridgey-Bear!" Geoff nuzzled his girlfriend fondly.

"I say Sam'll go." Dj said, throwing in a quarter, making everyone sigh. "I don't like making heavy bets!" He said sheepishly.

"Me too. He's a fine guy, but he's no soldier." Brick shrugged, tossing in a dollar.

"I'm going with whatever psychic chick over here picks." Anne Maria said, tossing in lipstick.

"Lindsay will vote herself off." Dawn said, adding a beaded bracelet.

"Aw heck nah, not again!" Tyler sighed. "I guess I vote her too, maybe then I'll get to see her again." He tossed a signed baseball.

"You carry that around with you?" Owen asked, adding a bag of chips to the equation. "Uh, this is hard, they're all so nice!" He sighed. "Whatever Izzy said."

"Ok, roll the clip, Noah!" Trent said, smiling.

_"Welcome to the first elimination ceremony!" Chris grinned, revealing the villains to be seated in the stands. "How do you like the new peanut gallery, eh?" He asked. "Now the winners can watch the opponents give someone the boot before they head to the spa hotel for a deluxe dinner!" The peanut gallery grinned and high fived._

_"Hey, even though I technically didn't do anything wrong..." Gwen walked up to an annoyed Courtney, hands behind her back._

"Do I need to say anything?" Beth said. "She kissed her boyfriend, that's not nothing!" She frowned. "I would never cheat on Brady like that!"

_"I'm sorry about the way the whole 'Duncan' thing went down." She said, pulling a bouquet of flowers out from behind her. "I picked these just for you." She smiled._

"Is she hitting on her?" Owen asked obliviously. "Cuz that's what I did to get Izzy to forgive me for the whole, 'shoving her in the path of an escaped psycho killer' thing."

"Who said Izzy forgave you?" Izzy smirked, causing Owen to shrink back in fear. "Just kidding, I totally wasn't even that mad in the first place!"

"But you punched me in the face." Owen said, confused. "It kind of hurt, like, not as much as a plane falling on me, but it did hurt."

"Oh, that was just for the cheapo pick up line. 'getting up to bat'? Jeez, if I wanted cheesy requests for some loving time, I would have asked Cody!"

"Hey..." Cody sighed.

_"Achoo!" Courtney sneezed._

_"Oh no, you're allergic?" Gwen shrunk back, keeping the flowers away from Courtney._

_"Told you you were a villain!" Courtney scowled, sneezing more._

_"Before we start, I need one winner to volunteer for a special reward." Chris announced._

"I don't like the way he said special." Justin said.

_"Ha, sha-Lightning!" Lightning slid over to Chris, who smirked._

_"Great!" Chris smiled even more._

"I really don't like the way he's smiling." Beth said.

_"Your reward is spending the night in exile on Boney Island with all the hungry wild animals!" Chris grinned_

"That's not a prize, it's a punishment!" Geoff said, confused.

"It's Chris, what else would it be?" Noah said.

_"Aw, how is that a reward?" Lightning asked._

_"Because there's a Mclean Invincibility Statue hidden somewhere on Boney Island!" Chris announced, holding said statue in his hand. "Find it, and you're golden."_

_"Now he tells us." Scott growled._

_"This year, you get to vote by placing an x on the 8x10 photo of the person you want to eliminate." Chris said. "Now, get voting." He pointed to the outhouse._

_**Voting:**_

_Sam, Mike, Zoey, Cameron, Sierra and Courtney all file their votes without problem, Courtney being sure to show the camera she was voting for Lindsay, but Lindsay holds a picture of Courtney up, thinks for a second, and instead sharpies the x on her face instead._

_"Okay, the following people are safe." Chris held a tray of thankfully not radioactive marshmallows out. "Cameron," He flicked one at the scrawny nerd._

"Aww..." Katie, Sadie, Cody and Dakota all sighed.

_"Sierra," Chris tossed one to her._

"Dangit!" Noah groaned.

"Yes!" Cody said. "I'm free for today!"

_"Zoey," Chris added, Zoey smiling gratefully. _

"Izzy lives to guess again!" Izzy said, not even acknowledging she was wrong.

"Darn, oh well." Owen sighed.

_"And Sam." The last marshmallow landed on his Gameguy._

"Aw c'mon!" Trent said.

"I mean, why would you keep him on your team?" Eva said.

"You didn't even vote for him!" Bridgette said.

"Yay, Sam's safe!" Dakota squealed in delight.

_"Lindsay, you're on the chopping block for your terrible driving skills. And Courtney, you're on the chopping block for making Lindsay drive."_

"C'mon, Courtney, leave the island!" Eva shouted, the rest of the people who voted for Courtney nodding.

_"Yeah, what's the matter with you?" Lindsay asked her._

_"And the loser is..." Chris said as the camera focused on the two back and forth for a couple tense seconds."Lindsay!"_

"Aw man, I'm gonna go wait by the check in desk, guys..." Tyler sighed, getting up and leaving.

_"Thank goodness!" Lindsay threw up her hands in relief. "Wait, do I have to ride that scary catapult thingie?"_

_"Nope!" Chris grinned maliciously. "This year, we've got a brand new elimination device!"_

_The camera cut to a giant toilet at the end of the dock of shame. "Behold, the Flush of Shame, patent pending!"_

"That is the most vile thing Chris has done since at least last Tuesday!" Noah said, revolted.

_"Ewww!" Everyone on the heroes team said, except for Sierra, who took a photo._

_"Well, see you guys. It's been-" Lindsay began, before Chris pushed the button and cut her off, sending her flushing down the toilet, a wave of toilet water washing over everyone except Chris, who had an umbrella in his hands._

_"Hahahahaha..." Chris giggled, tossing the umbrella aside. "Who will be flushed into the history books next, find out when we return, on Total Drama All Stars!"_

"Ok, Dawn, Anne Maria, and Tyler... Who is not here right now, you guys get to split the winnings." Trent divvied up the money and objects, giving each of them their items back. "See you tomorrow?"

"We really don't have a choice, anyways." Geoff said.

"Well then, I guess we will!" Trent smiled as everyone left the lounge, chatting about the episode.

**Final Tally:**

Cameron:

Katie, Sadie, Cody and Dakota

Mike:

N/A

Zoey:

Izzy and Owen

Sierra:

Noah

Courtney:

Justin, Beth, Eva and Harold.

Sam:

Trent, Bridgette, Geoff, DJ and Brick.

AN; So, this came into my head, and I deeply regret absolutely nothing. I've always liked the idea that the Playa De Losers people all get together to watch the show (or in this case, Chris makes them for some reason, probably ego) and this came into mind. B is watching, but is still not a talker, or a better, Staci had her mouth duct taped shut and is broke, and anyone else I left out was unintentional. This is just an excuse to rewatch All Stars, and yes, they will be voting every week. And yeah, Trent's kind of a gambling addict, after TDWT Aftermayhem, I kind of like the idea of him being the betting type of guy. They will be seeing into Mike's mind like we do, because it's necessary to the plot *no idea how though, cartoon logic*, and Lindsay will be joining us next week and so will every contestant that gets voted off. If the island sinks like it is rumored to, there'll be a bit of chaos in the final chapter. Well, be sure to review and tell me how awful this was. I hope since I wrote it, it's not considered MST3K'ing.


	2. Evil Dread

"New episode starts in five!" A voice over the loudspeaker called out.

"So, like I was saying, they should totally start calling out "We've got Movie Sign!"!" Cody grinned as he walked in, waving his arms to demonstrate. "And then we all come rushing in, see!"

"Nice MST3K reference, totally relevant and not out of date by about ten years." Noah smirked, secretly amused by the idea.

"MST3K is timeless, Noah, gosh!" Harold popped up behind them. "It transcends genres and appeals to the inner geek in everyone."

"Yes, because I totally asked for you to add your opinion." Noah rolled his eyes and stopped short when the chair he had occupied yesterday was taken. "What." He said flatly, as Staci sheepishly waved at him.

"Hi Noah!" She said, wearing a wig that could be modestly described as gaudy. "Like, I was wondering, yah, if like, I can, y'know, not have my mouth duct taped shut, yah?" She asked, twiddling her thumbs. "Cause, like, duct tape was invented by my great uncle Dan, and we're not supposed to associate with him after he blew up at my second cousins wedding, and I think my mom would flip if she knew I had used duct tape."

"Wow, I can't tell if you're lying or incredibly deluded. I'm impressed, really." Noah deadpanned. "How about I promise not to get the duct tape, and you give me my seat back?"

"Oh, this was your seat?" She said, getting up. "Yah, go ahead, like, I don't care." She walked off and sat on a nearby rolling chair.

"Do you really need to sit there, Noah?" Bridgette asked him, sitting on Geoff's lap.

"Bridge, don't ask him that!" Geoff whispered to Bridgette, earning an annoyed look from Noah.

"You realize I can in fact hear you." Noah said, reclining in his chair.

"He's like, super protective of that chair!" Geoff said, unaware Noah was still in earshot.

"Then why did she sit there? It's not like he owns the chair!" Bridgette whispered back angrily.

"She's a newbie, she didn't know!" Geoff said. "As far as all us dudes are concerned, he does own that chair. He claimed it before anyone else, and the only guy allowed there is Noah."

"Wow, that's just... wow." Bridgette sighed, facepalming. She wasn't getting anywhere with this conversation.

"Ok, now then, who's gonna bet on something first?" Trent walked into the room.

"Ok, now I'm starting to agree with Bridgette, you've got a problem, Trent." Beth said worriedly, sitting down on a nearby futon.

"No I don't." Trent smiled smoothly. "I just enjoy it. But if nobody's interested, that's cool."

"Hey, Beth, I want to bet, does that make me a gambler?" Izzy leapt down from the rafter, poking Beth in the gut.

"By the definition, yes, actually." Harold corrected, earning a growl and menacing throat slitting gesture and noise from Izzy.

"You still do those really well, Izzy!" Owen grinned, lovestruck.

"Ok guys, I just convinced Lindsay to come out of the shower for the first time since she got here, so please don't be rude!" Tyler walked in, bags under his eyes, he clearly hadn't gotten much, if any sleep.

"Dude, have you been up all night?" Geoff asked, concerned.

"No biggie, I can deal!" Tyler said, eye twitching. "Lindsay just got really freaked out about being flushed down the toilet and said she was never going to leave the shower. So I've been trying to get her out for like, all night."

"That's not healthy, sugar." Leshawna said, also concerned.

"That's true, the longest anyone's gone without sleep is 18 days, 21 hours, and 40 minutes, but even losing one night's sleep seriously increases the risk of a heart attack." Harold popped up to say his interesting face.

"No way, I'm totally cool. I'm not even tir-" Tyler protested, but collapsed on the nearest couch and fell asleep instantly.

"Let's not wake him, he needs it." Owen said, giggling as Izzy almost immediately sharpied a mustache onto Tyler.

"Where did you go, Tyler?" Lindsay walked into the room, turning everyone's head to see that Lindsay was wearing her hair up in a ponytail now, her head scarf tying it up, she had exchanged her normal skirt for a blue one, and her shirt was somehow even more cleavage exposing (almost impossible, considering her normal shirt). "Tyler, did you go away like you did during TDA?"

"Shh, he's asleep." Beth smiled, pointing to the snoring Tyler.

"Awww, Tyler got a new mustache!" Lindsay smiled.

"Oh my gosh, Sadie, do you think Alejandro's single now?" Katie turned to her chubby BFFFL and squealed.

"Not if Heather's around." Sadie sighed.

"I hope Vito's coming back, baby!" Anne Maria swooned.

"But he's just an alternate personality." Cody said, confused.

"DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT ABOUT MY MAN, TOOTHPICK! I HAVE A CAN OF HAIRSPRAY AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO SPRAY YOU IN THE EYES!" Anne Maria shrieked, pulling a can of hairspray out of her rock solid hair, brandishing it in Cody's face. "Oh, and Brick, you need to pay up what you owe me." She turned to Brick, demeanor completely changed.

"Darnit..." Brick sighed, and Trent handed Anne Maria the money. "Oh well."

"It's starting!" Izzy yelled happily from atop Owen's shoulders.

_"Last time on Total Drama: I welcomed the All Stars to the newly decontaminated island." Chris explained as shots of the last episode played._

"Semi-decontaminated." Leshawna corrected.

_"Then, it was Heroes VS Villains, diving into shark infested waters in search of the one key that would unlock the door to the all new Mclean Spa Hotel, for winners only." He said, as interior shots of the hotel were shown. "Thanks to Scott's cowardly fear of sharks, we learned that in every robot beats the heart of a Spaniard."_

"Are you kidding me? Scott's fear of sharks is completely justified! That thing wants to murder him!" Geoff defended Scott.

_"In this case, Alejandro. And, while Alejandro might not hold the key to Heather's heart anymore, he did hold the key to the spa hotel, and victory for the Villainous Vultures." Chris said, clips still playing. "And the Heroic Hamsters bid farewell to Lindsay, via our newest and most humiliating commode of transportation, the Flush of Shame."_

"Ewewewew!" Lindsay shrieked, panicking. "I still feel like toilet water! I need to shower right now!"

"You can't go, yah, we have to watch this. Especially since my great great grandfather invented toilet based transportation systems." Staci said, earning glares from everyone but Lindsay.

"Your great great grandpappy is gross!" Lindsay said, genuinely believing her lies.

_"Who will be next to pop through the pooper?" Chris grinned._

"That joke was bad and he should feel bad!" Cody yelled at the TV.

"Hey, you've advanced your pop culture jokes into this decade, I'm impressed!" Noah smirked, earning another lighthearted punch from Cody.

_"Find out right now, on Total Drama All Stars!" Chris grinned as the camera panned out._

_"There's a storm 'a coming dagnabbit!" Mike mumbled in his sleep, as Chester, before gasping._

"Oh my gosh, Katie, he's doing that weird sleep talking thing!" Sadie said, confused.

"I talk in my sleep all the time!" Katie smiled.

"I know, remember when we were at summer camp?" Sadie squealed.

"And I accidentally confessed my secret crush on Josh Jones while I was asleep? Of course I remember, how could I forget?" Katie growled.

_"I'm scared!" Svetlana said, panicked. "After all these years, he's going to return!"_

"Guys, I think we need to focus on the show?" Leshawna shushed the two girls. "Who's gonna return?"

"Someone very, very dangerous..." Dawn said, terrified. "Mother Earth, his aura is... oh my!" Dawn said, backing up.

"Ok, things are getting freaky, Dawn, who is it?" Trent said, getting concerned.

"He is!" She said, sinking into her beanbag chair as if to hide herself.

"Yes, because that really answers our question." Noah said.

"I dare not speak his name, but suffice to say, he's much worse than Chris... and he isn't anywhere near as reserved." Dawn gave one last cryptic warning, then promptly closed her eyes and refused to get up.

"Ok, seriously, this is actually freaking me out!" Owen said. "Izzy, what's she saying?"

"She's saying that WE ALL NEED TO GO LIVE WITH THE MOLE PEOPLE!" Izzy jumped down from the rafters. "Abandon ship and head to the poop deck, people, things are going down and Izzy doesn't want to miss a second of it!"

"Well, that was helpful." Noah groaned.

_"Hey yo, how we gonna stop this goombah?" Vito asked._

"VITO!" Anne Maria grinned, cheering.

"Has anyone noticed that when he's Vito, his hair flattens and gets shiny like he used a bunch of hair gel?" Beth said, confused.

"Yeah, actually, I have..." Dj said, pondering. "And when he's that Russian girl, he gets lipstick and mascara."

"Do you think he buys the same lipstick as I do?" Lindsay asked, having apparently zoned out for the entire conversation until she heard the words 'lipstick'.

"Let's just watch the show now, guys?" Bridgette said, pointing to the screen, grabbing the remote and hitting play.

_"Hush it mates, Mike is waking up!" Manitoba whispered, before Mike indeed woke up._

"How am I supposed to tell Minnesota from Mark?" Lindsay asked. "With Vlad it's shiny hair, Svet-sve-..." Lindsay paused, struggling to pronounce Svetlana. "...Sally it's lipstick and really cheap mascara, Lester his eyes get all pinchy, but Minnesota looks just like Mark!"

"It's the accent, yah. He's like, also always wearing a fedora, so you know he's Manitoba. Did you know the term 'fedora' comes from a play written for my great great great grandma Sarah?" Staci said, smiling and explaining things slowly so Lindsay wasn't confused.

"Ohhh, I get it! Thanks, Lucy!" Lindsay grinned sweetly.

"Ok, who buys this bullshit coming out of this chick?" Eva stormed up to Staci, poking her nose forcefully. "All day it's 'My great great aunt invented whatever'! NOBODY BELIEVES YOU!" She screamed at Staci, who shrunk back. "GET. A. CLUE!"

"Actually, while I can't vouch for her relation to Sarah Bernhardt, she is correct about the origin of the word 'fedora'. The word comes from the title of a play made in the 1800's by Victorian Sardou, called "Fédora". " Harold popped up again, on a fact giving roll here. "So she's not lying, Eva." Eva glared at him and he quickly hid behind Leshawna, quivering.

"See, I'm not lying!" Staci grinned and crossed her arms in victory.

"FINE, YOU WEREN'T LYING, NOW CAN IT!" Eva screamed, before returning to threatening Harold for correcting her.

_"Uh huh, wuzzat?" Mike looked around, groggy from sleep. "You guys say something?" He yawned. The camera panned over the other boys in the cabin, all fast asleep, Sam still clutching his Gameguy._

"Aw, Sam cute when sleep!" Dakota cooed, smiling warmly.

_A mosquito suddenly landed on Sam's ear, and began draining an absurd amount of blood, leaving Sam rather pale._

"SAM!" Dakota shrieked. "GIVE SAM'S BLOOD BACK, STUPID BUG!" She growled.

"Is that even possible?" Noah asked. "Because if it is, I'm never leaving home without bug spray again."

"Oh, don't worry, it's a mutant mosquito, not a normal one, you have nothing to be worried about besides malaria." Izzy smiled.

"Gee, I feel so much better now." Noah groaned.

_Mike shrugged and went back to sleep, the bloated mosquito sloshing, it smashed through the boys window and flew past the girls side, the camera panning in on Courtney. A sudden flash from Sierra's smartphone made Courtney bolt up, awake. "Ugh, what the heck?!" She growled._

_"Courtney? What's wrong?" Zoey called down from the top bunk._

_"What's wrong is we're sharing a cabin with a super fan with a bad case of crazy!" Courtney said, camera focusing on Sierra, who was tapping away on her phone._

_"Hehehehe, hey Courtney, I've updated the sleeping section of your picture gallery on my fansite, wheee!" Sierra grinned, brandishing her phone and giggling._

_**Confessional:**_

_"I hate to break Chris's rules about smuggling in special items like my cellphone," Sierra began, proudly shoving her phone into the camera, the background being a photo of Cody in the shower, terrified and holding a towel to himself._

"OH MY GOD SHE TOOK MY PHOTO THAT DAY!?" Cody shrieked, cheeks red and furious. "It's bad enough I have a stalker that watches me shower, but she took my PHOTO? SHE HAS PHOTO'S OF MY-" He started to hyperventilate, Noah shoving his hand over Cody's mouth to stop him from finishing that sentence.

"We all find it equal parts hilarious and terrifying, yes, please don't go into any more detail!" Noah hissed, mortified. All the other contestants were either scared or laughing, most of the boys falling into the latter category.

_"-But I have to keep my TD blogs current!" She grinned, typing._

_"Zoey's even sweeter than she is on TV. Courtney is even..." She paused and looked at the camera, then looked up in thought. "Courtney-er than ever!" She settled on a description, pulling the phone back to her. "It's better this way, last time, I had a teensy bit of a problem with internet withdrawal."_

"Teensy? She was using a pizza box and rat as a computer and mouse!" Noah said, angry.

"GUYS!" Justin burst into the room, everyone turning around to face the terrified Adonis of a teen.

"Oh my gosh, Joseph, you weren't even here and I didn't even notice!" Lindsay shrieked, surprised.

"Ignoring that blow to my ego, you all need to come quick to the pool, right now!" Justin sighed when Lindsay got his name wrong, but recovered and began pointing rapidly out the door.

"We're not supposed to leave until we finish the episode, gosh! Your stupid photo shoot can wait, or whatever it is!" Harold said, Leshawna nodding, along with the others.

"Producers orders!" Justin said. "And my photo shoots are not stupid!" Justin growled, pointing at himself. "I make more money than you could possibly imagine!"

"I thought your mother put your money in a trust fund." Dawn said, confused.

"How would you know what mommy did with my money?" Justin yelled at her.

"I saw it in your aura!" She smiled. "I know you're upset, but your mother wants what's best for you!"

"Ok, guys, I just got off the phone with my producers, and we _have_ to get over there, pronto." Geoff shut his phone and placed it in his pockets. "They won't tell me why though."

"Oh yeah, because that's always a good sign with the producers." Noah said sarcastically.

"Well, we don't exactly have a choice, now do we?" Bridgette said, still slightly annoyed at the whole 'Noah gets his own chair' thing, while she had to sit on Geoff's lap because everyone else took a seat first. Not that she didn't like it, but she would like a seat that didn't move.

"Well, come on then, let's go meet our doom!" Izzy grinned, rushing out the door, dragging Owen off with her effortlessly, despite his heft.

"The cage will fail." Dawn said cryptically, getting up and following after Izzy and Owen.

"What does she mean 'the cage will fail'?" Beth said worriedly. "Should we be worried?"

"Oh don't worry Beth, Tyler will protect us!" Lindsay said, oblivious.

"Should someone wake the dude up?" Trent asked, poking Tyler, who was sound asleep.

"I say we let him rest. Poor guy's earned it." Leshawna walked out the door, Harold trailing behind like a puppy. "Too close, Harold." She pushed him away when he walked up closer.

"Sorry Leshawna, honey..." Harold said, hanging his head and giving a puppy dog pout.

"Oh fine, but no hugging in front of the others." Leshawna sighed, facepalming. "I hate when you use that cute puppy dog face."

"I know." Harold grinned cheekily, and Leshawna glared, blushing.

"Move it lovebirds, I'm not gonna be late because of you!" Eva shoved Leshawna out of the way, into Harold, who blushed heavily, Leshawna sputtering, walking past a worried Brick and DJ.

"What if it's a monster?" Brick asked DJ, then straightened up. "Not like, I'm, you know, scared. It's just it would be dangerous for the others, you know?"

"It's ok to be scared, Brick." DJ said, smiling weakly, he was scared too, but Brick needed someone to keep him from freaking out. "It's a definite possibility, yes."

"I have a theory, yah!" Staci was running to catch up with the others, running past the two scaredy-cats, falling behind Noah and Cody.

"Does it involve your imaginary ancestors inventing anything? Because if it is, I'm going back on my promise about the duct tape." Noah said, annoyed at the interruption.

"No!" Staci backed up, terrified at the prospect of being duct taped silent again. "Remember Ezekiel, yah?"

"How could you forget?" Cody said. "He's psycho!"

"I thought you were drugged during the African challenge." Noah said, turning to Cody.

"Reruns, duh." Cody said. "I didn't know I looked so handsome drugged up. You live and learn."

"Yeah, because being unconscious really makes me-girls more attracted to you." Noah said, slipping up and blushing, but no one seemed to have noticed. "Unless you know, you want a girl into that stuff."

"Any girl that isn't Sierra is good with me at this point!" Cody grinned.

"Guys? Ezekiel, like, blasted off towards our island, yah?" Staci interrupted their playful banter, stressed and scared. "Like, maybe he was blasted _here_!" She whispered loudly.

"You-you have a point!" Cody said, freezing up. "I don't want to be eaten!"

"Relax, stupid, he's not a cannibal, just an insane, feral, carnivorous former human." Noah said sarcastically, trying to calm Cody down, despite the seed of worry that Staci had planted. "Besides, the odds of him actually landing here out of all the places on the island are slim at best."

"I guess you're right." Cody said, smiling, catching up to the rest of the group, Justin, Geoff and Bridgette taking the lead.

"Ok, the producers said we should stay close together." Bridgette called out to everyone to get their attention.

"Because that makes me feel so much more confident!" Noah shouted from the back of the group.

"Suck it up, pansy!" Eva shouted back at him. "No offense!" She sheepishly added afterward, not wanting to offend one of her few friends.

"None taken." Noah smirked. Being friends with Eva meant taking a lot of crap, but it also meant having better protection than ten bodyguards combined.

"Guys, focus?" Geoff said, waving his hands.

"We need to work out like a buddy system or something. If the producers are warning us about something, we need to take that seriously!" Bridgette added. "I'll take Geoff."

"Big shocker." Trent smirked. "Hey, big guy, how's teaming up sound?" He turned to B, who seemed shocked that anyone was paying attention to him. B shrugged and gave a thumbs up. "Still silent, I see." Trent said frankly, and B smiled sheepishly and shrugged again.

"Beth, want to be in a group with me and Tyler?" Lindsay squealed happily, completely ignorant of the situation.

"Tyler's back in the TV room, but sure!" Beth squealed. As all the others paired up, it was clear that the couples had no interest in anyone but their boyfriend or girlfriend, leading to a clear split. A few groups had more than two, but it was mostly pairs.

By the end, the groups were sorted out, and Bridgette seemed to have taken charge. "Ok, so we have Anne Maria and Justin," Bridgette listed off, Anne Maria clinging to Justin flirtatiously, Justin so used to being fawned over that he wasn't even reacting. "B and Trent," B gave a thumbs up, and Trent followed suit. "Beth and Lindsay," She added, Beth and Lindsay were busy playing patty cake, and Beth turned her head when she heard her name.

"Bridgette, don't you think you're overreacting?" Beth asked, confused.

"Yeah, we're fine!" Anne Maria shouted.

"Well I'm sorry for being careful!" Bridgette huffed. "Whatever, just be prepared."

"We've got the mutant freak over there, we'll be fine!" Eva smirked, pointing to Dakota, who growled and shook her fist at Eva, who shrunk back. She might be headstrong, but Dakota was at least 10 feet tall, strong, and had sharp claws and teeth. She wasn't stupid.

"Eva watch mouth!" Dakota grumbled, but didn't do anything, much to the relief of Dawn, her partner.

"Let's get this over with!" Leshawna shouted, keeping Harold close by in case of emergencies.

"Ok, opening the door, sheesh!" Geoff said, nervously opening the door to the poolside area. "Woah." He said, shocked.

"What are you-" Bridgette asked, walking behind him, stopping when she saw what he saw. "How did he-" She said, shocked as well. As the others filed in behind, they let out equally shocked words, well, the ones who didn't hide behind B or Owen.

The scene was still rather chaotic, but it had clearly been cleaned up from something much worse. The pool was normal, but all of the pool toys had been shredded, and the awning over the pools little wading pool seats had a huge hole in it, one that was in the process of being patched up by interns. What had drawn their eye, however, was a huge cage that had been hastily brought in, judging by the scuff marks where it had been dragged in. It wasn't the cage, but who, or what was inside. A hideous green half human creature they knew as Ezekiel was knocked out cold, sleeping peacefully.

"I told you, yah!" Staci said, Noah and Cody cowering behind her.

"Calm down, calm down!" They recognized one of the producers, who stepped up to them. Geoff and Bridgette seemed extremely peeved to be seeing him. "We have him unconscious. He won't be waking up anytime soon." He smiled falsely, though no one was less scared, seeing as he had already proven that sleeping drugs didn't seem to affect him for very long. "We just figured you would be wanting to know why the indoor pool will be off limits for today and possibly longer."

"You could have ju-just announced it over the intercom!" Noah said, annoyed and terrified at the same time.

"I thought it would be funny to see your faces." The producer grinned cheekily, and it suddenly became clear exactly why Bridgette and Geoff were so pissed to see him. "Anyway, when Chris launched him across to our island, he landed there," he pointed to the patched up awning, "and was knocked out. He woke up and started to destroy the pool, before our interns captured him." He pointed to the two injured interns standing behind him.

"How come we didn't see this?" Cody asked, the others nodding.

"I was in a toilet for most of that, Cory." Lindsay said helpfully, earning a facepalm from Cody.

"You were watching the episode as it aired at 7:00 this evening, and as no one is allowed outside past 7:00 for safety reasons, you were not aware of this." The producer recited as if he knew Cody was going to ask that.

"Ok, so why aren't you doing something?" Geoff asked. "He has parents, you know."

"Legally, we can't give him back to his parents until he's rehabilitated, and as such, we have arranged for an insane asylum to take him in. We're not heartless." The producer explained, smirking.

"Could have fooled me." Geoff growled.

"Guys?" Bridgette said quietly, but loud enough to get everyone's attention. "He's waking up!"

"What?! That tranquilizer dart couldn't have worn off that quickly!" He nearly shouted, but managed to keep it quiet, seeing as Ezekiel was stirring from his slumber.

"I think the fact that he managed to get back into the plane after being hit by tranq balls proves he isn't affected by sleeping drugs. Why did you even use them, gosh!?" Harold piped up, Leshawna nodding in agreement.

"It was a quick solution and we had no time! Ask the intern who's bright idea it was to not restock the stronger tranquilizers!" He glared at a sheepish female intern.

"We didn't have time to reorder, we were busy with the preparations for the All Stars season!" She explained, earning an even fiercer glare from the producer.

"You know we need the tranquilizers for when there's any mutants that swim over from the island!" The producer yelled.

"I thought you guys fixed the island so there were no big ugly things." Lindsay said, the others agreeing.

"Uh, we did, it's just... We had some that survived decontamination!" The producer seemed panicked by this statement and quickly turned back to Ezekiel, who was finally awake. "Now would be a good time to get those tranquilizers you FORGOT TO GET airdropped before anything goes wrong!" He shouted at the intern, who scurried off.

"Um, producer guy, are we allowed to run, yah?" Staci asked.

"Don't worry, the cage is metal. Nothing short of toxic waste could burn through it." The producer said, clearly shaken, but calmly denying like all good producers do, but soon decided to leave the room. "I'll be back."

"Didn't Dawn say the cage will break?" Owen asked nervously.

"Cool!" Izzy had snuck over to the cage, entranced as Ezekiel attempted to claw at her. "Can I keep him?" She turned to the producer, who had already left. "Ok then, that's a yes!"

"GREAT BALLS OF FIRE, IZZY, GET AWAY FROM HIM!" Owen shrieked, promptly fainting. Those standing behind him quickly stepped out of the way, except for Justin, who was too busy staring at himself to get away.

"Help..." Justin gasped, crushed by Owen. Anne Maria gasped and pulled him away.

"I ain't letting no hot guy die on my watch!" Anne Maria yelled.

"Don't worry guys, he's totally harmless!" Izzy grinned, despite the fact that Ezekiel was gnawing on her hand.

"Yeah, he totally isn't a cannibal, _Noah_." Cody glared at him angrily.

"S-so I was wrong, sue me!" Noah ran over to Izzy, pulling on her other arm. "Not now, Ezekiel doesn't want to play!" Noah was used to Izzy getting too close to animals, but this was absolutely ridiculous. "Eva, a little help here!"

"Izzy, let the freaky thing go!" Eva walked over to Izzy, scorning her as if she was a small child.

"He's the one gnawing on her, Eva!" Noah whispered, still tugging fruitlessly at her arm, Izzy obliviously scratching Ezekiel behind the ears, who didn't stop gnawing on her, but seemed pleased, leg spazzing out like a dog.

"Shhh!" Eva whispered/yelled back, pulling Noah off Izzy. "Let me handle this." She smiled the most un-Eva smile any of them had ever seen, and turned to Izzy. "We can play with your friend tomorrow Izzy, now come on, Owen thinks you're dead." She pulled gently on Izzy's arm, and Izzy sighed and pulled her arm away from Ezekiel, who seemed disappointed.

"How...did you do that?" Noah asked weakly, as Eva walked Izzy away from the cage.

"It's all in the approach." She grinned.

"Woah, Eva's awesome!" Geoff whispered, earning an annoyed look from Bridgette. "I mean, not as awesome as you, of course!" He sheepishly added.

"Why aren't we doing anything?" Brick whispered to DJ from behind B.

"I don't know about you, but I'm staying right behind him until they get Zeke out of here!" DJ whispered back, B giving them the thumbs up to indicate that he'd be cool with that.

"Ok, you have a point, but I feel like I should be doing something!" Brick got up.

"What can you do?" DJ pulled him back. "I'm not losing a friend to Zeke!"

"Words that I never thought I'd hear about Zeke." Trent had to interject with a joke to lighten the scene.

"Omg, Justin!" Sadie fawned over a groaning Justin, Katie and Anne Maria also joining in.

"Yeah, you totally need to be more careful!" Anne Maria scolded. "No hot guy dies while Anne Maria is here!"

"I thought you were dating Vito!" Katie growled, not wanting any more competition. She already agreed to share Justin with Sadie, she did not need a third party in this affair.

"Eh, what he doesn't know won't hurt him." Anne Maria shrugged. "That's what my momma told me about her and dad, anyway." She seemed unaware of the odd looks Katie and Sadie were giving her. "Well come on, his percussion won't fix itself!"

"It's concussion, and I highly doubt he has one." Noah corrected.

"Percussion, concussion, tomato, tomato." Anne Maria shrugged.

"Guys, seriously, focus!" Bridgette shouted. "We're arguing when we should be doing something!" She pointed to the enraged Ezekiel, who was furiously gnawing at the steel bars of the cage.

"He's not going to chew through the bars any time soon, Bridge, and we can't really do anything about it. Everyone's just trying to stay chill." Geoff defended the others.

"I suggest standing exactly five steps to the left, Lindsay." Dawn walked up to Lindsay politely and motioned for her to move.

"Why, Daria?" Lindsay asked obliviously, Beth doing as Dawn said.

"Oh, Ezekiel's going to be spitting there in about a minute." Dawn smiled and Lindsay moved as soon as she said the word spit.

"Thanks, Daria!" Lindsay smiled. "Spit is really gross." Most of the girls nodded, including Dakota, who seemed to be disturbed by the thought of spit.

"What's the big deal, it's just spit." Eva said. "You girly girls take everything so seriously."

"Well, considering that he hasn't seen hide nor hair of a toothbrush in at least a year, I'd say his spit would be rather infectious, actually." Harold said, earning grossed out looks from everyone. "Gosh, I was just saying."

"Oh, it's about time." Dawn looked down, then stepped back as Ezekiel hissed and crouched as if preparing to pounce. Everyone else stepped back, farther away from the spot Dawn had indicated, prepared to run. He suddenly leaped forward and spat out a gob of spittle that burned through the steel bars of the cage, eating away a sizable hole through it. The spit landed directly on the spot Lindsay was a minute ago, eating away a dent into the concrete. Lindsay shrieked, as well as everyone else besides Dawn, who was eerily calm and didn't react.

"Ok, what the fuck!" Noah said, frozen in place by fear.

"Guys, don't move. Unless he comes closer, then move as fast as you can!" Geoff whispered, stepping in front of Bridgette protectively. Several other couples did the same, and Staci put her hand on the doorknob, ready to flee. Ezekiel sniffed at the air and leapt through the hole, Staci pushing the door open, not fleeing yet though, curious to what would happen. Ezekiel froze when he recognized Anne Maria, who backed up.

"Oh no, not again, I ain't doing this song and dance again!" She growled at Ezekiel, who suddenly whipped his head towards the beach. He turned back to Anne Maria, then the beach, then back again, seemingly torn. "What's he looking at?" She said suspiciously, looking at the beach. Ezekiel glared at the rest of them, hissed, then scampered away towards the beach, leaping into the water and swimming towards Wawahnakwa. "Where's he headed?"

"I... think he's going back to the island..." Trent looked confused and scared. "Huh."

"We have the-" The producer and the intern returned, the intern carrying a dart gun. The producer stopped when he saw the chaos that had unfolded while he was away. "How did he escape? Where is he now? WHY DIDN'T YOU DO SOMETHING!" He screamed at the teens, who shrugged, still kind of in shock at this entire sequence of events.

"In answer to your questions, in order; One, he spat a gob of toxic spit that melted through the bars, two, he started swimming towards Wawahnakwa, and three, we were too scared to touch him." Noah said, listing off reasons. "Plus, it all happened pretty fucking quick."

"Do you always swear this much while in mortal peril?" Cody turned to Noah, confused by Noah's more colorful vocabulary.

"Yes, yes I do." Noah said, annoyed.

"Ok, ok, ok, we just need to call up Chris and warn him. You kids, go back and finish the show." The producer said quickly, turning to the intern. "I said, call Chris!" He shouted, the intern scurrying off again.

"Have to watch?" Dakota asked the producer, who jumped back at her loud voice.

"Y-yes..." He mumbled, apparently not used to the gentle giant.

"Ok..." Everyone sighed.

"Ok, so when did he develop toxic spit anyway?" Leshawna complained as they walked back into the room, Tyler still sound asleep on the chair.

"I'd say it was the toxic waste. Just a couple hours turned Dakota into a mutant, so it stands to reason that the waste gave him that toxic spittle." Harold said helpfully, Dakota growling at the mention of the mines.

"Ooh, ooh, Owen, for Christmas, I want toxic spit too!" Izzy was riding on the revived Owen, who looked rather worried at the concept of Izzy with toxic powers.

"Are you sure you don't just want cookies?" Owen asked nervously.

"Ooh, ooh, toxic spit cookies?" She grinned.

"Sure, why not." Noah snarked, shooing Bridgette away from his chair. "No one sits on my chair but me, honey."

"Ugh, what is it with you and that chair?" Bridgette growled.

"You can still sit on my lap, babe!" Geoff grinned, and Bridgette sighed, smiling.

"Thanks, Geoff." She sat on his lap and kissed him.

"Has anyone seen the remote?" Cody asked, Trent shrugged, but B pulled a makeshift remote out of his pocket and smiled. "Thanks, B!" He pressed the button happily.

_"Without this link to Cody Wody, I'd probably lose my mind!" Sierra giggled, throwing her hands up._

"The boats already sailed on that one, honey." Noah smirked.

"It sunk a long time ago." Cody looked humiliated.

"She called you Cody Wody!" Izzy grinned, giggling madly.

"Shut-shut up..." Cody mumbled, face red.

_"Oh internet, never leave me!" Back in the cabins, she was caressing her phone, Zoey and Courtney looking confused._

_"Room service, suckers!" Courtney and Zoey turned when they heard Chef's voice, and a bucket of gruel was tossed through the door._

"I almost forgot about the food there. Almost." Eva growled.

"Oh my gosh, Katie, remember how bad the food was?" Sadie frowned, still speaking in her peppy voice.

"Oh my gosh, yeah, being kicked out was so-o much better!" Katie grinned. "I, like, don't even mind not competing now!"

_"What's wrong with you?" Courtney screamed, Chef having stuck his head in the door._

_"Here's breakfast!" He grinned._

"Oh goodie, I was waiting for a reference to The Shining. No door hole is complete without it." Cody said.

"Wow, you've got a great impression of Fruitcake, you know that?" Eva smirked, Noah frowning.

"I was about to say that, you know." Noah said to Cody, annoyed.

"I know." Cody smirked.

_"Thank you Chef!" Sierra grinned and waved, ignoring the sludge on her face._

_"We've got to win the next challenge and get into that spa-hotel!" Courtney said to Zoey, swiping the gruel off her face. The camera panned down to the floor, where Sierra had picked up the sludge and eating it._

_"True love sure does build up an appetite!" She smiled, Zoey and Courtney exchanging concerned glances._

"I don't remember her being this crazy, you know?" Trent said, frowning.

"Says the guy who went psycho in TDA." Izzy said, uncharacteristically sarcastic. "I mean, E-scope and I totally think you were totally bonkers!" She grinned and made circles with her finger.

"Shut up, that was an isolated incident." Trent frowned.

_"Oh I am digging this." The camera switched over to the hotel, where Gwen and Scott were having breakfast at opposite ends of a long table. Scott grinned as the butler handed him sausages. "I can't wait to be a millionaire. I got up at five AM to watch the releasing of the doves, and I'm just gonna say it, it was beautiful." He sniffled, Duncan sitting down beside him._

"Are you kidding?" Noah groaned. "I get called back to TDWT and all I get is subpar freakin' airplane food, and these guys get this!"

"Dakota's daddy has better table." Dakota grumbled. "No see what big deal is."

_"Yeah, this is the life!" Duncan agreed. "And if we keep winning challenges, we can live like this all season!" He smiled, while Scott grabbed his plate and ate off it without any utensils._

"Ok, does this guy know the meaning of the words 'table manners'?" Leshawna looked grossed out, most of the girls agreeing."He grew up on a farm, not a forest! I've seen better manners back in the projects!"

_"To villainy!" Duncan raised a glass of orange juice, as did Scott, clinking glasses._

_"Yeah, villainy..." Gwen moped, looking down at her pancakes._

_"'Sup with you, dollface?" Duncan grinned._

_"Wha-oh, uh, nothing, just, uh, y'know, wondering how Lightning's doing on Boney Island?" She looked up from her pancakes and stuttered, lying weakly._

"As if anyone cares." Noah said, annoyed. "I've got more important things to worry about, and so do you."

"Aww, Gabby's so sad..." Lindsay frowned, pouting.

_The scene switches to stormy skies, lightning crackling as the camera panned down to Lightning, crouching on a rock and clutching a stick, determinedly scanning the water below him._

"Ok, I've noticed something. How does the weather on Boney Island differ so much from the main island?" Noah asked. "I always assumed Chris had a smoke machine set up, but the lightning seems to indicate it's real."

"You know what I've noticed, fruitcake?" Eva growled. "Your mouth, and how it isn't shut at this moment!"

_A catfish swam by Lightning's rock, and he swung his stick into the water, sending the fish flying out of the water and landing on the beach_

"Woah, dude, that's wicked!" Geoff gaped.

"Omg, Sadie, he's so cool!" Katie grinned, Sadie nodding in agreement.

"Please don't tell me he's gonna eat that, is he?" DJ shivered. "At least, is he going to cook it first?"

"I doubt the moron knows how to light a fire, even if you gave him a lighter." Noah said, annoyed.

"I don't blame him. Lighters are really complicated." Lindsay butted in. "You have to remember which way the lighter points and everything!"

"I'm amazed you've survived to this point, you know that?" Noah glared at her.

"Thanks!" Lindsay seemed unaware that that was an insult, smiling.

"My great great-" Staci began, before a grinning Izzy pulled a roll of duct tape out of her hair and waved it menacingly. Well, if you considered wildly juggling it menacing. "Sorry." Staci shrunk back.

_"Ha, fish, you've been struck by Lightning!" Lightning grinned, as one of the monster geese that inhabited Boney Island flew by, grabbing the fish in its mouth._

"Dakota thought island was decon-con-tamin..." Dakota struggled to finish the long word. "-Clean." She settled on an appropriate synonym.

"_Stymphalian Canadian Geese are actually native to Boney Island, and have been around for several centuries. They're no product of toxic waste, just beautiful birds that time forgot." Harold popped up behind Dakota, startling her, she reflexively punched the wall where he had been standing seconds ago, leaving a hole in the wall._

_"Oh no you don't!" Lightning leapt off the rock and grabbed the other end of the fish, playing tug of war with the goose, the goose pulled him off camera, and he soon apparently triumphed, as he held the battered dead catfish in his hand, victorious. He whooped in victory, then ate the fish in one bite._

_"That. Is. Rank." Bridgette gaped, most of the girls seemed to agree, hands over their mouths._

_"Even I wouldn't eat that." Owen laughed, causing everyone to turn to him in disbelief. "What?"_

_"Dude, I once bet you five bucks to eat toilet paper, and I lost five bucks." Geoff said flatly. "Totally worth it though!" He grinned, laughing._

_"Ok, maybe I would. But definitely not without ketchup." Owen smiled, embarrassed._

_Lightning stood there smiling for a second, before his stomach gurgled in apparent displeasure. "Sha-dang, this fishy is swimming back upstream!" Lightning said, before his cheeks bulged and he ran behind a rock to puke._

"It never gets less gross, does it?" Bridgette looked like she was going to puke as well.

"Nope, I've thrown a ton of great parties, and l can tell you, it doesn't matter how many times you've seen Brad Jameson puke his guts out after drinking too much spiked punch, it never gets less gross." Geoff smiled obliviously, while Bridgette seemed to calm down.

_"I just hope Lightning doesn't find the invincibility statue, if we don't vote him off soon, he'll be too strong for us to beat later!" Jo put down her platter of steaks, talking to the others._

"I sure hope he doesn't. I don't know how much more Sha-bullshit I can take!" Eva growled.

"Uh, you do realize if he's voted off, he'll be coming here, right?" Leshawna said, the others nodding. "Then you'll have to deal with it in real life, not TV."

"I guess..." Eva groaned.

_"So maybe we should do it right away..." Scott stroked his chin in contemplation. "Throw the next challenge."_

"Yes, because it worked so-o well last time." Noah said sarcastically.

"It did? I thought he was eaten by a shark because of that." Lindsay said, finger on her chin in thought

"My poof has more brains in it than you." Anne Maria glared, spraying said poof vigorously with a hairspray can.

"Ooh, ooh, can it do my homework?" Lindsay asked excitedly.

"Sure, blondie, it's a whiz at algebra." Anne Maria said, sarcastically.

"Yay!" Lindsay clapped her hands happily, Anne Maria gaping.

_"Pfft, and give up all this?" Jo said, gesturing around her. "No way!"_

_"True 'nough, this is sweet!" Scott grinned. "You know what I slept on last night?"_

Geoff held his breath, struggling to contain himself. "Must resist..." He finally, however blurted out. "THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!" He sighed in relief, most of the guys snickering.

_"A pillow! Filled with feathers!" Scott squealed. "Back on the farm, it's a burlap sack filled with small animals."_

"Remember what I said about not living in a forest? I'm not so sure anymore." Leshawna said, mildly disturbed.

"What kind of life is life without pillows?" Izzy gasped. "No pillow fights that escalate into pillow wars? No pillow forts?" She sniveled, almost brought to tears.

"He has pillows, Izzy." Eva said, calming her down. "Vermin infested ones, but pillows."

_"You ever have a pillow bite your face?" Scott glared._

"Oooh, no, but I want to now!" Izzy grinned.

_"I'd like to enjoy my breakfast now. And that will require you to stop talking." Jo said, fork holding up a steak._

_The camera cut away to the spa hotel's massage table, where Alejandro was getting a massage from a female intern, Heather sitting nearby._

"Ok, seriously?" Noah groaned. "I should have waited a season, this one's much less evil!"

"Oh. My. God. Katie, he's in a speedo!" Sadie squealed, blushing, several girls squealing as well.

"I totally wanna be that intern right now, Sadie!" Katie grinned, lost in her fantasy.

_"Quit hogging the masseuse!" Heather complained._

_"Huh..." Alejandro sighed. "I'm sure her hands are magical, if only I could feel them."_

_"Seriously? Your legs are still asleep?" Heather looked suspiciously at Alejandro._

_"I don't know if they'll ever wake up." He looked up at Heather, eyebrows covered in tape, it was clear he'd used the time at the spa entirely on washing up. "I was squashed into that robot suit for an entire year, which you would have known had you ever texted me!"_

"Oooh, lovers' quarrel!" Izzy grinned, pulling a handful of popcorn out of her hair. Owen looked at her pleadingly, and she handed him a handful too.

"I doubt he had a phone anyway." Trent said, annoyed.

_"It's not like you ever texted me!" Heather got up in his face, but paused. "Are you getting your eyebrows waxed?" She looked confused. "Wow..."_

"Ooh, someone else who appreciates the finer aspects of bodily grooming!" Justin grinned, suddenly interested in the show again.

_"They call it manscaping because it is very manly." Alejandro explained. "And I didn't text you because I was trapped in a robot suit!"_

"So you don't even have a point, and you're a dumb girly girl guy!" Eva growled.

_"Well... Ugh...Whatever!" Heather ripped off Alejandro's waxing tape, and the camera cut outside the hotel as his scream rang out._

_**Confessionals:**_

_"Puh-lease, this 'my legs don't work' thing is obviously bogus, he just wants sympathy!" Heather glared. "But news flash, I am not falling for him-it... not falling for it!" She looked panicked._

_"I have never found Heather to be more radiant!" Alejandro grabbed his hair. "Her glossy locks, her perma-frown, the way the hair on her upper lip catches the light when she yells at me!" He paused. realizing how odd that sounded. "Keep in mind, I was in a robot suit for a year."_

"Awww, they still have a crush on each other!" Katie swooned.

"That is sooo sweet!" Sadie said, but paused. "In a mean, nasty, evil sort of way, anyway."

"I dunno about you, but I find this more disturbing than sweet." Noah frowned. "Kind of Stockholm's-ish, actually."

"Oooh, is that when you think you're like, Sherman Homes?" Lindsay asked.

"Stockholm's, not Sherlock Holmes." Harold said. "Stockholms is when a hostage develops sympathy for their captor."

_"Attention Campers, It's challenge time!" Chris's voice came over the intercom. "Get your hiney's over to the beach, pronto!" Heather and Alejandro both looked up._

_"Shall I fetch the baby carriage?" Heather smirked, rolling her eyes, but gaped when Alejandro simply walked on his hands instead. "Show off!" She huffed._

"Remember what Gwen said about how guys shouldn't be that flexible? I agree." Leshawna said.

_The camera cut to the beach, the teams on two platforms, minus Lightning and Sam. Gwen climbed up on the villains platform, and Duncan winked at her, only to be not noticed. "Ooh, somebody's invisible!" Chris grinned."Huh huh, harsh!" He laughed. "TV couples, is it ever a good idea?"_

"I dunno, you and Chef seem pretty happy." Noah smirked.

_A horn honked as the former boat of losers sped by, Lightning jumping onto the platform and doing flips in midair. "Any luck finding the invincibility statue?" Scott prodded Lightning._

_"No need, I am an invincibility statue!" Lightning said smugly._

_**Confessionals:**_

_"He is so arrogant!" Alejandro complained. "I might understand it if he had this face, but he does not have this face." He pointed to himself._

"Pot calling the kettle black much?" Trent smirked.

_"Arrogant?" Lightning scoffed, apparently overhearing Alejandro's confessional. "Be fair now, look at me." He flexed. "Sha-yeah!"_

"Ok, I'll give him that he's got the body, but the brains are severely lacking." Bridgette said.

"Yeah!" Geoff laughed, an ice cream truck jingle playing. "Ooh, ice cream!" He looked up, Owen leaping out of his chair..

"We don't have an ice cream truck, Owen." Noah motioned for Owen to sit down.

"Oh, you caught me!" Izzy grinned, putting the kazoo she'd been using back in her bra.

_"Bonjour, mes campers!" Chris announced to the beach, wearing a beret and what appeared to be an ascot. "Some of you will recall our Season 3 Parisian 'Find and Build a Sculpture' debacle."_

"I lost my good shoe to that." Noah complained.

_"Well, this time, our interns have buried 3d puzzle pieces all over the beach." Chris proclaimed, the camera panning over said beach as Sam stumbled onto the platform area._

_"Seven pieces per team, find all your pieces and assemble them on your platform to recreate one of the landmarks visited on our world tour. First to finish, wins." Chris explained, the camera cutting to Sam, white from blood loss, stumbling onto the platform._

"Sean doesn't look so good..." Lindsay said sadly.

"I hope he's ok..." Beth muttered.

"Sam!" Dakota said, frightened. Dawn quickly moved over to comfort her before anything was destroyed.

_"Sam?" Zoey asked, confused and concerned. "You ok?"_

_"Ugh... Feeling... Woozy, ki-kind of drained a little-a lot..." Sam explained, falling onto Cameron. "Not sure why..."_

"Ok, that mutant mosquito is evil." Cody said.

_"Since the Villainous Vultures won the first challenge, they get to dig with shovels." Chris explained. "Incoming!" He called to Chef, who tossed the shovels from the Boat of Losers._

"Ok, so what do the heroes get, sand castle buckets?" Owen asked.

"If they're lucky." Noah said.

_The shovels flew through the air, Duncan caught his, as did Jo, but Scott was hit in the face with his. Gwen covered her eyes in fear, only to have Lightning hand her a shovel. "Sha-yoink!" He grinned, catching the remaining two shovels without looking. _

_"Um, shovel please!" Heather walked up to Lightning, annoyed._

_"Nuh-uh, I need both!" He said, looking at one shovel. "When this one gets tired, I'll use this one!" The camera cut to Gwen as a sharp thwack was heard, Heather walking off with a shovel, leaving Lightning with a shovel shaped dent in his face, falling over._

_"Hey, where are our shove-AH!" Sam walked off the platform, falling onto the sand. "Ugh...AH!" He screamed as the sand beneath him collapsed._

"Duuu-uude, sick!" Geoff laughed, earning a glare from both Bridgette and Dakota. "Sorry, sorry."

_"And getting on and off your platforms will be challenging, due to the moats." Chris explained, Jo poking the sand with her shovel. "That are filled with-" Chris began._

_"Agh! Crustaceans!" Sam crawled out of the pit, only to be dragged back in by said crabs._

"Ok, that's just mean." Beth glared.

"Sam!-" Dakota screamed, before Dawn rubbed her hand soothingly.

"It's ok, Dakota, it's ok, Sam is safe now. The show aired an hour ago, he's fine..." Dawn smiled, Dakota smiling back.

"Dawn is new buh-fuh-fuh?" Dakota asked, Dawn nodding.

"I'm beginning to wonder if letting Dakota watch is a bad idea..." Noah said, pointing to the hole in the wall.

_"I don't know why, but it gets funnier every time." Chris giggled._

_"No big thing for Light-oh-ning!" Lightning laughed, jumping off the platform. "Sha-bam-AH!" He landed safely, only to have a board spring up, launching him into the pit._

"I knew it was looking too safe." Leshawna said.

_"And you might wanna watch out for booby traps in the sand." Chris laughed again._

_"What are we supposed to dig with?" Mike asked, confused._

_"Sorry, shovels are for winners only." Chris said, smirking. "I guess you'll have to use your hands. Your challenge starts now!" He pulled out an air horn, blasting it._

_"We should divide our area into sections, and each dig in one!" Zoey suggested, the Hamsters in a huddle._

_"No, let's separate the beach into quadrants and each pick a quadrant!" The camera shifted to focus on Courtney._

"Those are the same thing, gosh!" Harold scoffed.

"Yeah, but Courtney says it so much prettier!" Justin swooned.

_"That's exactly what Zoey said." The camera switched to Cameron, who was looking at her confused._

_"Then.. good! We'll use the plan that Zoey and I came up with!" Courtney said, annoyed._

_"Go team!" Zoey put her hand in the center, all the others soon following with the same words, except for Courtney, who glared._

_"Ugh... Yeah yeah yeah, can we start digging now?" She grumbled._

"Wow, what's with the attitude?" Anne Maria scoffed, spraying her hair arrogantly. "What?" She looked genuinely confused when the others gave her odd looks.

_**Confessional:**_

_"What's with the lovin'? Hello, it's called Total Drama, not Total Friendship!" Courtney complained._

"Remind me again why she's on the heroes side, and not Gwen?" Cody glared, clearly still bitter.

"Because she has better lawyers?" Noah smirked.

_"Strategy people, Stra-te-gy!" Jo complained, talking to the other Villains. "We should start from one end, and dig to the other one in a straight line!"_

"She's good at taking charge." Brick grinned goofily.

"Wow, you really like Jane, don't you!" Lindsay smiled.

"No-no way!" Brick said, blushing.

"Oh, ok." Lindsay smiled, seemingly satisfied. "Cause it looked like-"

"It wasn't." Brick's face was tomato red, biting his lip.

_"And what if the pieces are all at the far end, huh, huh?!" Heather growled. "We need two lines that push towards the center."_

"She does have the better plan, Brick." Trent said, earning a little huff from the cadet.

_"Right, guys?" She called out to the other villains, who seemed to ignore her._

_"Ain't nobody telling Lightning where to dig!" Lightning ran past them. "I'm my own man!" He began to 'dig' in the ocean._

_**Confessionals:**_

_"Sometimes when my tummy's empty, my mind ain't full." Lightning explained, pointing to his head._

"You must be pretty hungry a lot, then." Noah glared. "Can someone explain how jarhead almost won last season?"

_"Stupid Boney Island fish!" Lightning said, before his cheeks bulged and the screen cuts._

_"I can't believe Lightning made it to last season's finale! Does he ever sha-shut up?" Gwen said, annoyed. The screen cuts back to Lightning puking into the toilet._

"Ulp." Bridgette sighed, covering her mouth.

"You ok babe?" Geoff asked, to which Bridgette nodded.

_"Eheheheheheh-wheeee!" Sierra was already digging away, panting like a mad dog. The others were not so enthusiastic, Cameron having uncovered a beeping red light. He touched it tentatively, sending him flying as the bomb exploded, clothes flying everywhere._

"Hey, that's my detonating duffle bag design!" Brick growled.

"Looks like Chris learned something from you." Noah smirked. "Great job, cadet, you gave Chris a new explosive weapon. He really needed one."

"How did he find out anyway, I only taught Lightning, Sam and Scott that trick..." Brick scratched his head.

"He has cameras everywhere, genius." Eva growled.

_"Eww, Chef's dirty laundry!" Chris grinned, pinching his nose as Cameron pulled a piece of underwear off his face. "Pretty stinky!" He laughed as the underwear flew by. _

_Cameron gasped as he spotted a fedora on the ground. Grinning, he walked over to Mike. "Here, we could use some of Manitoba Smith's treasure hunting skills right about now." He placed the fedora on Mike's head, causing Mike to gasp._

"Ok, so now he's Mississippi, right?" Lindsay asked tentatively.

"Yah, he's got the fedora on." Staci grinned.

_Manitoba stood up, grinning, he dove into the sand, arms spinning like a wheel, sending the ground into tremors. He came up seconds later with a piece of the puzzle in his hands. "G'day, beauty!" He said as he tossed the piece up onto the platform._

"Wow, Manitoba has mad skills!" Harold gaped.

"How in the hell did he do that?" Noah added. "I mean, that's just... Wow."

_The camera panned down to Zoey, who was digging away at the dirt. Manitoba walked up to Zoey and sat down. "Phew, looks like the real treasure is right here beside me!" He laughed, winking awkwardly. "Wink-wink."_

"Ok, even I'm better at flirting than he is." Geoff laughed.

"Says the guy who compared me to your friends mom." Bridgette smirked.

"You haven't met Evan's mom. She's like, the hottest lady over 30 I've ever seen... I mean, not as hot as you, babe." Geoff began, but quickly corrected himself when Bridgette gave him an odd look.

_"Fine. We'll work in a circular motion, towards the center." Heather attempted to compromise._

_"No, start with the corners, then move to the center, and zigzag!" Jo countered._

"They're still on this?" Trent asked.

"Jo doesn't stop arguing until she's won." Brick sighed. "I should know."

_"Some team." Gwen sighed, annoyed. _

_"Exactly!" Heather shouted. "And a team without a leader is like a horse without a head, it just runs around, blind." _

_"I'm pretty sure a horse without a head, doesn't run anywhere." Gwen countered._

_"Agreed, which is why I should be this teams leader!" Jo smirked, completely ignoring what Gwen meant._

_"No, I should!" Heather yelled._

_"Let's let the team decide." Jo grinned. _

_"Fine!" Heather screamed, and they walked off, each calling for different teammates._

_"Rrgh... I give up-woah!" Gwen growled, before tripping and falling at Alejandro's feet._

_"I hope you know that I appreciate your efforts." Alejandro smirked. "You are as wise as your skin is translucent." He gazed into her eyes._

"Wow, less than a day out of the robot suit and he's back to his old tricks." Noah glared. "You'd think he'd learn his lesson."

_**Confessionals:**_

_"I know he's evil, but... Oof, those eyes!" Gwen swooned as the confessional cut to Lightning puking again._

_"Attention team!" Jo called out to the rest of the villains. "I am your leader!"_

"I know you'd like her to be your leader!" Izzy poked Brick's chest, causing him to blush.

"Hey, no I wouldn't! She's got no team spirit whatsoever!" Brick huffed.

"Then why are you blushing?" Owen asked. "Are you hot or something?"

"I am not blushing!" Brick yelled, his face betraying him by flushing a deeper crimson.

"Are too!" Izzy poked him.

"Are not!" He called back, the two continued arguing this until Trent stepped between them.

"You totally are, dude." Trent said to Brick.

"Sh-shut up..." Brick said meekly.

_"No, I am!" The camera panned to Heather, standing at the opposite end. She pushed her shovel back into the sand, hitting something. "I found a piece!" She dug it out._

_"You'd never have found it without me!" Jo ran over, grabbing the piece, the two tugged at it, until Heather dropped it, landing on Jo's foot. "Ah!"_

_"Oops, sorry." Heather smirked, until Jo pushed her into the crustacean pit. "Ouch!" She screamed._

_"Two booby traps, two puzzle pieces, and two deliciously evil moats! It's still anyone's game, but it won't be for long, right here on Total Drama All Stars!" Chris announced, the camera panning out as he announced the title and they cut for commercials._

"I'm gonna go get popcorn." Cody announced. "And Noah's not getting any!" He grinned.

"Oh come on, are you still not over that?" Noah glared.

"Nope!" Cody smirked, blowing a raspberry at Noah.

"Ok, what are you, five?" Noah groaned as Cody left the room.

_"An hour has passed and the teams are still tied, one/all." As the commercials ended, the camera cut to a close up of Chris, who whispered. "Which raises a pertinent question," He added, still whispering. "WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG!" He screamed._

_"We don't have shovels!" Zoey yelled back, the others having similar complaints, except for Lightning, who could be heard shouting "I'm amazing!"_

_"Blahblablah, whine whine whine, hurry up!" Chris complained. "I have dinner plans!" He shouted, Cameron walking by, accidentally triggering a platform that sent him flying._

"Who would want to date him?" Cody grinned, having returned from the kitchen with popcorn.

"Oh come on, just one?" Noah attempted to reach the popcorn bowl, which was just out of his reach.

"Sweet, buttery revenge." Cody grinned.

_"Woooah!" Cameron screamed, Scott laughed at him until Cameron fell on top of him, sending him skidding. Cameron got up and ran off, leaving Scott behind. When Scott got up, he saw he had uncovered a piece of the puzzle._

_"Alright!" He grinned, the camera cutting to the piece being tossed up._

_"And that's two for the villains!" Chris announced._

_The camera cut to Zoey attempting to lift an uncovered piece unsuccessfully, until Manitoba ran over. "That's alright sweetheart, don't strain yourself, allow me!" He smirked, and began to pull at the piece instead._

_"Well, if you insist..." Zoey smiled, slightly touched. Suddenly, a cannon appeared out of the sand, Manitoba ducking as it shot out a boxing glove, which flew off and hit Courtney into the crustacean pit, making her scream and run out of the pit._

_"Yes!" Gwen exclaimed, pulling out a piece of the villains puzzle. "Got one!" She shouted._

_"Way to go Gwen-" Duncan walked over, triggering another trap that threw sand in his face, causing Gwen to giggle._

_"Finally!" Jo found a piece, holding it up._

_"Lightning to the rescue!" Lightning grabbed the piece from Jo's hands. "Way to go me!"_

"Hey!" Brick shouted.

_"Hey!" Jo shouted. "Come back here with that!"_

"Is there an echo in here?" Lindsay asked

_"Check it out guys, I found-" Sam walked up with a piece of the puzzle, only to have a pole come up and hit him right in the groin. "-another one!" His voice turned squeaky._

"Oooouch..." Geoff winced, as did all the other guys, some covering their crotch.

"Man, that's gotta hurt." Trent said, wincing as well.

_"Nuts?" Chris grinned and offered Chef a bowl of cashews, clearly waiting for something like that to happen._

_"Ha, too small for Lightning!" Lightning uncovered a piece of the puzzle, only to toss it away, hitting Jo and sending her into the crab moat._

_"Another!" Manitoba tossed the head of the statue up onto the platform. "It's like taking vegemite from a rube!" He bragged to Zoey. "I could show you how sometime." He smiled._

_"Heh, no thanks, with Mike maybe." She walked off._

_"Yup, she's a loyal one! Mike knows how to pick 'em." Manitoba grinned, following after her._

_The camera cut to Gwen, who was digging, only to hit another trap, which shot water up like a geyser. Chef and Chris fist bumped at her annoyed expression._

"I think Chris is controlling the traps." Beth said.

"Makes sense." Noah shrugged, having managed to sneak a popcorn mouthful, much to Cody's displeasure.

_Lightning carried two pieces on his arms, throwing them up with the others. "Aren't you beautiful!" He said to his biceps, kissing them. "Look at gorgeous you!" He said to the other. "Sexy beast!"_

"He makes Justin look modest." Bridgette frowned.

"His narcissism is a disturbing cry for attention due to his father's neglect." Dawn commented.

_Scott stepped over the line between the two sides, whistling innocently. He poked in the sand for a piece, then, when he hit one, began to dig it up and place it on the villains side. "Heheheheheh." He snickered, covering the piece up._

_"What are you up to, kookaburra?" Manitoba stepped over to him, eyeing Scott suspiciously._

_"Whatever do you mean?" Scott denied smugly as Manitoba got in his face._

_Manitoba glared and stuck his finger in his mouth, then touched the sand where Scott had buried the treasure._

"How does he know that it's there?" Lindsay asked, confused.

"He's licking his finger so he can test how cold the sand is. Colder and wetter sand is more likely to have been freshly turned over." Harold explained. "They teach you how to do it in the Muskrat Boys."

"I don't get it..." Lindsay sighed.

_Manitoba licked his finger again, narrowing his eyes, he pulled out the hidden puzzle piece. "Ha!" He laughed, pulling Scott closer by his t-shirt. "Nice try, you wily dingo!" He smirked. Scott stepped back, pressing a hidden pressure pad in the sand, releasing a swarm of bees._

_"Bees... BEES!" Scott screamed, turning around, he accidentally whacked Manitoba with his shovel, sending him falling into the dirt. The screen zoomed in on Manitoba, revealing the inside of his mind, where the other personalities appeared to be playing cards. The room was mainly pink brain matter, with a large picture of Mike adorning a wall.._

"How are we seeing inside his mind?" Noah asked, confused.

"I dunno..." Owen added. "They saw inside my dreams too..."

"Is Owen always naked in his dreams?" Izzy grinned, jumping on Owen's back.

"Don't answer that!" Noah said quickly, disturbed. "Let's drop the subject!"

"Ok!" Owen smiled, as everyone breathed a sigh of relief

_"Go vith the fishing!" Svetlana stood up, triumphant._

_"Ey yo, it's go fish, not 'fishing'!" Vito smirked._

"Eee! Vito!" Anne Maria squealed. "I miss you!" She shouted to the TV.

_Manitoba suddenly fell from the ceiling, the other personalities scared. "Aw, that can't be good..." Chester sighed._

_"Hey, do you feel that?..." Manitoba began. "The Malevolent One... He's coming!" He announced, the other personalities shrieking as they turned to the portrait of Mike, which quickly burned away to a shadowy picture of Mike, with hair drooped over one eye and an evil smirk._

Dawn was in the middle of pouring tea for Dakota when she saw this turn of events. Her blue eyes widened and her pupils shrunk, dropping the pitcher of tea. "Oh no..." She whispered, freezing up.

"Creepy girl!" Eva grabbed her, shaking her back and forth. "WHAT. IS. GOING. ON?!" She yelled, but Dawn stayed frozen in place. "Great, we broke the only person who knows what's going on around here!"

"This is just weird..." Noah shivered. "That picture of Mike is really giving me the chills..."

"Me too..." Cody added.

"What do we do?" Beth said, scared. "Do we call someone?"

"The show's already aired, I'm sure someone's aware of what's going on." Bridgette said.

_"Mike, Miike!" Zoey's voice could be heard as the camera panned into the picture, fading to the real Mike's unconscious face. "Oh please be ok, Mike!" She said, scared, kneeling beside Mike._

_"Ughh, my head..." Mike groaned, rubbing his head, he began to get up._

_"No, stop, you need to rest!" Zoey said, concerned._

_"No, I'm ok..." Mike said, grabbing his fedora. "C'mon, we got to go back to digging..." He put the fedora on as he walked away, Scott still running from the bees in the background. "Huh, weird, I can't find Manitoba..."_

"I'm worried about Mike..." Bridgette said. "He could have a concussion, and with Dawn not talking, we don't know what's going on."

"I could talk to the producers if you want, Bridge." Geoff pulled out his phone.

"That would be nice." Bridgette pecked him on the cheek, and Geoff smiled, dialing the producers, he got up and walked to a corner of the room..

"What are we gonna do with the statue over here?" Eva pointed to the still frozen in place Dawn.

"Buh-fuh-fuh not moving..." Dakota said, scared, poking Dawn.

"I don't know why she's so spooked." Lindsay said. "I don't know what the word manelovant means either..."

"It's malevolent, and it means evil." Harold corrected.

"That's not the question I'm asking, I'm asking what we do with creepy girl!" Eva growled at Harold.

"I just got off the phone with the producer..." Geoff walked back to Bridgette, perturbed.

"Ok, so what did the producers say?" Bridgette asked Geoff.

"They said they know what's going on..." He said. "But they don't plan to do anything due to the drama it will stir up to let this one sit." He glared, sitting down when Bridgette moved over to let him.

"They really don't care, do they?" Bridgette huffed.

_The screen cut to Heather watching Alejandro, who had dug up another piece. His leg suddenly twitched, and Heather gasped. "Aha, I knew he was faking it!" She grinned, only for a crab to crawl out from under his leg, revealing it to be the reason it moved._

"So he really can't move his legs..." Noah said. "Serves the jerk right."

"Noah, are you really the only one not concerned with this whole Malevolent thing?" Bridgette glared.

"It's not that I'm not concerned, it's that I couldn't do anything even if I was there." Noah shrugged. "It's clearly a mental battle, maybe Mike's finally snapped, maybe not, but since I, unlike the producers, cannot see into his mind..." Noah snuck a handful from the unattended bowl of popcorn, since Cody was busy poking at Dawn. "...I have no way of helping." He finished.

"Still, you could stand to be a little more caring." Bridgette said.

"I don't do 'caring'." Noah sighed.

_"Oh..." Heather said sadly, as the crab glared at Alejandro, pinching his foot. Alejandro seemed to have not noticed, yawning._

_"Hey, Leggy Mclatin, nice accessory!" Jo laughed, as Alejandro noticed the crab, he quickly smashed the crustacean with his shovel._

_**Confessionals:**_

_"His legs are really asleep?" Heather said. "Great, now I feel awful." She crossed her arms._

_"It took all I had to hold in that scream till no one was looking." Alejandro smirked, a hint of laughter in his voice. The camera cut to him holding his breath, screaming into the hole he had dug. The camera cut back to the confessional, where Alejandro had stood up. "Cha-cha-cha... Surprise!" Alejandro smirked._

"Of course!" Bridgette complained.

"That sneaky bastard, the one time I think he actually gets his just desserts, and he is faking it!" Noah yelled, well, as close as he got to yelling, which was relatively low key.

_Cameron struggled to carry the puzzle piece he had uncovered, walking by the hole that Sierra had dug. "Sierra! What are you doing?" He called down to her. "You're like twenty feet deep!" _

_The camera panned down to show that she was indeed deep in the ground, apparently having never stopped digging. "Guess I got carried away, hehehe, I was pretending I was digging for Cody!" She laughed sheepishly, jumping out of the hole_

"Ok, at least I know who to call if I'm ever buried alive." Cody walked back to his seat, grabbing the popcorn bowl back from Noah.

"Evil...Evil is coming..." Dawn appeared to have woken up from her trance, shivering. She sat down on the floor and wouldn't stop shaking.

"I think we got that, sugar." Leshawna said comfortingly, although with a hint of annoyance. "Can you tell me what's gonna happen?"

"Sinking islands and reset buttons." Dawn said cryptically, but refused to say anything else.

_"How many pieces do we have now?" Sierra asked Cameron._

_"I don't know, maybe we shou-AH!" Cameron began, before Sierra tossed him along with his piece up onto the platform. When he landed, he counted the puzzle pieces. "We've got six out of seven pieces!"_

_"You guys start working on the puzzle!" Zoey said, walking up with Mike, who had abandoned the fedora. "We'll keep digging." She turned to Mike._

_"Ugh.. Ugh... yeah, good plan, just gotta catch my breath-AH!" Sam was collapsed on the beach, voice having returned to normal. He heaved, but suddenly a platform sprung up and catapulted him into a boat, he bounced off and fell into the ocean._

_"When we did our safety test, that boat wasn't there." Chris said innocently, hiding a smirk._

"Like you ever do safety tests." Noah glared.

_"As if we test these things." Chef grinned, both of them snickering._

_"AGH!" Sam popped out of the water, jellyfish flying off him. "JELLYFISH!" He ran out of the water, clutching his butt. "It stung my butt!" He ran past the other campers, who laughed. "Ow-ow-ow-ow!"_

"Part of me is laughing, but I've been stung by jellyfish before." Bridgette said, covering her smile with her hand. "The only immediate cure is peeing on it." She sighed. "That was not a fun trip to the beach."

"Gross!" Leshawna said, recoiling. "We did not need to hear that!"

_Most of the villains laughed, and surprisingly, so did Mike. "Heheheheheh!" Mike doubled over with laughter._

_"How can you laugh?" Zoey folded her arms angrily._

"Something about this doesn't seem like Mocha-Bean." Leshawna said suspiciously.

_"Cause..." Mike giggled. "The only cure for a jellyfish sting is to pee on it!" Sam ran back to the water, screaming._

"Not the only cure, actually." Harold said. "Just the most effective immediate cure."

_Sam leapt back into the water, which quickly turned yellow, Sam bobbing to the surface, relieved._

"Gross!" Lindsay shrieked, clutching her head.

"Hey, if I had to chose between dying and peeing on myself, I'd choose pee." Geoff defended Sam. "It's not like you can't take a bath."

"Sometimes I wonder why I love you." Bridgette smirked, but Geoff quickly shut her up with a kiss. "Oh yeah, that's why." She grinned.

_"Ewww." Zoey said, disgusted._

_**Confessional:**_

_"Well no one else was gonna pee on me..." Sam said defensively, then paused. "Hehehehe, huh... that is a weird sentence." He laughed._

_"A book, a crown, what the heck are we supposed to be building?" Cameron said. "Wait, I got it, these pieces make the statue of liberty!" He said triumphantly._

_"That's seven!" Lightning pulled up a piece of the puzzle. "Let's start sha-building!" Lightning ran past Alejandro and Gwen, who quickly followed. Lightning leaped up to the platform with little effort, Alejandro leaping, but failing to make it, his body made a bridge._

_"Coming through!" Jo smirked, walking over Alejandro, the others following, most adding something similar. Only Gwen apologized for using him as an impromptu bridge, however. Alejandro growled, only to have a crab pinch his nose._

_"Come on people!" Heather commanded. "Put this thing together already!" She threw up her arms in annoyance._

"I don't see you helping, princess demandy-pants!" Leshawna glared.

_"Try those two together!" Alejandro told Duncan. "No, those two!"_

_"Lightning finds the final piece!" Lightning congratulated himself, posing. "I'm a hero!" He paused. "It's probably a statue of me!" He posed in a heroic manner. "Being me!"_

"Yes, because you totally look like the Big Ben." Noah snarked.

_"It's tall, whatever it is." Gwen said, the camera panning over the statue. "And boxy, like a tower... oh, Big Ben!" She announced to the others. _

_"One piece to go, it must be in Sam's quadrant!" Zoey announced as the team looked over the near finished Lady Liberty._

_"Sorry guys, I'm moving as fast as I can!" Sam said, crawling along the ground, clearly still winded from all the abuse he'd been put through._

_"All we need is the torch!" Cameron said. "Hurry!" _

"Anyone notice how Sierra's swooning over Cameron?" Trent said, having been comforting Dawn the whole time.

"Maybe she'll stop stalking me and go for him!" Cody said happily.

"Would you really wish that fate upon him?" Noah frowned.

"Better him than me!" Cody smiled, then paused. "I mean, no..." He said, whistling innocently.

_"What's with the big hole?" Heather complained, seeing that Big Ben was missing it's face. _

_"Maybe we put it together wrong..." Gwen said._

_"Oh come on, just get it sha-done!" Lightning grabbed a crab, placing it where the clock would be. The crab snapped it's claws, causing the whole thing to collapse._

_"Way to go, Liability!" Jo glared._

"I don't think we need to bet on who's going home tonight." Trent smirked.

"Aw hell no!" Eva growled. "That means I'll have to deal with what's his face all season!"

"We'll all have to deal with it." Noah groaned. "Assuming the villains lose, that is."

_"Hey, it's not my fault you put it together wrong." Lightning said defensively._

_"We didn't put it together wrong, there are only six pieces!" Alejandro yelled._

_"Great. So Lightning miscounted." Jo picked up her shovel. "Come on everyone, we've still got digging to do."_

_"I counted seven!" Lightning yelled. "This is a conspiracy!"_

_"Yeah, a conspiracy of bad counting!" Heather yelled back, Jo fishing out the last piece from Heather's pit. _

_"Oh yeah!" She pulled out the clock face. Zoey and Mike shoved Sam from the spot he collapsed on, uncovering their final piece._

_"The torch!" Zoey grinned. As the others encouraged her, she tossed the final piece, which landed safely on their statue, revealing the complete Lady Liberty._

_"The Heroic Hamsters win!" Chris announced, the villains still completing their puzzle again._

_"Spa hotel, spa hotel!" Courtney, Cameron and Sierra yelled, Cameron being lifted like a doll by Cameron. _

"Yay! Sam no go home!" Dakota cheered, hands scraping the ceiling as she raised them in celebration.

_"Ahem, I do require a volunteer for exile duty!" Chris interrupted._

_"This one's on me, guys, to make up for my lack of digging skills an-AH!" Sam smiled, only to have Chef grab him by his collar and drag him on the Boat of Losers. The boat set off, him sadly standing there._

"Wow, I can't believe he just offered himself up." Geoff said. "Dude's got guts!"

"Sam amazing! Dakota worried he no make it..." Dakota smiled, but quickly sighed sadly.

"He offered himself because he wasn't working hard enough when he wasn't working hard because he was DRAINED OF BLOOD!" Noah gaped.

"Gotta say, Dakota, you know how to pick 'em." Leshawna smiled. "He'll be fine, I'm sure." She lied reassuringly.

_"Hey Courtney..." Gwen walked up to Courtney apologetically. "I just wanted to say congrats on wi-WOAH!" She shouted, having pressed another booby trap, it sent a garbage bag flying up into the air. Gwen quickly slammed her shovel into the garbage bag, sending it flying into Courtney. Courtney coughed, having rotten watermelon on her face. "That was an accident, I didn't mean to-" She said panicked, only to have Chris clap sarcastically._

_"Gwen, Gwen, Gwen..." He smirked. "So evil. You are definitely on the right team."_

"Oh come on!" Cody shrieked, throwing his hands up.

"I think he is rigging those up." Bridgette said suspiciously. "I wouldn't put it past him."

"Anyone want to bet on the elimination?" Trent said.

"What's the point?" Harold said. "Logically, the only one worth voting off is-" He began, only to have the doors thrown open.

"Lightning has arrived!" Lightning walked in, still sopping wet from the toilet.

"I thought you were supposed to wait until after the show!" Eva yelled at him.

"Man, you guys took way too long to watch the episode."Lightning shrugged dismissively. "Besides, dude, I couldn't let you guys live without the miracle of the sha-Lightning!" He posed dramatically, Eva threateningly gesturing, clearly about to erupt.

"Well, that ruins any suspense." Noah glared.

"I think Jenny's gonna be eliminated." Lindsay smiled obliviously. "What?" She said, everyone gaping at her.

"Anyway, continue." Lightning said dismissively, looking around for a seat, he apparently didn't see the sleeping Tyler, sitting down on him.

"AGH!" Tyler shrieked, being awoken rudely. "Five more minute-wait, what?" He pushed Lightning off of him. "Dude, not cool!"

"Tyler, you're awake!" Lindsay grinned, glomping him enthusiastically.

"Can we at least finish the episode?" Noah said, snatching the makeshift remote away from B, who glared but did not say anything.

_"Welcome Hamsters, sit back, enjoy the show." Chris said to the heroes, who were sitting comfortably in the peanut gallery. "Vultures, it's time for you to vote off your first villain." He turned to the villains, who were all glaring at one another, besides Gwen._

_The camera suddenly cut to Mike, or, what seemed to be Mike. His hair had dropped down to cover one eye, and the one that wasn't covered had dark rings around it. "One by one, they will all fall." His voice had turned deeper, and had a reverberating effect to it, the fire behind him crackling._

"Ok, can I panic now?" Cody asked Noah.

"Ok... Yeah, this is sufficiently freaky as all hell." Noah shivered, eyes wide.

"O-M-G, Sadie, his voice is so hot!" Katie squealed. "But he's kind of scary."

"I know, right?" Sadie said, clearly worried.

_"Huh?" The camera cut to Zoey, who seemed confused by Mike's statement. "Did you say something, Mike?"_

_"Ah, no, just sitting here." Mike gasped, smiling innocently._

_**Confessionals:**_

_"Lightning cost us the challenge, but Jo's annoying." Duncan put one hand up, then the other. "Tough call."_

"Hey..." Brick said defensively.

_"Ugh, I don't know who to vote for. They're all evil!" Gwen said, annoyed._

_"The following players are safe for another day." Chris announced, holding the cards out. "Duncan, Gwen, Scott, Alejandro and Heather." He tossed the marshmallows to the last two. "Lightning, you're on the chopping block for _your_ crummy math skills, and incessant bicep kissing"_

"The vote was sha-rigged!" Lightning said. "No way did Lightning miscount!"

"Yeah, you did, brainiac!" Eva growled.

"Nuhuh, I didn't!" Lightning said.

"Did to!" Eva called back. "And if you don't wanna lose to a girl for the second time today, you're gonna shut up!"

"I have not lost to a girl today! I lost to Jo!" Lightning growled. "Besides, you're not a girl either!"

"OH THAT IS IT, LET ME AT HIM!" Eva lunged, Dakota grabbing her arm and holding her back.

"No, Eva, bad." She scolded Eva like a puppy.

"He left Sam frozen in the ice challenge, remember?" Eva said to Dakota, who quickly let go.

"Guys! Can the fight wait till after we finish watching?" Bridgette stood between the two.

"Fine, but I'll be back." Eva growled.

_"If they were yours, you'd do it too!" Lightning smirked, kissing both biceps._

_"And Jo, you're on the block for your annoyingly pushy campaign to send Lightning home." Chris finished, Jo glaring at him. _

_"You did what?" Lightning got up in her face, Jo smirking._

_"And tonight's loser is..." Chris said, both looking up. After the usual tense camera flashes, Jo glaring, and Lightning kissing his biceps. "Lightning!" He flicked away the last card, revealing Lightning's photo had a huge X across it._

_"Sha-what?" Lightning said._

"The vote was rigged." He glared.

_"Tossing away your strongest team member!" The camera cut to the Flush of Shame, Lightning sitting inside. "You're gonna regret this!" He pointed. "Especially you, Jo, you're a total sha-AAAGH!" Before Lightning was able to finish cussing Jo out, Chris pressed the flush button. _

_"Family show people, family show." Chris smirked. "Who else is in line for a porcelain goodbye?" He said. "Find out next time on Total Drama All Stars!" He concluded, the camera panning to a shot of the island._

"Ok, now where was I?" Eva said, lunging for Lightning's throat.

"Sha-ouch!" Lightning shrieked.

"Shouldn't we do something?" Bridgette asked.

"Yeah, we should." Trent said. "Ten bucks says Eva wins!" He tossed down a ten dollar bill.

"Oh you are on!" Geoff said, tossing his own five dollar bill.

"Boys." Bridgette huffed.

"My money's on captain brainiac." Leshawna added.

"As if!" Bridgette suddenly changed her tune. "Eva's gonna strangle him!" She tossed down two bucks.

"Like hell she is!" Leshawna countered with her own two dollars.

"Sha-help!" Lightning screamed, but no one did anything.

AN; So concludes another episode. Who won the battle? I think we all know who, but toss your opinion in your review. If you're wondering how they can see into Mike's mind, I don't know. It's just essential to the plot to believe that they can. So just don't think too hard XD. So yeah, there will be some more out of show moments like the Ezekiel scenes, but they will always tie back into the show watching thing. If you don't like them, they're easy to skip.


	3. Saving Private Leechball

"We've got Movie Sign!" There was a suspiciously Cody sounding voice over the intercom as everyone poured into the room again.

"How much did it cost you to bribe the intercom guy?" Noah groaned.

"Twenty bucks." Cody grinned, punching Noah softly. "Turns out he was a huge fan of MST3K."

"See, timeless!" Harold popped up, only to have Noah punch him in the nose. "Ouuch..." He sighed.

"So, anyways..." Noah glared at Harold, who shrunk back. "What happened with Eva and Lightning? I left after she tried to force feed him that lightning bolt on his neck."

"Oh, he tried punching her back, but she made him punch himself." Cody giggled. "And then she borrowed Izzy's duct tape and taped his mouth shut."

"That's it?" Noah said, surprised. "Eva's gone soft!"

"Oh no, she taped his mouth shut, then ripped the tape off and stuck a new tape on him." Cody added. "You should have been there, it was really funny."

"I don't really enjoy watching wrestling matches, no matter how much Lightning deserves to be punched." Noah said, sitting down in his chair.

"You should have been there, Fruitcake." Eva walked up behind the two, grinning, Noah noticed she was wearing Lightning's necklace. "I nearly got him to wet his little panties!"

"Yes, because that's totally an image I needed to picture." Noah deadpanned. "Nice accessory."

"I know, right?" Eva swung the necklace around on her finger. "Figure he won't be needing it back."

"Mmmph!" Lightning walked in, still bruised up from his fight with Eva. He still had duct tape over his mouth, apparently unable to get it off. "Mmghph!" He glared at Eva, pointing at her new necklace.

"Oh, what's that, I can't hear you!" Eva laughed "Speak up!"

"I haven't seen Eva this happy since...ever, actually." Cody said, perturbed. "It's kind of disturbing, actually.

"GRRRMPH!" Lightning growled at the still giggling Eva, getting up in her face. "Gemph thmpmfs omph mmph!"" He pointed to the duct tape

"I don't think I will." Eva growled.

"Ok, ok, guys, the show's gonna start any second now, can this wait?" Bridgette stepped in between the two.

"Babe, don't get involved." Geoff pulled her back. "They're gonna fight whether you want it or not."

"Says the guy who bet five bucks on Lightning." Bridgette smirked.

"It's starting!" Geoff interrupted quickly, shushing her.

_"Last time on Total Drama All Stars, our heroes and villains went digging for buried treasure and uncovered a few nasty surprises." Chris said as clips of the previous episode played as usual. "Scott villained it up big time, trying to sabotage the heroes." A clip of Scott hiding the puzzle piece played. "And, when he got caught, he didn't take it so well." A clip of the bees attacking Scott was shown. "But in the end, the Heroic Hamsters were victorious, and Lightning, fresh from a hungry night of exile on Boney Island made enough boney-headed moves to get the royal flush from his teammates."_

"Thmph vomph wmth righmphed!" Lightning yelled.

"Sure it was, Bright-ning." Eva smirked. "And I'm the queen of England."

_"Twelve competitors remain, which one of them will ride the sewer system next? Find out right now on Total Drama All Stars!" Chris announced._

"Hey, has anyone seen Dawn?" Trent asked, worried. "I didn't see her come in."

"You never see her come in, she gets here before everybody else." Noah said. "She's reading tea leaves in the back." He pointed to the back of the room, where Dawn was obsessively tracing her tea leaves and rifling through a book. "She's so far come up with a moon, a CD, and a sinking ship. I have absolutely no clue what that means."

"A knife? That's not good..." Dawn suddenly mumbled, scribbling down notes. "Oh dear, poor Cameron..."

"Poor Cameron?" Cody asked, slightly scared.

"Betrayed then crushed by rocks." Dawn explained, writing more notes down.

"Ooook then, we'll take your word for it..." Trent backed away from Dawn nervously. "Can you predict who's gonna win? Cause I've got ten bucks riding on Mike here."

"Oh, I don't participate in gambling." Dawn smiled.

"What are you talking about? You won the first potluck bet!" Trent grumbled.

"I only bet on minor things. The fate of the island is not one of those things." Dawn explained angrily. "And you really need to stop betting. I can see it's causing your aura strife."

"Ok then... Wait, fate of the island?" Trent said, but Dawn refused to answer.

_"Ugh, I had almost forgotten about these crudtacular cabins." The camera zoomed in on the Villains loser cabins after the theme song ended, Duncan complaining._

_"Huh..." Alejandro looked down at Duncan, inside a sleeping bag. "Let us hope it is our only visit." He said. _

_Scott flopped down onto the bed, only to find it stiff and unyielding. "Owww," he groaned "I miss the hotel. Now that I know how rich people live, everything I used to love stinks!" He threw his hand down, only to have the bed collapse under him. "AH!" He screamed._

"Ok, that was amusing as hell." Noah grinned.

_Scott got up, one eye being poked by a spring. "Lousy discount bed!" He punched the rubble, only to pull his hand back, screaming, nails stuck in it._

"Personally, I'm torn between laughter and sympathy." Cody said. "That looks painful."

_**Confessional:**_

_"Scotts ok." Duncan smirked. "At least with him you know what you're getting... which is crud, but still, nice to know."_

_The camera cut to Alejandro wishing the other boys goodnight."Well, goodnight gentleman." Alejandro zipped his sleeping bag up. "Ah..." He sighed contently._

_**Confessional:**_

_"After a year in that robot suit, I find it difficult to sleep if I'm all... spread out." Alejandro explained, holding his hands out as he explained being spread out._

_"Thanks again for blowing the challenge, Jo!" Heather's voice was heard from the other side of the cabin._

"Ok, that was totally unfair, Jo wasn't the one who screwed up, it was Lightning!" Brick defended his obvious crush.

"Mmph!" Lightning growled.

"Ignoring Brick's obvious infatuation, he's right." Noah said. "Jo found a piece too."

_"Me!?" Jo was sitting on the top bunk in her normal attire. "You're the one who wasted time arguing instead of digging!"_

"You both argued!" Cody shouted.

"Wow, that was an unexpected outburst." Noah smirked. "Finally growing a backbone?"

"Shut up." Cody grumbled, halfheartedly kicking Noah.

"You two sound like an old married couple, Fruitcake." Eva smirked, earning a blush from Noah and Cody.

"Sh-shut up!" Both of them yelled at the same time. "Stop that!" They yelled at each other, Cody screaming in frustration.

"You did kiss that one time." Trent smirked.

"We were asleep!" Noah growled.

"And I like chicks!" Cody said.

_"I wouldn't have needed to argue if everyone just did what I told them to do!" Heather countered, the camera panning over to Gwen, restless and annoyed. "I'm the one with the most experience on this team!"_

_"Ugh! It's everyone's fault for not working together as a team!" Gwen sat up, fed up of the argument. "Now cram it, I am trying to sleep!" She laid back down and threw a pillow over her ears._

_**Confessional:**_

_"Did that sound villainous?" Gwen gasped. "I-I didn't mean to be harsh, but, ugh, bunking with the Bickersons is driving me bonkers!"_

"Bickersons? Isn't that from an old radio show?" Noah said, confused. "How does a goth get into a 1951 radio show anyway?"

"How did you get into it?" Cody retorted. "I don't see you being much for... whatever you just said."

"The Bickersons was a radio show that ran from 1946 to 1951 about a married couple that constantly bickered." Harold popped up behind the two.

"So like Cody and Noah? COOL!" Izzy grinned, earning a glare from both said boys.

"Shut up, Izzy." Noah tossed a remote at Izzy, who caught it in her mouth.

"Yum!" She chewed on it, accidentally hitting the play button.

_The camera switched over to the hotel, where an owl was hooting loudly. The butler stepped up to it. "Shhhh,sir." The owl looked sheepish and ceased hooting._

_"There you go, Cody-bear!" Sierra cooed, pulling covers over her phone, still on the picture of Cody in the shower._

"Ok, she's lost it." Trent looked creeped out. "You ok, buddy?" He turned to Cody, who was hiding behind his seat.

"No, I'm not! When she comes home she's going to do that to me!" He shrieked.

"You can hide in my room if you want." Noah offered helpfully.

"Thanks." Cody smiled, but stayed behind the chair.

_"All tucked in!" Sierra grinned, talking to the phone. "Today was a great day, I made some new friends, and I helped win our first challenge!" She put her hand up. "Aw, he'd be so proud!"_

"No, no I'm not!" Cody shrieked. "You're talking to a photo of me in the shower!"

_"Sweet dreams!" Sierra kissed the phone, kneeling on the bed, she then trotted over to the edge of the bed like a cat, kneaded the mattress and curled up._

"She sleeps like a cat?" Cody whispered.

"Oh yeah, she's never slept like a normal person the entire time we've bunked together!" Izzy laughed. "I learned that when I put itching powder on her pillow, and it's still there right now!" Izzy smiled. "Want me to go get it?"

"No!" Cody said, annoyed.

_"Huh... Weirdo." Courtney groaned, earplugs in._

_The camera cut to the empty bed, Mike jumping onto it. "Huhhh, oh yeah, this is the life!" Mike sighed happily._

"What happened to 'You will all fall!' guy?" Trent asked. "He seems perfectly normal to me."

"Mike is. _He_, however, is not." Dawn clarified, earning odd looks from everyone.

_"Yeah, but I feel a little guilty looking at Sam's empty bed." Cameron agreed, sitting opposite to Mike, the camera panning over to Sam's bag. "I hope he's ok over on Boney Island!"_

"Should someone hold down Dakota?" Bridgette whispered to Geoff. "I'm worried she'll freak out if anything happened to Sam."

"Yeah, that's a good idea, but Dakota... she's really strong." Geoff whispered back. "I don't think we could hold her back."

"I'll handle it." Dawn popped up between the two, smiling serenely. She walked over to Dakota and held her hand, or, as much as she could, which was a small wrap around her finger.

"How did she get there?" Bridgette said, confused.

_The camera cut to Boney Island, where a bunch of bears were crowded around a tree, one even carrying an axe, and another carrying a ketchup bottle._

"Where did the bear get an axe, anyway?" Trent asked.

"Remember the hotel Chris tried to set up? I bet the axe was left over." Beth said.

_The camera panned up to Sam, up on a branch with a squirrel. "Phew!" He wiped his brow. "That was too close! Right little guy?" He looked at the squirrel, which tossed a acorn at him. "Ow, whoah!" He fell down into the bears, scratching noises were heard, scraps of his shirt floating up to the squirrel, which was watching intently. "I can't bear it!"_

Everyone subconsciously backed away from Dakota, who looked like she was going to explode. "Dakota..." Dawn hugged Dakota, trying to get her to calm down.

"Dakota crush squirrel!" Dakota yelled, but surprisingly did nothing to destroy the walls. "Stupid squirrel hurt Sam!" She shrieked.

"Hurting the squirrel won't help anything, Dakota." Dawn smiled. "Sam will be fine. He's far away from the real danger."

"Hello, bears?" Noah said, confused and annoyed. "What's more dangerous than bears?"

_The camera cut back to a sleeping Cameron, but panned up to a shadowy Mike... Or not, only one eye was showing, and his eyes were filled with malice and evil._

"Is-is that Mike?" Bridgette asked. "He... He looks evil!"

"Dude, I think we know where 'all will fall' guy went." Geoff said, clinging to his girlfriend instinctively.

"He hasn't done anything yet. I bet he's just bluffing." Leshawna said, annoyed at everyone's fear.

"I don't know, Dawn seems like she's terrified of him." Trent countered, pointing at Dawn, who, while not nearly as freaked out as she was the day before, seemed pretty shaken up.

"She might just be overreacting." Leshawna said, shrugging.

_Mike walked over to Sam's bag and unzipped it, pulling out his GameGuy, laughing. "Huhhuhuh, perfect." He lifted the GameGuy over his head and pulled it apart effortlessly. _

Harold gasped in apparent fear and awe, earning an odd look from Leshawna. "You really think that's evil? That's mean, sure, but not evil." She said.

"No, I'm gasping because GameGuy's are near impossible to break, gosh." Harold said. "There are videos all over the internet of people running them over with bikes and they work fine afterwards. They're built to last, so breaking one in half is a near superhuman feat."

"Oh come on, stringbean, a bike with you on it wouldn't crush a fly." Leshawna smirked.

"He's not kidding." Cody added. "My GameGuy got run over by a smart-car and it was fine afterwards."

"Smart-car's are tiny." Leshawna countered, clearly a bit impressed.

_Mike gasped and his hair flipped upwards, revealing the concealed eye. "What the-" He looked at the broken GameGuy in his hands. "How did I- Oh no!" He looked around and stuffed the GameGuy back into Sam's bag. _

_The camera switched to the next day, at breakfast. The heroes were at the table, all eating. Cameron holding an egg in his hands. "Ah, I've never seen eggs so perfectly hardboiled! The odds are ten trillion to one!" _

"I'm not going to contest the math on that, it's not worth it." Noah sighed.

_"Maple. Bacon? Let's never lose again!" Mike yelled, clutching said bacon in his hands._

_"It's not all perfect." Courtney said, annoyed. "Hey, butler?" She called, the butler coming immediately. "I've got a problem." The camera panned over to Cameron putting the egg into his pocket. "This juice is about 5% too pulpy." _

"Wow, bitchy much?" Leshawna said. "We don't get our stinking orange juice handmade over here."

"Again, why am I not in this season instead?" Noah groaned. "I'm more of an All Star than Sam, anyway." He said, earning a glare from Dakota. "Hey, he would be here instead."

"Dakota does miss Sam..." Dakota sighed.

_Zoey and Mike shared conspiratorial glances and each took a couple pieces of bacon and stuffed it in their pockets. "I thought you were supposed to cater to our every wh-oh!" Courtney continued complaining, only for the butler to hand her a glass of orange juice. "That was fast." She glared at him suspiciously. "But I'm sure it won't be...perfect!" She took a sip of the orange juice, only to find it exactly what she asked for. _

"She's gotten a bit nicer since last season." Beth admitted. "She would have just kept complaining if this was a year ago."

_"Attention Campers, forest recon in five, over!" Chris announced over a loudspeaker. _

_The scene switched to the 13 campers walking along the forest, Alejandro still on his hands. "Listen, I'm sorry about what happened yesterday, you're right, teamwork is key." Heather stopped, talking to Gwen, shifting her eyes back._

"Yeah, I don't buy that for a second." Leshawna glared.

"Buy what?" Lindsay asked her, head tilted. "Do you need my credit card? Daddy said I wasn't supposed to give it to strangers, but you're my friend." She pulled out a credit card from her skirt.

"No, Lindsay, she meant like, Heather's lying." Tyler explained calmly to his girlfriend, something that was probably a daily occurrence.

"Oh, of course Hannah is lying!" Lindsay smiled.

"You know you're not fooling anyone if Lindsay sees through you." Noah smirked.

"Silly Noah, I don't have S-ray vision! That's Superguy!" Lindsay smiled, correcting Noah's 'error'.

"I-I meant... never mind." Noah sighed.

_"Apology accepted?" Heather put her hand out._

_"Wow, sure!" Gwen smiled, shaking Heather's hand._

"She can't have possibly bought that, can she?" Leshawna complained.

_**Confessional:**_

_"Teamwork?" Heather scoffed. "Ugh, don't make me barf!" She gagged. "I am still gonna take control."_

_The confessional ended, and Jo walked up to Gwen, smiling. "Ok, you were right, teamwork is the way."_

"I don't buy it." Brick said, annoyed.

"I'd think you would be the first to give her the benefit of the doubt, Brick." Trent said, confused.

"Oh no, I think she'll see that teamwork is better." Brick smiled. "I just don't buy that she's admitting she was wrong."

_"Truce?" Jo brought up a fist. _

_"Uh, sure..." Gwen said, fist-bumping Jo, confused._

_**Confessionals:**_

_"And getting Gwen on my side is the best way to do it," Jo said, smugly._

_"After all, where Gwen goes," Heather added._

_"Duncan follows." Jo finished, smiling._

_"I know they're both trying to play me." Gwen said, annoyed. "And I love it!" She pumped her fist in the air. "For once, I've got a little power around here! Whoohoo, go team Gwen!"_

"Team Gwen!" Cody grinned.

"Looks like Gothy's getting strategic." Eva smiled. "Finally."

_The scene cut to Courtney walking behind Gwen and Duncan. "Ugh, Courtney's glaring at me, again!" Gwen growled. "Can't you make her stop?" She asked Duncan._

_"Love to, but right now I'm blanking her like she's blanking me, so no can do!" Duncan shrugged. "But let me know if you catch her looking my way."_

"Dude, Duncan's acting like a chick!" Geoff giggled.

"Sha-yeah, that idiot should be here instead of me!" Lightning laughed, earning a glare from Eva, somehow having figured out he could just rip off the duct tape.

"I thought I told you to cram it!" Eva growled.

"No stupid tape holds the Lightning back!" Lightning posed. "I'll get you back, Evan!"

"EVA. IT'S. EVA. E-V-A!" Eva screeched.

"Save all tussles for after the show, please." Noah sighed.

_"Ugh..." Gwen sighed as Courtney passed her, Alejandro stopping._

_"If you were my girlfriend, I wouldn't let anyone gaze at you, lest they spoil your ethereal beauty!" Alejandro smirked. "Just something to consider." He walked off._

"Wow, he's really laying it on thick there." Trent cringed.

_**Confessional:**_

_"Heather and Jo are trying to lure Gwen into an alliance." He put up fingers representing Heather and Jo, and intertwined them. "And I intend to beat them to it!" He pounded his fist. "Then I'll be the one that Heather needs, hehe!" He looked at the camera. "Uh, um, and Jo. Heather and Jo!" He said nervously, hands together._

"Awww, Alberto still likes Helen!" Lindsay swooned.

"Real smooth there, Al." Noah smirked.

_"At ease soldier!" Chris grinned and saluted, wearing a military helmet. "Let's all welcome back exiled hamster, Sam!" He waved over to Chef, who was driving back from the island, with Sam, who looked beat up, with a bruised eye and scratched body._

"Sam!" Dakota screamed, terrified. "Sam hurt!"

"Ok, ok, I kind of agree with her, that's just sad." Bridgette cringed.

_"Hey Sam..." Zoey said, worried. "How was exile?"_

_"Aside from the blinding hunger and bear attacks, pretty good actually!" Sam wobbled back and forth, before falling over._

"Poor Sam..." Bridgette sighed.

"Dakota give Sam big hug when see him!" Dakota said.

"Well, there goes Sam's bones." Noah sighed.

_"Ugh..." He sighed._

_"Don't worry buddy, we smuggled you breakfast!" Mike and the other heroes rushed to Sam's side, each of them handing him something from their breakfast._

"So that's why they put the food in their pockets..." Geoff said.

_"You bots are expert level awesome!" Sam smiled, eating the bacon. "Mmm, maple bacon power pellets."_

"Does he always talk like that?" Lindsay asked.

"Sam talk funny when tired." Dakota shrugged.

_"Courtney, what did you bring Sam?" Sierra turned to the CIT, who looked back awkwardly._

_**Confessional:**_

_"No one told me we were doing that!" Courtney threw up her arms in defense._

_Back in the forest, Chris was addressing the contestants. "Welcome to today's experiment with your pain thresholds." He clapped his hands as a TV wheeled up behind him, the contestants cringing. "Get ready for an ingenious twist on the war movie challenge from season two."_

"Isn't that the one where Chris tried to ask Chef if he wanted to rent a hotel room?" Noah asked.

"No, that was the prison flick..." Cody said, but then he blinked. "AGH I DID NOT NEED TO THINK ABOUT THAT!"

_"There are two weapon caches in the heart of this forest. The big one is filled with state of the art paintball weaponry, and the little one has a bunch of cruddy old paintball slingshots." The villains looked incredibly pleased with this development. "Whoever gets there first gets their pick, and then you've gotta pick off the competition." Zoey and Mike cringed. _

_"Looking forward to it." Courtney scowled at Gwen._

_"You get one point for each opponent you splatter, first team to six points wins, and one of the losers will get a dishonorable discharge tonight, flush o' shame style." Chris explained gleefully._

"I think the villains have this one in the bag." Eva grinned. "Duncan knows how to use a slingshot and a paintball gun, so either way, he wins."

"And Jo's really good with heavy artillery." Brick grinned. "Not good at aiming, though."

"Do I even want to know how you know that?" Noah asked.

"Shut up." Brick snapped.

_"Huh, paintball again? Ooh, original!" Duncan waved his hands mockingly. "What a twist."_

_"Oh yeah, that..." Chris said, looking sad. "One of the conditions of my parole is I can't use or be around hard projectiles like paintballs." Chef walked up behind him. "Sooo, instead, you'll be using leeches!" Chef displayed said projectile, which wiggled back and forth, all of the contestants exclaiming in disgust._

"Ok, the parole officers should have seen that coming." Trent said.

"Only Chris would substitute leeches for paintballs." Noah sighed. "You know, I'm back to being glad I'm not competing."

_**Confessional:**_

_"Leeches?" Heather put her hands up. "Chris is really making us earn the million this year, jerk." She folded her arms._

_"As winners of yesterdays challenge, the heroes get a full 1 minute headstart." Chris announced, the heroes grinning and whooping._

_"Ready," Chris said as Chef raised his pistol, "Set," Chef fired it, and the leech landed directly on Scott's face, Scott exclaiming in pain. "Go!" The heroes set off._

_"You know who could outrace the hamsters, even with a headstart?" Heather walked up to Jo. "Lightning!"_

"That's right, I'm awesome!" Lightning kissed his biceps.

"No you're not, short-pants, and stop the bicep lovin'." Eva growled, Lightning blushing.

_"Way to ruin everything, Jo!" Heather complained._

"I'm pretty sure you voted for him too!" Brick groaned, annoyed.

_"We all voted him off, remember?" Jo threw up her hands in anger._

_"We may not need to worry." Alejandro smiled, as the camera cut to Sam huffing, tired._

_"We gotcha buddy!" Mike and Sierra ran back and helped Sam up._

_"Ah, now that's teamwork." Gwen sighed happily._

_"Yeah, work together now, crush each other later." Heather grinned, clenching her fists. "Like you and Courtney!"_

_Gwen gasped. "What?"_

_"The allergy bouquet, the stink bomb, I love how you insist you want to be friends so she never sees it coming." Heather listed off the alleged crimes, smiling._

"Ok, even if Gwen was seriously doing that, " Trent began.

"Which she isn't!" Cody added, Trent coughing in annoyance.

"Anyway, even if those things were intentional, Courtney's so paranoid she'd think anything from Gwen was a threat." Trent finished, glaring at Cody.

_"Uh..." Gwen began, but was interrupted._

_"Talk about evil genius!" Heather whispered conspiratorially._

_"But I really didn't do those things on purpose, really!" Gwen insisted._

_"Sure..." Heather nudged Gwen, winking. The camera switched to the TV, which displayed 4 seconds left and counting on the heroes headstart._

_"Villains, you're up in 3, 2, 1!" Chris grinned, Chef cocking the pistol. Scott was pulling on the leech to get it off of him, before the shot from Chef's pistol sent another onto him. Chris and Chef giggled, high-fiving, the villains running off._

_"Move it, hustle!" Courtney screeched back at Mike and Sierra, who were still carrying Sam over their shoulders. "Or so help me, you'll never see another sunrise!"_

"Damn, Courtney." Leshawna frowned. "He's injured, and they're helping him."

_**Confessional:**_

_"Courtney is kind of scary sometimes..." Mike said, frightened, before gasping and convulsing, his hair falling over his eye. "And I love when things get scary." Mike? said, voice demonic and reverberating, he laughed until Mike? convulsed again, returning to normal. "So uh, what was I saying?"_

"Oh my gosh, Sadie, his voice is so scary!" Katie shrieked.

"Oh my gosh, I know!" Sadie agreed. "But it's kind of hot, you know?"

"I don't know, I'm more scared than anything else." DJ said, shivering. "How do you make your voice do that?"

_"Does anyone know where the heart of the forest is, exactly?" Sierra asked, huffing as she carried Sam._

_"I'll go get a better look!" Zoey smiled, leaping up into the trees and jumping back and forth to the top, all of the contestants gaping in awe._

"Wow, Zoey's still got it!" Eva gaped.

"Commando Zoey returns!" Brick grinned.

_**Confessional:**_

_"Zoey has some seriously impressive skills..." Courtney said in apparent admiration. "And that is why she's got to go._

"Almost an actual compliment." Noah said. "So close."

_"Over there!" Zoey pointed offscreen, jumping down from her branch and running with them._

_"Ok, they're heading left." Gwen and the rest of the villains skidded to a stop, Gwen talking to them. "If we take another path, maybe we can cut them off!"_

_"Great idea!" Heather said, clearly not meaning it. Jo glared at her, presumably because she was about to say the same thing._

_"Go vultures!" Alejandro yelled as they ran off, Jo adding an additional 'Yes we can!'_

_"Need Dakota..." Sam sighed. "She can carry me around like a GameGuy!"_

"Me help Sam if me was there!" Dakota replied to the TV. "Carry Sam to win!"

_"That makes sense since..." Cameron stopped, smiling._

_"You are a real life game guy!" Sierra and Cameron spoke at the same time, Sierra letting go of Sam to raise her arms, Mike and Sam collapsing on the ground._

_**Confessional:**_

_"Sierra and I have a lot in common, we're both super smart, and we can both be a teensy bit socially oblivious sometimes." Cameron smiled blissfully, before a heavy knocking on the door interrupted him._

_"Cameron, what are you doing in there?" Sierra asked, scared._

_"Like I said." Cameron added._

"I think Cameron likes Sierra..." Geoff laughed.

"Good for him!" Cody grinned. "Anyone but me!"

"Oh my gosh, Katie, those two would be so-oo cute together!" Sadie grinned

"But he's so tiny, and she's so tall, how would they kiss?" Katie asked.

_The camera cut to the forest's 'heart', where they found the crates. "The big one, go for the big one!" Courtney shrieked, before Duncan jumped from off frame to defend it, followed by the rest of the villains._

_"Woah, where'd they come from?" Mike asked._

_"Haha, suckers!" Duncan yelled as Heather blew a raspberry._

"Didn't see that coming..." DJ said, shocked.

_"The small one, go for the small one!" Courtney amended, rushing to the other crate_

"I think that was unnecessary." Noah said.

_Courtney opened the crate and pulled out a metal pail full of leeches, some crawling out of the pail. "Gross..." She said, disgusted._

_"Guess this is the low tech crate alright..." Mike sighed, holding a slingshot._

_"Aww, cute!" Sierra pulled out another pail of leeches, cooing. "I think I'll call you... Cody!" She rubbed her face up against the bucket, Mike and Cameron sharing concerned glances._

"Ok, officially creeped out now." Noah said, shrinking back

"Seriously?" Cody shrieked. "Do I look like a bucket of leeches?"

"In a certain light, yes!" Izzy grinned.

"Not really, no." Owen corrected his girlfriend.

_The villains cheered, before Jo turned to them."Who needs Lightning, am I right, people, eh?" The rest of the team rolled their eyes._

"Hey, I was a valuable team sha-player! Not my fault the stupid statue miscounted." Lightning protested.

"Jo really doesn't like you, does she?" Eva said, smirking.

"Secretly she feels very insecure in her femininity, and being mistaken for a boy only solidified her fears." Dawn said offhandedly.

"But Jo's really pretty!" Brick said, blushing.

"You really aren't good with hiding crushes, are you, honey." Leshawna grinned.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Brick shouted, face even brighter.

_Duncan punched the crate, and it opened to reveal a rack of paintball weaponry and a cannon. "I'll take the cannon!" Everyone shouted._

"Ok, so Chris can't be around hard projectiles, but he can order a cannon?" Noah asked.

_"No, I'll take the cannon!" Everyone yelled again, this time at each other. "Ugh!"_

_"We use it as a team, right Gwen?" Alejandro offered, looking at Gwen. _

_"Uh..." Gwen began._

_"Yeah, obviously." Heather cut her off._

_"That's what I was going to say!" Jo added. "Whoo, go team!" The camera switching to Duncan's shocked expression._

"Gang up on Gwen, much?" Geoff laughed. "Dude, they're all really bad at this."

_**Confessional:**_

_"So Heather, Jo, and Alejandro are making a play for Gwen." Duncan explained. "Why isn't anyone trying to work me?" He looked hurt._

"He can't stand not being the center of attention, can he?" Bridgette said.

_"Probably because I can't be manipulated." Duncan folded his arms. "But they could at least try!"_

_"You guys are right!" Gwen said to the others, smiling. "We need to stop attacking each other and start attacking the other guys." She grinned, throwing up her arm. "FIRE THE CANNON!" She yelled, Scott pulling the string on the cannon, sending a ball of leeches into a nearby intern, who fell over, toppling the boom mike he was operating._

_**Confessional:**_

_"Hehehe, whoops..." Gwen laughed nervously. "Being in charge is harder than it looks..."_

_Gwen's clip was paused as the camera panned out to reveal Chris's clip area. "Tell me about it." Chris grinned. "The villains are off to quite a start, but, which team will make it to the finish? Find out when we come back on Total Drama All Stars!" Chris announced._

"Ten bucks says the villains win." Trent tossed down a ten dollar bill.

"Who would be stupid enough to bet against you?" Noah said. "The villains have the heavy artillery!"

"Ooh, ooh, I want to vote on the heroes!" Lindsay squealed, throwing down a twenty by accident.

"I stand corrected." Noah sighed.

_After the commercial break, the camera switched to the heroes walking in the forest, Sam still being carried by Mike and Sierra. "Of course the villains get machine gun shooters, we'll never beat them with these puny slingshots!" Courtney complained, holding up her slingshot._

_"Sure we can," Cameron began._

_"If we're stealthy and score first!" He and Sierra both said, Sierra dropping Sam again to high five him._

_"Ugh, nerd love." Courtney deadpanned. "If you kiss in front of me, I will throw up."_

"Even Courtney sees it!" Geoff laughed.

_"Oh, don't worry, we're just friends, right Sierra?" Cameron laughed awkwardly, turning to Sierra._

_"Huh?" Sierra blinked, the camera cutting to Cameron, who looked at her, until the background faded away to reveal she was looking at Cody in Cameron's clothes._

"Ok, ewewewewewwwww!" Cody said, curling up into the fetal position. "It's like every nightmare I've ever had, in Sierra-vision!"

_"Sierra?" Cameron/Cody said, confused. "Is something wrong?"_

"Yes, something is very, very wrong!" Cody added.

_Sierra shook her head vigorously and looked again. "Uh, nope, nothing's wrong, Co-Cameron, all good!" She corrected herself, laughing nervously._

"Just so we're clear, when I joked about Cody-vision, I was JOKING." Noah turned to Cody.

_"A cave!" Zoey pointed at the apparently abandoned yeti cave. "Sam can rest in there while the rest of us take on the villains!"_

_The camera cut to them setting Sam down inside the cave. "Power levels... low..." He moaned._

_"Should someone stay to guard him?" Mike asked the rest of them._

_"I'll do it!" Courtney offered. "I owe him for not bringing him some breakfast!"_

"Not buying it." Nearly half the playa's spoke in unison.

"Like she cares." Noah said, annoyed.

"And you would?" Eva asked.

"My little buddy would never abandon an injured dude!" Owen patted Noah on the back. "Even when we were facing off against Jack the Ripper, we went back to save Tyler!"

"Thanks for leaving me on the rack, by the way." Tyler looked uncharacteristically annoyed.

"I've been telling you, if you hadn't been all 'sweaty yoga monk' on us, you could have just asked to be untied!" Noah said, exasperated.

"And I'm telling you, I was way too into character!" Tyler yelled back.

"I have no idea what's going on, but I'm siding with my boyfriend." Lindsay pecked Tyler on the cheek.

"Apology accepted, bro..." Tyler was lost in Lindsay's eyes and seemed to have forgotten the argument.

_**Confessionals:**_

_"I knew Courtney had a heart buried in there somewhere." Zoey smiled._

_"This is what the smart leaders do, hang back and let the foot soldiers take the leeches to the face." Courtney smirked._

"Yep, still Courtney." Beth frowned. "You would think she'd learn... Guess not."

_"We have to find the villains before they find us!" Zoey explained to the others as they left the cave._

_"Stealthy forest maneuvers?" Mike laughed. "This sounds like a job for Svetlana!" He took a deep breath._

_"Oh goodie!" Sierra clapped."She's my favorite."_

_Mike continued holding his breath for a couple seconds. "Svetlana, is that you?" Cameron asked._

_"Ugh..." Mike let go of his breath. "Nah, still me..."_

"Oh, that can't be good." DJ whimpered.

_**Confessional:**_

_"Ok, wasn't too long ago, I couldn't keep my alternate personalities in." Mike looked panicked, making hand motions. "Now, they won't come out!" He looked terrified, before getting a determined look on his face and bashing his arm into the confessional wall. "Ow... Danged wall, am I right, Chester?" He looked down at himself._

"Is everyone crazy this season?" Noah asked.

"I dunno, I think it's kind of sad, not crazy." Trent said.

"Mike fears being alone." Dawn explained without any provocation. "He hasn't been without his personalities for over seven years, he can't handle being alone in his head."

"So he can't live with them, and he can't live without them." Noah mused. "That must suck."

_Mike suddenly ripped his shirt off, exposing his bare chest. "Yo, Vito, my shirt's off!" He called out. "Come and get it!"_

"Where's my man?" Anne Maria gasped.

"Oh my gosh, Sadie, look at his abs!" Katie squealed.

"I know! He should take off his shirt more often!" Sadie grinned.

"Hey, back off the Vito, he's mine!" Anne Maria pulled a can of hairspray out of her hair, brandishing it threateningly.

_"Vito?" Mike looked around, before curling up into the fetal position, shivering wildly. "Anybody?"_

_Over by the Villainous Vultures, Scott, Duncan, Gwen and Jo were all pushing the cannon. Gwen stopped pushing. "We're easy targets like this, maybe we should ditch the cannon."_

_"No way, I haven't got a turn to fire it yet!" Jo patted the cannon, before hugging it gently. "Isn't that right, sweetheart?"_

"Bet'cha Brick wants to be that cannon!" Izzy grinned, hanging upside down from the rafters.

"No I don't!" Brick retorted.

_"Ok..." Gwen said, confused. "Then we should split up." She offered._

_"Agreed, I'll go with Gwen." Alejandro pointed to himself._

_"No, I'll go with Gwen." Heather disagreed._

_"As if I'm letting any of you go anywhere with Gwen." Jo joined the argument._

"Let Gwen decide, you morons! You're sitting ducks!" Eva groaned.

_"Please, attempt to be reasonable." Alejandro said, before all three launched into an argument, ignoring the leech headed straight at them. It hit Alejandro straight in the butt. "Ahh! I'm hit!" He shrieked, collapsing._

"Why is no one noticing he feels pain below the waist?" Noah asked. "If he was really numb, he wouldn't have felt that!"

_"Sorry!" Zoey waved apologetically. "But not totally." She ran off as the villains attempted to fire back, missing her entirely._

_Jo ran back to the cannon as everybody continued to open fire, launching a cannonball of leeches. The leeches however, hit Scott, who screamed and collapsed."Oh come on!"_

_"That's two points for the heroes and zilch for the villains!" Chris announced over the intercom, much to the ire of the villains._

"How are they losing? They have cannons!" Eva growled.

"I think that is the problem." Noah smirked.

_"But Zoey only hit Alejandro!" Duncan protested._

_"True, but friendly fire counts." Chris replied, all of the villains turning in anger to Jo._

_"What?" Jo yelled back. "Dirtboy got in the way!"_

_"You can take your excuses and stick them in your-ugh!" Heather began, but was cut off by another leech to the face, Mike sheepishly waving before running off. "In my hair!" She shrieked, tugging on the leech. "What is wrong with you?_

_"Heheh, make that three to zero." Chris laughed over the intercom._

"Well, I guess I'm gonna lose that ten bucks..." Trent sighed.

_"C'mon!" Gwen urged, running off, Duncan following._

_"Avenge me!" Heather yelled as they ran off._

_"I'll take care of Zoey." Jo said, taking Scott's machine gun from him, as he was unconscious._

_"Just pretend Mike is Courtney and you'll clobber him in no time!" Duncan assured his girlfriend._

_"Wait, do you think I've been attacking Courtney on purpose too?" Gwen turned and looked at him._

_"Pretty much, yeah." Duncan shrugged._

_"You really think I could be that vengeful?" Gwen put her hand on her chest. "You don't know me at all!"_

"Dump him and go out with me!" Cody yelled.

"Yeah, that won't happen." Eva smirked.

"It totally could!" Cody insisted.

_"Aha!" Sierra popped up behind them and attempted to launch a leech at them, but unfortunately, the leech landed on her. "It feels just like Cody's kiss!" She keeled over._

"She's never been kissed by me!" Cody insisted. "She's kissed me, sure, but I have never kissed back."

"She keeps comparing you to leeches. That's not a good sign for your relationship." Noah smirked.

_**Confessional:**_

_Gwen made hideous barfing noises._

"She ran all the way to the confessional to say that. Wow." Noah gaped.

_"The villains luck into a point!" Chris announced over the loudspeakers. "But the heroes still lead by three!" Duncan looked behind him to see Cameron preparing a leech._

_"Angle 47 degrees, allowing for minimal wind resistance..." Cameron muttered, releasing the leech, which ricocheted off several surfaces, including a squirrels head, before heading straight for Gwen._

_"Noooo!" Duncan leapt in slow motion to take the leech for Gwen, which hit him in the butt. "Ahh!" He screamed_

_"Duncan!" Gwen said, worried._

"Wow, he put his literal ass on the line for her." Leshawna said, smiling.

"Which I would do in a heartbeat for you, my fair Legoddess." Harold swooned, smiling blissfully and bowing.

"I know you would, sugar baby." Leshawna giggled.

"Keep the loving to yourself!" Eva growled. "Some of us want to watch!"

"Besides, nothing competes with the Lightningrods!" Lightning flexed his arm muscles, only to have Eva punch him in the face. "Sha-owwww..." He moaned.

_"Great shot, Cody!" Sierra waved, having gotten up._

_"Uh..." Cameron looked concerned."Did you just say-" He began, before Gwen retaliated with machine gun fire, sending Cameron to the ground, face covered in leeches._

_"The villains score again, but the heroes still lead, four points to two!" Chris continued his running commentary._

_"Wow, I can't believe you just took a leech for me..." Gwen knelt down by her boyfriend, rubbing his shoulder._

_"Well, guess you don't know me that well either, huh?" Duncan smirked jokingly, before Gwen got shot in the back of her head with another leech._

_"Haha!" Mike smiled. "Sorry, couldn't resist taking a shot."_

"That didn't sound like Mike." Bridgette said.

"It wasn't Mike." Dawn frowned. "At least, not completely."

"Would you stop with the cryptic bullshit!?" Eva growled. "If you have something important to say, say it like a normal person!"

"I dare not tell the future." Dawn shrugged. "It is dangerous to inform you of your own fate."

"There you go again, look, stop with the prophecies and start with the zipping it!" Eva shrieked.

_The camera closed in on Jo, walking up to the cave where Sam and Courtney were hidden. "It's five to two heroes, one more point and the hamsters win!" Chris announced._

_"Pathetic." Jo muttered angrily._

_**Confessional:**_

_"Some team, I'm stronger than Old Heather, Ale-handwalker, Count Gwen-ula, Stunkan, and Sharkbait combined!" Jo counted off on her hands the 'names' of her teammates._

"Rapid fire insult much?" Noah said.

_"Maybe it wasn't the best idea to dump Lightning so fast..." Jo speculated._

"Ha, told you the Lightning was right-ning!" Lightning grinned.

_A small screen fell down from the ceiling with a clip of Lightning playing. "I told you you'd regret it!" The clip of the arrogant jock smirked. "Ha, I win, sha-whoo!" He raised his hands in celebration as Jo grabbed the monitor angrily._

_"What the-" She began._

_"Hehehahahuh..." Chris laughed. "He left a prerecorded message, just in case!" Chris giggled, Jo ripping the monitor from its cord, groaning._

"Wow, short-pants, that was pretty smart..." Eva looked shocked.

"What?" Lightning looked up from his bicep kissing in surprise. "Sha-thanks, dude!" He grinned. "Pops gave me the idea, so I could sha-humiliate the enemy!"

_"Smells like sweat and bacon..." Jo walked into the cave, looking around suspiciously. "Sam!" She grinned maliciously, the camera centered behind a rock with Courtney._

_"Ew, ew ew ew ew!" Courtney picked a leech out of the bucket to launch it, hitting right in front of Jo's head._

_"Time to start evening the odds!" Jo began assaulting Courtney with a barrage of leeches, Courtney ducking behind the rocks._

"Go Jo!" Brick grinned, but faltered when everyone looked at him funny. "It's not like she doesn't deserve it... She's not a team player!" He said defensively.

_Courtney screamed, running over to Sam, she grabbed him by the collar and used him as a shield to defend herself, the leeches all hitting Sam. "Five points to three, it aint over yet!" Chris announced._

"See, not a team player!" Brick said, pointing.

"Ooh, that's gotta hurt." Geoff cringed.

"ME KILL COURTNEY!" Dakota yelled, shaking the ceiling slightly. "DAKOTA CRUSH HER LIKE BUG!"

"Ok, ok, calm down!" Trent said, cringing as Dakota glared at him. "I mean, sure, she deserves it, but Sam wouldn't want you to hurt her." He offered.

" Me still kill Courtney." Dakota said, seemingly calmed down, but not placated.

"I can't argue with a ten foot tall mutant, especially since she has a point." Noah said, slightly terrified.

_"Let's make it five to four." Jo pulled the machine gun from its holster, the camera deliberately showing Zoey had snuck up behind them. Zoey pulled back her slingshot, attracting the attention of Jo, who ducked as the leech flew by. "Nice try, apology breath." She said, pulling the trigger. "Ugh, it's jammed!"_

_"Nice try, mean nickname-giver...!" Zoey attempted to retort wittily, but failed._

"She's too nice for nickname giving." Bridgette smiled.

_Jo suddenly grabbed the leech barrel and tossed it at Zoey, which opened up, sending the leeches flying in slow motion out at Zoey. Zoey ducked and picked a leech straight out of the air, and sent it flying back at Jo, hitting her in the face. "Not sorry!" Zoey grinned._

_"This just in, with a final score of six points to three, the heroes win!" Chris called out over the loudspeakers. "Although some of them didn't behave all that heroically...Courtney." Zoey looked back at Courtney, who was still hiding behind Sam._

_"My survival instinct kicked in!" Courtney defended herself, when Zoey and Jo both looked at her funny, she dropped Sam to put her hands up in defense."Anyone would have done the same."_

"Now I know who not to rely on in future seasons." Trent said, glaring slightly. "Here's your ten dollars, Lindsay." He forked over said dollar bill.

"Ooh, yay me!" Lindsay clapped happily.

_"Ugh..." Sam groaned. "Yay, we won!" He put his hand up in a cheer, before coughing up a leech._

"Five bucks says Jo goes home!" Trent shouted.

"You're on!" Brick put down a five dollar bill.

"You realize it's unlikely anyone else will go home, seeing as she did cost their team the win, right?" Noah said.

"I know what I'm doing!" Brick said.

_"Welcome back, Villainous Vultures." Chris announced, everyone gathered around the campfire for the elimination. "Second elimination in a row, heheh, way to lose." He laughed. "Now, get ready to cut someone loose, it's votin' time."_

_The camera panned over to Zoey comforting Sam, who looked dejected."Don't worry Sam, no one's going to make you go back to Boney Island twice in a row." She looked at the others. "Right guys?"_

_"It's not that," Cameron explained. "While Sam was in exile, someone trashed his GameGuy!" Sam nodded and pulled out the GameGuy, which was hanging in two pieces._

"Someone..." Geoff coughed. "Mike!"

_"What?" Zoey exclaimed._

_"Who would do such a thing?" Sierra asked._

_"I know, right?" Mike laughed nervously, eyes wide and pupils shrunk."It's so totally unexplainable." He laughed nervously._

_**Confessional:**_

_"His GameGuy is really broken?" Mike asked, hands out. "I thought that was just a weird dream!" He sighed. "What's happening to me?"_

"You'd think a guy with MPD would be used to not remembering things." Trent shrugged.

_"Who do you think's going home?" Sierra leaned over to Cameron. "My money's on Jo."_

"So is mine." Trent said.

_"Unless she can convince them..." Cameron began._

_"To cut Heather!" Sierra joined in, both of them high-fiving. "Oh Cody, we really do think alike." Sierra grinned. _

_"Yeah, except I'm Cameron, not Cody." The camera switched to Sierra-vision, Cody's head on Cameron's body._

"Why me?" Cody whined.

_"Oh Cody, don't be silly." Sierra flipped her hand."Who wants a foot rub?" She grabbed his feet, Cameron screaming._

"This is getting a little rape-y..." Noah shivered. "What is wrong with her?"

"She has mild hallucinations and depends on Cody due to deep-seated hero worship problems." Dawn butted in. "She also has a family history of undiagnosed obsessive compulsive disorder."

"We really didn't need to know." Noah said, annoyed. "It was a rhetorical question."

"You don't have to hide your emotions behind a wall of sarcasm to be accepted, you know." Dawn completely ignored what he said, placing a hand on his chest.

_**Confessional:**_

_"I saw season three!" Cameron said. "I know what Cody went through with Sierra, and there is no way I'm being Cody number two."_

"No, no you don't!" Cody shivered. "There are things the camera didn't see..." Cody got a hollow stare in his eyes. "Horrible things."

"You mean the time she drugged you and spent the whole night kissing you and-" Izzy began, but Cody shushed her.

"Horrible. Things." He insisted.

_"She's nice and all, but I'm not always great with being touched." He explained, a fly landing on his hand, screaming. "AH! Get off me!" He waved his arms. "It's a problem, never said I was proud of it."_

_"The votes are in!" Chris announced, Chef nearby with a plate of marshmallows."But, before I announce our loser du jour, I need a hamster to volunteer for exile." He explained._

_"Ooh, me me me!" Cameron shouted from offscreen, earning exclamations of confusion (and in Sierra's case, fear)._

_"Don't you think someone else on your team might be more deserving of a night on Boney Island?" Chris asked, stretching the word 'deserving'."Courtney!" He coughed under his breath._

"I second the Courtney vote." Leshawna said. "Girl needs to get some pain in return for what she did."

"Me want Courtney get eaten by bear." Dakota nodded.

_"That's ok, I want to go." Cameron stood up._

_**Confessional:**_

_"Sierra probably just needs a little less Cam time." Cameron said weakly. "And I definitely need a little less Sierra time."_

"You and me both." Cody said.

"But you haven't seen her in days." Noah said, confused.

"And I want it to stay that way." Cody smiled.

_"Good luck, Cameron!" Zoey waved him goodbye as Chef walked him away._

_"He's so little... Maybe the animals won't notice he's there?..." Mike offered, clearly worried._

_"Alrighty then, onwards and flushwards" Chris smiled. "The following villains are safe, Gwen, Alejandro, Duncan, and Scott." He tossed the marshmallows to the said players._

"Ready to pay up?" Trent smirked.

"No, Heather could still go home..." Brick faltered.

_"Heather and Jo, you're on the edge." Chris said firmly. "Heather for being a pain in the keister and Jo for being a pain in the keister who also took out her own team-mate in today's challenge."_

_"He should have ducked!" Jo said, pointing at Scott._

_"And tonight's flushee is..." Chris announced, not taking his usual pause for dramatic effect. "Jo." He tossed the final marshmallow to Heather._

_"What!?" Jo screamed. "Are you all nuts?"_

"Aw, man..." Brick sighed, handing a five dollar bill to Trent.

_"But, before we get flushing, I wanna do a little re-shuffling." Chris walked up to the campfire. "Today, one villain acted more like a hero, and one hero acted more like a villain."_

"Ok, so Courtney's switching, obviously, but who's gonna be the new hero?" Noah said, scratching his head.

"I think it's Gwen." Trent said.

"But she didn't do anything heroic." Brick countered. "The only Villain who did something nice was-oh, I see." He stopped.

"See who?" Lindsay asked, looking around.

"Duncan." Brick said.

"But Jeanna is getting flushed..." Lindsay looked around.

_"So, pack your bags and switch your teams, Courtney and Duncan." Chris smiled, the teams exclaiming in surprise. _

_"I don't wanna be a villain!" Courtney whined._

"Don't use Sam as a human shield unless you're prepared to face the consequences, honey." Noah frowned.

_"And I don't want to be a lame-o hero!" Duncan agreed._

_"Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, just do it!" Chris yelled. _

_"Huh." Duncan sighed. "It was fun while it lasted." He turned to Gwen, kissing her, walking towards Courtney and meeting in the center. "'Least now you have to stop blanking me and admit I exist." He smirked._

_"Yeah, you exist." Courtney shot a poisonous glare at Duncan. "SO WHAT!?" She stomped her foot and screamed. _

_"Eh, I think I liked the blanking better." Duncan walked off and rubbed his head nervously._

_"Hey, welcome to the team-" Gwen got up to welcome Courtney, but accidentally kicked the leech bucket onto Courtney._

"I don't mean to be rude, but she had it coming." DJ admitted, shrugging.

_"Ah!" Courtney shrieked. "Ewww!" She pulled the leech bucket off to reveal her face covered with leeches. "Ah!" She screamed again._

_"I swear, I didn't see the pail!" Gwen said, scared._

_"Heheheh, pure evil!" Chris put his hands together._

"Exhibit A." Noah snarked.

_**Confessional:**_

_"Am I doing it on purpose?" Gwen asked, gripping her head. _

_The camera switched to the Flush of Shame, where Jo was in the bowl. "Any final words?" Chris asked._

_"Just flush it already." Jo growled, Chris obliging._

_"I will not miss her." Chris smiled. "Tune in next time for more sweet, sweet mayhem, right here on Total Drama All Stars!"_

"Ok, so Jo's gone..." Brick sighed.

"Chin up, buddy." Owen suddenly gave Brick a bear hug. "That means she'll be here!"

"I guess..." Brick sighed.

"Goddamnit!" Jo suddenly burst into the room, still slightly wet. "Stupid producers said I had to wait till you morons were done watching!" She kicked the door, denting the metal, before sitting down next to Brick.

"Hi-hi Jo!" Brick smiled warmly, only to have Jo growl at him.

"Not in the mood, G.I Joke!" She glared, huffing. "Goddamn stupid team."

"Wow, she's worse than me." Eva mumbled.

"I have ears you know!" Jo shouted, grabbing Eva by the stolen lightning bolt necklace. "I'm way worse than anything you could do!"

"You wanna go at it? Let's go at it!" Eva agreed, removing Jo's hand from her necklace and leapt at Jo.

"Uh, gals, let's not-" Brick began, before Jo gave him a snarl. "Never mind..."

"Aw man, why can't it be chicks fighting?" Lightning complained. "Sha-dude fights aren't hot at all."

"Wait a second, wait a second!" Jo pushed Eva off her neck. "Truce?" She offered her hand, pointing at Lightning.

"Truce." Eva grinned, grabbing Jo's hand. They turned to Lightning, who gulped.

"Sha-what?" Lightning asked, scared. "What did Lightning do?" He ran out the door.

"Oh no you don't" Jo chased after him, Eva following.

"Wait up, Jo!" Brick yelled, following right behind Eva.

"Ten bucks says Jo lands the last punch!" Trent grinned.

"I have five on Eva." Leshawna smirked, tossing down a five dollar bill.

AN; Yeah, sucks to be Lightning, don't it. Again, who will land the last punch? Will Brick get them to stop before Lightning's in the hospital? My money says no. Sorry for the extra Noco, I couldn't resist. Well, less Noco, and more implied, so feel free to ignore it. If you're wondering why everyone is (and will be) so scared of Mal, it's because while we know that no one will die and that Mal isn't real, in their world, Mal is a real psychopath who could end up murdering the entire cast.


	4. Food Fright

"We've got Movie Sign!" Cody's prerecorded message played as everyone walked into the room again, as if they had always been doing it. Well, they had for the last two seasons, but it felt like they had been doing it for their whole life.

"Jo, look, I'm sorry!" Brick was following behind Jo, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Cram it, Private Pantyhose, I'm not in the mood." Jo snapped at him. "Move it or lose it, Gap-tooth!" She yelled at Cody, who scrambled out of the way, Jo storming off to sit on a beanbag chair.

"Jeez, what pissed her off?" Cody mumbled to Brick, scared.

"She's still mad about being voted off." Brick whispered back. "She's been like this all day!"

"And you found this out how?" Noah added in, sitting on his normal seat.

"Uh, I mean, I..." Brick stuttered, blushing. "We walked by each other before breakfast and she was like this! I definitely haven't been hanging out with her all day!" He waved his hands frantically.

"Sure you weren't." Eva smirked at his flailing. "That's why I saw you two talking during lunch, right?"

"I-I...That's classified information, soldier." Brick said sharply.

"Hey walking lie detector!" Eva yelled over to Dawn, who looked up, frowning. "What does Brick really think?"

"I don't appreciate being called that." Dawn said calmly. "If Brick wishes to hide his true feelings inside, I won't stop him."

"Guys, look, can we stop fighting?" Bridgette jumped into the conversation. "The show's starting."

_"Last time, on a very special episode of Total Drama All Stars." Chris's voice narrated over a montage of the previous episode. "It was all about teamwork, or lack thereof." A clip of Courtney using Sam as a shield played. "Harsh, Courtney." He laughed. "Awesome, but harsh."_

"Courtney pay for hurting Sam!" Dakota waved her fist angrily.

"Well what else is Game-Junkie good for?" Jo snapped at the mutant, everyone backing away from the two in fear. "He's like a wall of meat!"

"Jo, you should take that back right now, seriously!" Brick waved his hands in fear, Dakota snarling.

"I can handle myself, Brick." Jo said to him angrily.

"Well Sam still in game and Jo stuck here!" Dakota growled.

"It's not my fault Scott was in the way!" Jo retorted, standing up.

"Guys, guys, calm down!" Trent nervously stepped between the two. "Can't we settle this like normal people?"

"Do you seriously think betting would solve this problem?" Brick said, confused.

"I was actually gonna suggest we sit down and talk about it." Trent sighed.

"I like the talking idea, let's go with that." Bridgette said, scared.

"Hell no!" Jo yelled at Bridgette. "I am not talking about my feelings!"

"Hey, no one yells at my Bridgey-Bear!" Geoff stepped in front of his girlfriend.

Jo ignored him and turned back to Dakota. "Twenty bucks says next time the hamsters get their ass handed to them, Sam gets kicked off!"

"Dakota bet Sam win next challenge!" Dakota threw down fifty dollars.

"Dakota, are you sure that betting that much is a good idea?" Bridgette asked.

"Dakota's daddy gives Dakota lots more money." Dakota shrugged.

"Ok, ok, now that that's over, can we get back to the show?" Noah asked, annoyed.

_"The challenge? An epic leechball battle brought out everyone's inner psycho." Chris said, clips of Zoey's slow motion save played, along with other similar scenes. "Especially Jo's, which is why she got flushed."_

"How was I supposed to know friendly fire counted?" Jo growled at the screen. "At least I hit someone! I was like the only person who hit anyone!"

_"But, it was an unexpected act of valor that inspired my brilliant switcheroo!" Chris said, Duncan's heroic dive shown onscreen. "Now Duncan's a hero, Courtney's a villain, and I'm a genius."_

"That is not even worth it." Leshawna glared.

_"Oh, it's gonna get naaasty!" Chris put his hands together, smirking. "Will the heroes crush the villains winning streak? Find out now on Total Drama All Stars!" He announced._

"Hey, Jo!" Eva suddenly moved seats to be closer to Jo, who looked marginally less angry at her interruption. "You were awesome during that fight we had with Lightning." She smiled. "I mean, seriously, that last punch you threw! Where'd you even learn that?" She slammed her fist into her palm.

"You only sha-caught me off guard!" Lightning blushed, shrinking back when Jo gave him a glare.

"I have two older brothers." Jo shrugged, smirking. "You either land the last punch or you get your ass handed to you."

"Wow, and I thought I had a screwed up family relationship." Noah gaped.

"What's your family like?" Cody asked, curious.

"Five older brothers and three older sisters." Noah shrugged.

"You're the youngest of nine?" Cody gaped.

"Yeah, it sucks more than you think. Why do you think I only have mismatched socks?" Noah pointed at his shoes, which indeed had one sock shorter than the other. "We only have like two complete pairs."

"So can we get back to the show and stop with the family stories?" Eva said bluntly. "You talk way too much."

"Sorry, I can't help it if everyone keeps handing me jokes." Noah shrugged.

_The camera opened up on a view of the stormy skies above Wawahnakwa, focusing in on the villains cabins, Scott and Alejandro sleeping peacefully until a loud crash woke them up. "Wah?" Scott looked up to see a shadowy face in the door, both him and Alejandro screaming. The figure revealed itself to be Chef, carrying a large sack over his shoulders. He tossed it into the room, exploding into a cloud of dust._

_**Confessional:**_

_"Mmmhmm, I grew up on powdered gruel." Scott smiled blissfully, face and top half covered in the powder. "Rich people food has nothing on this stuff. It's the sawdust that makes it so tasty." He stuck his finger in his mouth._

"I think we can all agree, everyone grew up better than Scott... Boy's messed up." Leshawna cringed.

"Most of us." Dawn corrected.

"Who could possibly have a worse home life than him?" Jo asked, annoyed. "I don't think they showed you guys the clip, but he was shocked that the steaks the hotel served had actual cow in them!"

"I don't think telling you would be fair to Mi-" Dawn began, cutting herself off, but not before she got odd looks.

_"Disgusting! I bet the girls are not treated this cruelly." Alejandro grumbled, before a loud poof was heard, indicating another sack full of gruel had been dropped, Courtney's scream rang out. "I stand corrected." He smirked._

_**Confessional:**_

_Courtney was covered in gruel like the rest of the villains, a solid lump on her head, glaring. "I wish Chef would pass on the whole 'bed and breakfast' thing and let us starve instead!" She air-quoted 'bed and breakfast'. "It would be more humane."_

"I don't know, gruel is totally an improvement over the moving stuff they gave us in season one, gosh." Harold shrugged.

_The confessional ended, Courtney walking out of the cloud of powdered gruel and opened the door to find Scott standing there with a bucket full of gruel. "You gonna finish your gruel?" He smiled._

_"What? No, gross!" Courtney motioned behind her. "Help yourself."_

_Scott suddenly grabbed part of the hardened gruel off of Courtney's head and ate it. "You clean up real nice." He commented, leaving Courtney standing there shocked._

"Dude, is he hitting on Courtney?" Trent gaped.

"That's barking up the wrong tree." Noah said. "I'm pretty sure Courtney's at least half shark."

"Ooh, my uncle is half shark!" Izzy swung down from her permanent seating place in the rafters. "Or did he have his bottom half eaten by a shark... I can't remember..." She mused.

_**Confessional:**_

_"Hmm..." Courtney mused. "Smelly, pit-stainy..." She listed off. "But I definitely need an ally now that I'm stuck on team villain, so...Hmmm..." She sighed._

_The camera switched over to the hotel, cutting inside to a dark room, Sam's chuckling could be heard. Duncan walked into the room, yawning and stretching, Sierra giggling and shushing the others. "Surprise!" Everyone shouted as the room lit up, revealing a huge party had been set up, complete with confetti and a cake held by the butler. "Welcome to the hero team, Duncan!" They continued, Duncan frozen in shock, Zoey snapping a party hat on his head and stuck a party blower in his mouth, causing him to blow it out._

"Wow, they really want to welcome him, don't they." Geoff said. "Dude, that rocks!"

_**Confessional:**_

_"Ugh, to all my peeps back home and at juvie, I am not a hero!" Duncan groaned, still wearing the party hat."It must be a trap to gain my trust and then bam!" He punched his hand with his fist. "They vote me off." He pointed behind him. "Fat chance of that, but I can't let them know that I know, so yeah, I ate the cake!" He said defensively. "It was like eating the happiest day of my life!" Duncan sniffled._

"The heroes have no ill will towards Duncan in their auras... Well, most of their auras." Dawn smiled, then frowned.

_"Duncan, on team hero! The fans will lose it!" Sierra grinned. "I have to get a photo for my blog!" She ran off._

"That's odd..." Cody pulled out his phone. "Her tweeter account hasn't updated in hours!"

"And you follow her because?" Noah smirked.

"I only follow her so I can flag her posts of my private property." Cody said defensively. "Something's seriously wrong."

"Maybe she just hasn't got the chance to get on tweeter?" Bridgette smiled.

"I don't know, it does seem out of character for her to not post anything. Girl's addicted to the web." Leshawna put her hand on her hips in thought.

_"Let's sing the welcome song!" Sam grinned._

_"How 'bout let's not do that." Duncan looked extremely annoyed. Suddenly, Sierra screamed off camera, causing him to turn around._

_"My social media machine!" Sierra ran back to them, shoving her broken cell-phone in Duncan's face. "It's in pieces!" She shrieked. "Oh, hello, hello, hello?" She began furiously tapping the keys, causing the outer shell to flake off, the camera cut to Mike looked confused at this revelation._

"Well, I guess that explains it." Noah shrugged. "Mike broke another toy."

_**Confessional:**_

_"Did I break her phone?" Mike asked the camera._

"Why would Pointy break her phone?" Jo asked.

"You weren't here, but we think Mike has a new personality that Dawn's terrified of." Trent explained

"Terrified of Twig-legs over there?" Jo laughed. "He couldn't seriously injure a fly!"

_The camera switched to what was apparently earlier in the night, Sierra sleeping on the foot of her bed with a pillow that had Cody's face drawn on it. Lightning flashed and Mike? suddenly appeared by Sierra's bedside, grabbing her phone and crushing it with his bare hand, giving an evil smirk._

"Woah, how did he crush that phone so easily?" Cody gaped.

"Sha-Lightning could do it in his sleep!" Lightning smirked. "Didn't know Mike could, though."

_**Confessional:**_

_Mike suddenly gasped and his hair fell down over his eyes. "Huhuhuhuhuh, huh." He laughed manically, rubbing his hands together._

"Mark looks scary..." Lindsay recoiled in fear.

"Don't worry, Linds, I'll protect you." Tyler smiled, wrapping his hands around her waist.

"Thanks, Tyler!" Lindsay grinned.

_"It's ok, Sierra..." Mike attempted to console Sierra, who looked like she was on the verge of tears._

_"It's not ok!" She cried. "It's no-kay!" She threw up her hands. "It had my top five-hundred Cody pics on it!"_

_"Just picture them in your mind then!" Sam smiled, pointing to his head._

_Sierra looked down at her phone, lip trembling, then looked up at the others, the camera getting a pink tint and hearts as Sierra imagined them all with Cody's head."Ok Codies!" She said, eyes glimmering, as everyone shared concerned looks._

"AH!" Cody shrieked, backing up. "Do not want, do NOT want!"

"When she gets voted off, we should probably get her checked for rabies." Noah agreed, cringing.

_**Confessionals:**_

_"Man I miss my villainous babe." Duncan sighed. "I bet she's having a blast."_

_As if in response, the next confessional was Gwen sitting in the fetal position in the confessional. "This is the worst." She looked at the camera. "I only came back to Total Drama to make things better with Courtney!" Her voice broke as she sounded as if she was about to cry. "But now she hates me more than ever!" She put her head between her legs._

"Gwen!" Cody yelled at the TV, hand outstretched.

"Girl needs a hug." Leshawna said sadly.

_The camera cut to right outside the confessional, where Courtney was listening in, Gwen's sobbing could be heard even from the camera's perspective. _

_**Confessional:**_

_"She came back for me?" Courtney asked, hands near her chest. "Yeah right, she probably knew I'd overhear, but-but how?" She said._

"She really doesn't want to believe she's wrong, doesn't she?" Beth frowned. "Gwen is crying and all she can think is that she must be faking it!"

_"Ok, now that the weather's cleared up," Chris announced over the loudspeaker system. "Get your waterlogged butts down to the beach for today's beat-down... I mean, challenge!" He corrected himself. The camera switched to Chris standing in a clearing as the players filed in. "Welcome, contestants." He smiled. "Before we get started, let's bring back last night's exile, Cameron!" He pointed upwards, where Chef was piloting a helicopter, Cameron hanging from a claw. Chef dropped Cameron and he fell to the ground. Chris looked down at Cameron in disbelief. "Ok, A, how are you alive after a night on Boney Island." He said. "And B, why do you smell so rank?" He pinched his nose._

_"Simple, between seasons I read up on wilderness survival techniques." Cameron said._

"Gosh, I hope this isn't going where I think it's going." Harold cringed.

_The camera cut to Cameron dressed up as a fire hydrant, tiptoeing behind a bear. Every time the bear looked back, he would duck so he looked like a real hydrant. Eventually the bear shrugged and peed on the fire hydrant. "If you douse yourself in the um..." He paused nervously. "Scent of the most vicious animal in the forest, all the other creatures will give you the utmost respect!" Cameron said proudly._

"It is an effective technique." Harold shrugged, everyone else extremely grossed out.

_"Not all creatures." Duncan snarked, waving the air away from his nose, all the others expressing similar sentiments. _

_**Confessional:**_

_"Ah, that's just what my Codykins would do!" Sierra snuggled her phone, which she had taped back together and stuck a clothes hanger on it to get better reception._

"Ok, I have to wonder what the heck she's talking about!" Cody frowned. "

_"I'm gonna twert it, thankfully I smuggled in some tape for emergency repairs." She grinned._

"Oh hey, look!" Cody's phone buzzed. "OMG, Camody just got bear pee all over him, and he's sooo smart!" He said awkwardly, reading from his phone. "Should we warn her about Mike?"

"Why not?" Leshawna shrugged. "If Dawn's right about him, it's probably for the best we let the gal know."

"We can warn her after the episode, Gap-tooth, I'm winning myself fifty bucks over here!" Jo grabbed the remote and pressed it.

_"Disgusting revelations aside..." Chris cringed. "It's challenge time!" He recovered, grinning. "Chef didn't have time to cook team losers breakfast this morning, because he was busy making these!" He motioned off camera, the camera swiveled to reveal giant pancakes with signs next to them indicating the teams. "Pancakes!"_

"Awww man those look good!" Owen drooled.

"There's got to be a catch here." Jo looked suspicious. "Chef made them."

"That is the catch." Trent shrugged.

_"That's right, it's eating contest time!" Chris said over a graphic of the pancakes being eaten._

"Man, I'm great at eating challenges!" Owen said. "I wanna be in this season!"

_"Each team member gets one minute to scarf up as much pancakey goodness as they can." He put his hands together in a condescending manner. "When a heroes eating time is up, they hear this." A halo sparkling sound accompanied by a heavenly choir was heard. "And the villains get this." He said, much harsher, as a mutant gopher squeal was heard. "Then you just have to run through a nausea inducing obstacle course."_

_"Obstacle course?" Sam gulped._

_"It's a nod to the Mad Skills course from last season." Chris grinned. "The toughest parts, anyway."_

"I remember that..." Harold sighed. "They even got my prescription glasses right and they didn't invite me!"

"Like you would want to be involved in that hellhole." Jo said. "Do you really want to deal with mutants?"

"I guess not..." Harold sighed.

_"First you've gotta get past the bouncy butts, they're a real pain." He explained as said obstacle was shown onscreen. "Then it's on to the retch 'n rolling pins." The rotating pole spun. "And a swift kick from the grape crusher gets you back in line." The giant boot gave a kick._

_"Pfft, that won't be so hard." Scott scoffed._

"He shouldn't have said that." Brick sighed. "Whenever someone says that, Chris takes it as a challenge."

_"Really?" Chris asked, annoyed. "Huh, I wasn't gonna add this..." He put his hand to his chin in thought. "But since Scott's not impressed," He grabbed his walkie-talkie. "Bring it in!"_

"Dirtboy's an idiot." Jo groaned.

_Chef piloted in a giant bowl carried by helicopter. "Say hello to my metal friend!" Chris said, accented funny to mimic the quote. Chef pressed a button and the bowl dropped onto a waiting spike, scaring the nearby intern. "I call it The Salad Spinner!" He announced. "The perfect end to a barftastic course."_

"Wouldn't Salad Tosser been more apropos?" Noah said.

_Mike walked up to Chris cautiously. "Eh, how does it work?" He scratched his head._

_"Probably painfully." Chris smirked. "I dunno, we didn't have time to test it."_

"He didn't even test it?" Beth looked worried.

"Like he would." Leshawna frowned, arms crossed.

_"Nice one, Scott." Courtney smiled at Scott. "And yes, I was being sarcastic!" She stomped her foot and got closer to Scott, who continued to smile anyway. "What, what?" She asked, confused. _

_"You're pretty when you're mad." Scott gave a smirk._

"Sharkbait goes for Shark-lady..." Jo put her hand on her hip. "Huh... Guess he's a masochist or something."

_"Barf." Heather rolled her eyes at the cheesy comment, walking off._

_"Speaking of which..." Chris put his hands behind his back. "Players have to make it through the course without... ahem..." He coughed awkwardly. "Regurgitating, to get back in line and stay in the game." He settled on a good word. "But, if you puke, you're benched." The camera moved to a shot of said benches. "Leaving the other players to eat up without your help."_

"Oh no, no no no no no!" Bridgette clutched her stomach. "I hate food challenges!"

"It's ok, babe, you don't have to look." Geoff cuddled her.

"Thanks, honeybun." She smiled, and they stared into each other's eyes for a couple seconds before making out passionately.

"Stop the lovemaking!" Jo yelled at the two, causing them to jump apart, blushing. "No one wants to see how far party-boy can jam his tongue down surfer chick's mouth!"

_"Once your pancake's toast, just complete the obstacle course one last time to win." Chris motioned off camera. "Ready?" He called out. "Set, scarf!" He pulled out his trusty air horn and blew it, Sierra running to the pancakes, beginning to chow down. _

_"We need a team leader, and I think it should be you." Alejandro pointed at Heather._

"Yeah, so when you lose, you have someone to blame!" Trent said, annoyed.

_"What?" Courtney yelled, Scott simply muttering an indifferent 'Whatever...'_

_"Fine, you go first, but you'd better have a big appetite!" Heather pointed to the pancakes._

_"As you wish!" Alejandro walked off, beginning to eat as well. He suddenly looked in to see two sets of beady eyes looking out from under a pancake. "Huh-Ouch!" Alejandro screamed as the two rats latched onto his face._

_"Oh yeah, there might be some booby traps and feisty ingredients in those pain-cakes!" Chris warned from over by his lawn-chair._

"He should have mentioned that before!" Tyler said. "Rats are serious bad news, bro!"

"And gross!" Lindsay added.

"Rats are a part of nature too, Lindsay." Dawn smiled.

"Yeah, a gross part!" Lindsay said.

_"Mhmm, are these blueberries?" Sierra pulled out some small blue balls, eating them. _

_"I've never heard of fish eyes being called that, but... sure." Chris shrugged, before Sierra's retching was heard off camera. "And Sierra is benched! Who's next?"_

"I don't get it." Lightning shrugged. "The Lightning ate a fish no problem!"

"Fish eyes are actually a delicacy in the Philippines." Harold said.

"Everything's a delicacy somewhere." Noah shrugged.

_"I'm on it!" Cameron ran up to the pancake. As he started eating, the camera switched to Gwen, when a cough was heard. Gwen looked to her side, seeing Duncan, who smiled and blew her a kiss, but then paused._

_**Confessional:**_

_"Since when do I blow kisses?" He rubbed his head, worried. _

_The camera switched back to Alejandro, who had found and pulled out several traps, including a bear trap and baseball bat. The loudspeaker played the villains eating noise. "Eatin' time is over for Alejandro. Now it's beatin' time!" Chris pounded his fist into his chair. Alejandro leapt into the air and somersaulted onto the first butt, his teammates cheering him on (or more honestly, commanding). "Ooh, very nice moves from Alejandro!" Chris smiled."And, he continues to impress on the rolling pins!" Alejandro was walking backwards across the spinning platform._

_"Yes!" Heather grinned, before pausing as she realized who she was cheering on._

"Awwww, she cares!" Katie squealed.

"I know, right!" Sadie grinned right back. "I don't get why he doesn't date her!"

"I'd say maybe the time she kicked him in the groin and sent him down the volcano." Geoff shrugged. "Not like the dude didn't deserve it."

"Ooh, I wonder what lava feels like on your skin!" Izzy grinned, pulling on her eyelids. "I bet it's like a facial!"

"Yeah, a facial where your face burns off." Noah retorted.

"Owen, back me up here!" Izzy whined.

"Uh... Izzy, Noah's right..." Owen shrunk back as his girlfriend gave him a glare.

"Traitors, all of you!" Izzy shrieked, swinging back up into the rafters. "Izzy is never coming down!"

_Alejandro continued on the course, until the giant boot sent him flying. "Wahhhahahahhh!" He screamed, falling into the Salad Spinner. The intern manning the station nervously pulled the lever and the bowl spun round and round for a couple second before opening up, Alejandro falling out and landing on his face._

_"So thaats how it works." Chris smiled, Alejandro's cheeks bulged as he almost vomited, every villain gasping, but after a second he swallowed and everyone sighed in relief. "Tastes so nice, he ate it twice!" _

"Ewwww..." Bridgette gagged.

"Suck it up, it's not that bad." Jo said, annoyed.

"It's not her fault if she has a weak stomach, Jo." Brick protested.

"Did you hear me ask for your opinion?" Jo growled.

_**Confessional:**_

_"Chris will pay for laughing at me." Alejandro sulked._

_"I sincerely doubt it, Al." Chris came in over the intercom, stretching Alejandro's hated nickname for extra emphasis, laughing as Alejandro frowned._

_"Dirt for brains, your next!" Heather said to Scott, who was clutching his stomach in pain._

_"Argh, the gruel's giving me lead-gut." Scott moaned. "I forgot that's what you get when you get too much of the good stuff." He explained, stomach groaning._

_"Stop whining and get to chowing!" Courtney commanded. "Or whatever your people say!"_

"Your people? He's a redneck not a foreigner." Noah said, annoyed.

_"Well, when you put it like that!" He grinned, pointing at her. _

_"And stop smiling at me!" Courtney yelled after him._

"She's a meanie." Lindsay pouted. "Who doesn't like smiles?"

_Scott ran over to his pancake as the camera focused on Cameron, who almost took a bite when a little raccoon wormed its way out from under a pancake slice. Cameron shielded his face in fear, as the raccoon launched itself onto him. "The villains may have the lead, but Cameron's got the most game!" Chris laughed as the raccoon growled at Cameron, before pausing and sniffing the air. Its cheeks bulged and it ran off and barfing noises could be heard from off camera. The heroes noise played._

"Aww, poor raccoon. What's he going to tell his friends at the raccoon lodge?" Beth sighed.

"Raccoon what?" Jo asked, confused.

"Oh, the secret lair of the raccoons!" Izzy called down, but refused to swing down from her spot above everyone. "Beth and I were accepted into their people!"

"But the raccoons said I was the only human to ever set foot in their sanctuary..." Beth protested

"Ok, Beth, you do know raccoons don't talk, right?" Brick asked.

"Oh no, they don't speak human." Beth shrugged. "We had to bond with our animals in TDA and the raccoon and I really hit it off."

_"Run, Cam!" Mike called out to his friend._

_"My weight divided by perfect angle, times fear of failure, here goes!" Cameron muttered to himself as he ran to the bouncing butts. He jumped, screaming, before falling flat before even the first butt."Oohhhh..." He moaned._

_"Ugh..." Scott groaned as he held a piece of pancake. "I'm stuffed like a thanksgiving pigeon!"_

"What." Noah asked flatly.

"Thanksgiving...pigeon?" Leshawna gaped.

"That sounds yummy!" Owen smiled, rubbing his stomach, much to the displeasure of everyone else. Displeased, but not surprised.

_The villains noise played over the loudspeaker. "Run, Scott!" Alejandro yelled. "Run like your very life depends on it...which it does!"_

"Has anyone noticed Alejandro's voice is higher?" Bridgette asked.

_"Why would I go next?" Heather asked Courtney, angrily. "I'm team captain!"_

_"Because I said so!" Courtney put her hands on her hips._

_"Ugh." Gwen groaned, walking ahead of them. _

_**Confessional:**_

_"If I don't puke, maybe I can still fix things with Courtney!" Gwen insisted. "And win!" She added as an afterthought._

"I don't get why Gwen would want to be friends with Courtney." Trent looked confused.

"She feels like it's her fault Courtney is so mean to everyone." Dawn shrugged. "Secretly Courtney feels like everyone betrayed her, not helped by the events in her life."

"You know more about us than Sierra!" Cody said. "How do you even do that?"

"I was born with a gift to see auras." Dawn shrugged.

_"Ohhh..." Cameron had his hand on his head as the boot could be heard creaking as it raised, sending Cameron flying over the Salad Spinner._

"Why did it send Camera over the spinny thingie?" Lindsay said, scratching her head.

"The Salad Spinner probably wasn't calibrated for Cameron's small size." Harold explained. "It flung him farther due to his low weight."

_Cameron landed upside down on a branch, before the branch cracked and he fell, hitting several more branches until he landed on a birds nest, the three birds who inhabited the nest began pecking him relentlessly. "I caught it all on my phone!" Sierra laughed, holding up her near broken cell phone. "Way to go, Cody...Cam...Cody-Cam...Camdy?!" She corrected herself as Cameron plummeted to the ground._

"Ugh." Cody groaned. "At least she's not bothering me."

_"Hehehehehah!" Chris laughed. "Next!" _

_"No fair!" Heather protested. "He didn't do the spinner!"_

"She has a point..." Beth sighed.

_"I'll allow it." Chris grinned. "His pain was our gain..." He looked directly at the camera. "Which team will finish their barftastic breakfast first. Find out after the break, on Total Drama All Stars!" He announced. _

"So essentially 'Screw the rules, I make them!'." Noah said, annoyed. "He should just drop the pretense and just turn it into a gladiatorial death match."

"Don't give him ideas!" Cody shrieked. "He'd do it, remember last season?"

"Where the Sha-Lightning won?" Lightning bragged.

"No, I distinctly remember Cameron winning." Jo glared at him. "And you getting your hair bleached white by lightning!"

"The Lightning has no sha-memories of that happening." Lightning pouted.

_The camera faded in to Scott being trapped in one of the butts. "We're back, and the vultures are in the lead, but for how long?" Chris stepped up so the camera focused on him. _

_"One side, I'll go next!" Duncan ran up to the heroes pancake and began stuffing his face._

"Man those pancakes look good." Owen drooled. "Seriously, those are amazing! It's like heaven in a pan!"

_Scott stepped onto the rolling pins, still clutching his distended stomach, only to have them break down. "You break it, you buy it, Scott!" Chris yelled over to him._

"Like he could afford it." Jo laughed.

_"Ugh." Scott moaned as he walked across the rolling pin, jumping onto the platform where the kicker was. "Too much gruel and pancake!" He said weakly. "Stomach feels like it weighs a ton!" The telltale creaking of the kicker was heard, but when it came down, it only gave Scott a little tap. "A little help here?" He asked, the camera cutting to Chris carrying the button that controlled the kicker. _

"Oh god, he just asked the magic question." Jo laughed.

_Chris tossed the normal button away, pulling out a much bigger black version of the button, grinning maliciously. The kicker rotated 3 quarters of a full circle, then the sole slid open to reveal propane tanks, which powered up and sent Scott flying into the Salad Spinner. Scott screamed, landing in a puff of gruel dust as the spinner started violently turning. "And Scott is safe to eat again!" Chris announced. _

_"You can do it!" Mike called out to Duncan, Sam adding 'Scarf for your life!'_

_"This is easy!" Duncan grinned, stuffing his face into the pancake. His eyes widened and he pulled his face out, only to find his lips caught in a mouse trap. _

_"You were saying?" Chris said cheerily. Duncan screamed, but it was completely muffled by the trap, the heroes noise alerted him to rip off the mouse trap and run off to the course. The camera switched over to Gwen, who was stuffing her face with chunks of the pancakes, gagging slightly._

"Man, I reaally want those pancakes..." Owen sighed.

"Ooh, Izzy knows a great recipe!" Izzy called down. "But she'll never tell you unless you agree that lava facials would be awesome!"

"You're still on that?" Noah groaned.

"Izzy will never come down until Owen agrees!" Izzy shouted.

"Fine, Izzy, lava facials are an ok idea." Owen sighed, and Izzy suddenly leapt down from the rafters into his arms.

"Sha-whipped!" Lightning laughed at Owen, earning a glare from Izzy that shut him up immediately.

_The villains noise caused Gwen to look up, crabs coming out from under her pancake, jumping onto her. "Ow ah ow!" Gwen shrieked, waving her arms as she ran._

_"I'm not going after Gwen!" Courtney whined to Heather. "She'll leave a booby trap in there for me!"_

"There are already booby traps." Beth protested.

"Hehe, you said booby." Harold snorted.

"What are you, twelve?" Jo snarled.

_"Um, I think she's a little too busy for that." Heather smirked at Gwen's misery._

_"Fine!" Courtney shouted. "I'll go next."_

"Wow, girl actually agreed to do something!" Leshawna said, impressed.

"That shouldn't impressive..." Jo looked annoyed.

"It is for her." Harold shrugged. "She's still mad at me for that whole tampering with the votes thing."

_"But if we lose, Gwen goes home, deal?" Courtney offered her hand to Heather._

_"Deal." Heather turned to Courtney and shook her hand, keeping her other hand behind her. The camera zoomed in to reveal she had crossed her fingers._

"Anyone who makes a deal with Heather deserves to be screwed over." Jo said. "She's completely untrustworthy."

"What about Linds?" Tyler protested. "She didn't deserve what Heather did to her!"

"Thanks Tyler!" Lindsay grinned and pecked him on the cheek. "Helen is a real meanie face."

"Ok, everyone with a fully functioning brain that makes a deal with Heather deserves it." Jo amended, annoyed.

"Thanks, Julia!" Lindsay smiled, not getting the insult.

"Wow." Jo said flatly. "You know, I can see why you were voted off first. Besides Game Lump, you're the least useful team player since Bubble Brain."

"Hey!" Beth, Tyler and Dakota all said at the same time, indignant.

"Sorry, sorry, but it's true." Jo shrugged.

_"The villains are two thirds done." Chris explained, pointing at the info graphic of the two pancakes, the hamsters pancake was significantly more whole than the vultures. "But it looks like the heroes need to up their appetite, big time." He announced._

_Back over at the obstacle course, Duncan slipped on the bouncy butt and fell into the mud. "Ughhh.." He moaned, but got up and glared at Chris. "You have to do better than that Chris!" He yelled, before the bouncy butt crushed him mid bounce. "Ugh..." He moaned again._

_Up on the platform, Gwen jumped up onto the bouncy butt and her cheeks bulged, but she managed to keep it in, even after several bounces, falling face first into the platform, Scott and Heather both cringing. Gwen groaned, muffled by her cheeks. "Woah, babe, you don't look so good." Duncan was standing above her, before the camera panned up to reveal his lips were bruised and puffed up by the mouse trap and bouncy butt._

"Duncan looks like he has lipstick on!" Cody grinned, laughing his head off.

_Gwen pointed angrily at Duncans lips, and he touched them, only to get hurt. "Yowch!" He yelled._

_**Confessional:**_

_"I'm not one to care about my looks, but man, check out my lips!" Duncan complained. "It's like two worms having a street fight down there!" He pointed at his puffed up lips._

_"Hero Duncan is just ahead!" Chris called out as Duncan balanced on the rotating pins._

"I don't get why everyone's making a huge fuss about those rolling pins." Leshawna shrugged. "I fought a bear on a rolling log and I lived to tell the tale."

_"And, villain Gwen's head is turning a new shade of green!" The camera panned back to Gwen, whose face indeed was a putrid shade of green. _

_"Gwen, are you ok?" Duncan asked, the camera still focused in on Gwen's green face. "Come on, you can do it!" He called out to her, Gwen putting her hands over her mouth to keep from spewing all over Duncan, but to no avail, she projectile vomited her stomach out onto Duncan, who looked more suprised than annoyed. "Aww, sick!" He moaned, rolling off the pins and onto the final platform._

"You ok, Bridge?" Geoff asked Bridgette, who was turning pale and covering her eyes.

"I'm-I'm fine." She groaned, but did not remove her hands from her eyes. "Tell me when it's over, Geoff."

"Sure can do, babe." Geoff smiled sweetly.

_"Ow..." Chris said, feigning sympathy for a second, before grinning again. "And Gwen gives the hurl of shame new meaning." The camera switched to the bleachers, where Gwen joined Sierra, "Hit the bench."_

"Dakota no like hurl of shame. It hurt." Dakota sighed.

"Well, seeing as you took it three separate times, you'd be most familiar with it." Harold shrugged.

_**Confessional:**_

_Gwen clutched the bucket in her hands and vomited into it._

"Ugh, was that really necessary?" Noah groaned.

_"And Duncan's at the Salad Spinner!" Chris announced, Duncan inside the whirling mechanical bowl, holding in his lunch, he collapsed onto the ground when the spinner released him, giving the thumbs up. "Heroes need another eater!"_

_"I'm on it!" Mike ran over to the pancake and began stuffing his face._

_**Confessional:**_

_"Even if I could access my alternate personalities, I don't think they'd help." Mike explained, listing his personalities off on his fingers. "Svetlana only eats veggies, Vito's a total carnivore, Manitoba hates carbs, and Chester would just complain there's too much syrup."_

"Man, Mike must be a riot at dinnertime." Geoff said. "Dude wouldn't be able to decide what to eat!" He laughed.

"Geoff, what did we discuss?" Bridgette scolded him.

"No laughing at other people's problems, I know..." Geoff sighed. "But once you start being Chris, it's kind of hard to stop."

"It's ok, Geoff, as long as you don't turn into Captain Hollywood again." Bridgette smiled.

"Sha-whipped." Lightning muttered under his breath again, nervously glancing at Izzy, who was making vicious gestures at him.

_Courtney began to stuff her face with the pancake, before something green exploded onto her, and she screamed. "Kyaah! Green jelly!" She began running wildly, arms waving. "Gah, get it off me, get it off mee-eee!" She shrieked, finally running in the right direction._

Geoff burst out laughing, but caught himself "Oh, sorry Bridge, but it's Courtney!"

_"Why is she freaking out so much?" Cameron asked the others._

_"Season one, Phobia Factor challenge!" Sierra called over to him from on the bench. "She's terrified of that stuff!"_

"Green...Jelly?" Jo snorted. "CIT is afraid of freaking green jelly?" She burst out laughing. "That's almost as funny as Private Pants-wetter and his nightlight!" She doubled over. "Sorry, Brickhouse, couldn't help it." She shrugged when she noticed Brick's red face.

_The heroes loudspeaker played the noise, Mike stopped eating, but he looked down and saw a stick of dynamite stuck in the pancake, and before he could run, it exploded. "Ahhhh!" He screamed as it launched him into the air and sent him straight into the Salad Spinner. It spun for a couple seconds then released him onto the ground, Mike gasping, his hair flopped down over his eye and he eyed the control panel. "Can't resist a little chaos!" He pulled down the lever and began maniacally cackling. "Huhuhuhuhuh!-" He laughed, before gasping again, Mike returning. "Ahahahahuhgh..." He gripped his head. "Why am I laughing when I feel like barfing!?" He moaned. _

_Courtney shrieked as she flew into the Salad Spinner. "And Courtney makes it to the spinner!" Chris called out over the loudspeakers, the intern pulling the lever to send it spinning. _

_"Ooooohoohoh!" Courtney yelled as the spinner started spinning much faster than before, the little red light on the interns side of things began flashing. "Is this normaaaal!?" She screamed, the machine sputtering and sparking, sending her flying off into the air, Chris doubled over with laughter._

"Damn, that's kind of diabolical." Jo smirked at Mike's sabotage. "I'm impressed!"

_**Confessional:**_

_Courtney was curled up in the fetal position shivering, hair shooting out in strands and a glazed look of fear in her eyes. "Seen... Future... Must stop eating cake!"_

_"Looks like the villains are about to taste victory!" Chris once again referred to the pie chart, where the heroes were only halfway done, while the villains only had a quarter left. "And maybe some old shoes, we put some in their pancake."_

"Ha!" Jo yelled at Dakota. "We'll see who gets voted off!"

"Villains no win yet." Dakota growled back.

_"Enjoy the loser cabin tonight!" Alejandro walked over to the heroes. _

_"Oh, it's not breakfast anymore, Alejandro, it's dinnertime!" Sam threw up his arms angrily._

"That made no sense at all." Noah said flatly.

"But it was cool!" Owen threw up his hands. "Go Sam!"

"Yay, Sam save day!" Dakota's tail wagged furiously, thumping the floor.

"Calm down there, Dakotazoid, you're gonna knock something over." Jo smirked.

_"Zoey, tag me, tag me!" Sam ran over to Zoey, who was stuffing her face with the pancake, but she stopped and high fived Sam. _

_"No way!" Heather called over from the villains pancake. "That is not in the rules!"_

"There wasn't nothing against it either." Leshawna said, annoyed. "'Sides, Chris doesn't _do _rules."

_"It is if one of the villains tags out too!" Chris called back, voice nasally to mock her._

_Heather growled and crushed her piece of pancake, but Alejandro walked up behind her. "Tag my designer boot!" He said. "Do it!"_

_"Fine, if I have to." Heather rolled her eyes and gingerly touched his boot with one finger_

_"You can do this, Samuel-san." Sam said to himself. "One does not play the game, one lets the game play him!" Sam yelled, before kneeling down and shoveling food into his mouth quickly._

"Go Sam!" Dakota yelled.

"Man, that guy's got some guts!" Owen grinned, whooping. "Go Sam!"

_"Go Sam, you can do it!" Duncan yelled over to Sam, but turned around and stopped when he saw Mike was staring. "I mean, whatever, pfft, do whatever, cause I don't care." He scoffed. _

"He's not good at expressing positive emotions." Dawn shrugged.

"I think that much was obvious, Pixie Chick." Jo said, annoyed.

_"It's ok to be a team player." Mike put his hand on Duncan's shoulder and smiled warmly, Duncan looking at him suspiciously. "What?" Mike retracted his hand, worried. _

_"Just something about your voice..." Duncan said, hand on his chin in thought. "It's-it's kind of familiar."_

"Why does that make me icky?" Beth shivered.

"Because Duncan's probably spent his entire teenage years behind bars?" Noah countered. "And the only way he'd know him is if he was in Juvy too?"

"Yeah..." Beth said suspiciously. "But Mike's too nice to be in Juvy." She protested.

_Sam continued to scarf down the pancake, tossing snapping turtles and tennis rackets and old shoes out of the pancake as he ate. "The heroes have scored back, people!" Chris yelled, the hamsters pie chart only had a sliver left, tied with the vultures. "It's neck 'n' neck!" _

_The camera switched back to Sam, who chomped on a piece of pancake, only for it to explode into a swarm of bees. "Ahhh!" He screamed, the bees swarming his face._

"Sam!" Dakota shrieked. "Bees hurt Sam!"

"Has anyone noticed that Sam's been getting hurt a lot lately?" Brick said, confused. "The pole to the kiwis, the bloodsucking mosquito, he's just having bad luck all around!"

"It's not luck, it's Chris." Jo narrowed her eyes.

_Alejandro was busy eating away at the pancake when a trail of red ants began climbing up his hands and into his shirt, and Alejandro's eyes widened. "Gwaaah!" He shrieked, hopping on one hand. "Fire ants!"_

"Those are my red ants!" Harold said, indignant. "They've been stolen and used for Chris's nefarious pancake plot!"

"Yeah, against Ale-jerk-dro." Leshawna smirked. "They're fighting for a good cause."

"I guess you're right, but... gosh..." Harold sighed. "I'm gonna miss them."

"They're ants!" Jo yelled. "You can just go get a new ant farm, Freckle-face!"

"Not just ants, Jo,_Solenopsis solenopsidis_. They're from Argentina and are not native to Canada!" Harold protested. "I had to have them specially imported, gosh!"

"Ants are just freaking ants!" Jo called back.

"Hey, are you fighting with my sugar baby?" Leshawna glared, pushing Harold behind her.

"You got a problem with that, Apple Bottom?" Jo challenged her.

"You did not just call me that." Leshawna growled, snapping her fingers.

"Jo..." Brick weakly protested. "You need to stop provoking other people!"

"Can it, Private." Jo snapped.

"Please stop fighting!" Dawn suddenly burst out. "Jo, I know you feel inadequate for being voted off third, but you shouldn't take it out on others!" She scolded her, shaking her finger disapprovingly, before turning to Leshawna. "And Leshawna, fighting isn't the answer to your problems." She said.

"...I'm sorry." Leshawna sighed. "We cool?" She offered her hand to Jo.

"...Whatever." Jo scoffed.

"That's as close as you'll get to 'I'm sorry.'." Brick whispered to Leshawna.

_"Don't you dare lose!" Heather called out, Scott yelling 'C'mon man!'. _

_Sam reached for the final pancake piece, face covered in bee stings, stuffing it in his face. "Sam finishes his pancake first!" Chris called out._

"Woah, that dude can pack it almost as well as Owen!" Geoff cheered.

"Sam get stung..." Dakota shivered, shaking the nearby Dawn, who steadied her mutant friend.

_"I...chewed it with my mouth!" Sam shook in pain from the bee stings, moaning._

_"Sam, the obstacle course!" Cameron yelled._

_"What, who?" Sam shook himself awake, running slowly across the platform, hunched over. _

_"Come on, Ale-whatever!" Scott yelled at Alejandro, apparently forgetting his name,_

_"Don't bother!" Heather yelled, clearly trying to provoke Alejandro. "Obviously he can't do it!" She threw a hand down angrily. _

_Alejandro glared at her with contempt and began quickly eating his pancake, finishing it. "Al's finished the villains pancake!" Chris pointed to the pie chart, both now empty. "The race to finish is on!" He grinned. _

_"Ugh, need power up..." Sam moaned, slowly running across the rolling pins._

_"Hurry Sam!" Cameron yelled, all the other heroes yells of encouragement overlapping and making it hard to hear individual voices._

_"I'm coming for you, Game Child!" Alejandro walked up behind Sam on the rolling pin._

"Man, Ale-handwalker sucks at nicknames." Jo laughed.

_Alejandro leapt over Sam, laughing. Sam glared at Alejandro. "It's not Game Child." He said. "It's Game MAN!" He yelled the last part, a little video game energy meter appearing, filling up as he yelled, everyone gaping in awe._

"Woah, Sam's actually winning!" Jo gasped. "I might actually lose my twenty bucks?"

"Jo keep money, Dakota no need it." Dakota shrugged. " Jo just admit Sam awesome."

"... And whether or not I lose, I keep the money?" Jo said, skeptically.

"Sam awesome?" Dakota asked.

"Yeah, whatever, he's better than I thought." Jo grumbled. "But he hasn't won yet, so it doesn't matter!"

_"Waah!" Sam grabbed onto Alejandro's legs just as the boot kicked them into the Salad Spinner. When the bowl stopped spinning, there was a tense look on everyone's face (including the little raccoon Cameron scared off) when it wasn't clear who would come out on top. "Ugh..." Sam pulled himself out of the spinner, stopping with his hand hanging out._

_"Yeah!" The heroes all yelled._

_Sam pushed himself out of the spinner, but Alejandro suddenly appeared, grabbing his underwear in a wedgie. "Not so fast!" Alejandro laughed, the villains cheering. "Losing stings." He quipped, but a single bee left over from Sam's swarm flew up and stung Alejandro on his cheek. "Ahhhh, my sexy cheek!" Alejandro quickly dropped Sam to touch the sting. _

_"And the heroes win!" Chris announced._

"SAM WON!" Dakota yelled happily, crushing Dawn in a hug, before sheepishly dropping her. "Sorry..." She mumbled.

"It's ok." Dawn coughed, smiling. "I wouldn't be so sure, unfortunately." She sighed.

_"Yeah!" All the heroes yelled, fists pumping. Zoey and Mike pulled each other into an embrace._

_"Just a minute heroes." Chris said, as the camera switched to Sam, who was holding his breath in, before burping. The burp continued, blowing the villains hair back, shaking the camera and causing the heroes to pinch their noses. The camera switched to a bear and a moose having a chess match, the moose flipping the chessboard over and looking around for the source of the noise, birds flying away. Sam finished burping before coughing up a single bee. _

_**Confessional:**_

_"Chalk one up for the game guy." Sam laughed. _

"Owen... You just got beat." Geoff grinned. "AND THAT WAS AWESOME!"

"Cool!" Owen threw up his hands and laughed. "Sam is awesome!"

"Gamer's got sha-skill!" Lightning whooped. "Lightning could do better, though." He added as an afterthought.

"Ugh, I don't even..." Bridgette sighed. "What is it with dudes and burping?"

"Just let them have their fun." Leshawna smirked.

"Ugh." Dakota sighed. "Dakota love Sam, but Sam gross sometimes."

_"Sure, it wasn't easy, but me and old iron tummy didn't get banned from all the Barney Buffets in the Tri-County Area for nothing." He smiled, patting his stomach._

"If Sam comes here soon, I wanna hang out with him!" Owen grinned. "Can I, Dakota?" He smiled sweetly at her, as if there was a reason to ask her.

"If Sam want to." Dakota shrugged.

_"Knew he couldn't do it." Heather told Scott as Alejandro moaned. _

_"Where's Courtney?" Scott asked, extremely worried._

"That's a good question." Brick said. "She disappeared after Mike flung her out of the Salad Spinner."

"Awwww, he cares!" Katie squealed.

_"Hello, a little help here?" The camera cut to Courtney stuck in a tree, her butt and legs sticking out of the hole. "Oh..." She sighed as the camera faded to black._

"I think Al's going home." Trent laughed. "Dude screwed the pooch at the end there."

"I would not be so sure." Dawn said sagely.

"So which villain's gonna be flushed?" Trent asked.

"I hope it's Courtney." DJ added. "I mean I feel bad saying it, but, she kind of deserves it."

"Neither of your predictions are correct." Dawn said. "The answer will surprise you."

_The camera faded back in on the island at night, and zoomed in to the villains on the chopping block. "If not for me, we would have lost by a much more dishonorable amount." Alejandro stated, defensive._

_"But we did still lose, right?" Heather had her arms and legs crossed, glaring at Alejandro._

_"Then tonight I suppose I will be forced to bid you farewell." Alejandro smiled falsely._

"So Heather's going home?" Jo asked Dawn, who shook her head. "Good, I don't want to deal with her."

_"I guess neither of us will be in the loser cabin tonight!" Sam grinned. "Flush!"_

"Woah, Sam's being weird." Jo said, confused. "Normally he's doormat number one, next to G.I Joke over here, but now he's acting like a jerk."

"Sam is not used to winning in real life." Dawn smiled. "The rush of winning has heightened his confidence." She explained. "Too bad it will not last."

"Not last?" Dakota asked, but Dawn did not answer.

_"Listen up campers." Chris said solemnly. "As I have a shocking announcement to make." He smirked. "Gwen didn't accidentally/on purpose serve Courtney an ouchie today!" Chris explained as Courtney glared at Gwen, _

_"The day's not over yet." Courtney said testily._

_"Oh, and after reviewing the footage of today's challenge, and laughing a lot." He added. "Turns out, the heroes didn't in fact, complete the challenge."_

"What?" Cody said, annoyed. "They finished the pancake, didn't they?"

"Maybe someone cheated." Noah replied, shrugging. "Mike is acting funny."

_"But Sam finished the pancake and won the obstacle course first!" Mike protested. _

_"Sam." Chris said sternly. "Will you stand up and turn out your pockets, please?"_

"Sam?" Dakota said, worried. "Why Sam cheat?"

"Seriously, Game Junkie cheated?" Jo snarled. "Not only does that not make sense, that's stupid!"

_Sam stood up and opened his pockets as Chris asked, face solemn. Two large chunks of pancake fell out and onto the ground, everyone gasping. "I just saved a tiny bit, in case I had to go to Boney Island again." He said guiltily. "It's a terrible place!... I'm sorry..." He mumbled sadly._

"That's kind of sad." Beth said, frowning.

"What, that he cheated?" Lindsay turned to her friend.

"He only did it because he was convinced everyone was going to force him to go to Boney Island again." Beth explained.

"Yeah, well he still cheated." Jo said, annoyed. "Game Junkie is probably gonna go home."

"Sam scared of Boney Island?" Dakota looked hurt. "Dakota protect Sam!"

"Calm yourself, he's fine." Dawn smiled. "He's actually down in the -" She began, but cut herself off.

"Down where?" Geoff asked, but Dawn again refused to respond.

_"Heroes forfeit, villains win it!" Chris smiled as all the villains cheered, Scott and Courtney embracing each other and jumping up and down._

_"Alright!" Scott grinned, still holding Courtney in his arms, but stopped and realized who he was holding and they turned away from each other awkwardly._

"Awwww, look at them!" Sadie smiled. "They're so cute together!"

"Yeah, crazy CIT and Sharkbait... They're 'cute'." Jo air quoted the last bit, scoffing.

_"Time to vote someone out, heroes!" Chris pointed to the confessional, the screen splitting into six to show them voting, each looking worried. _

_"We're down to the final two contestants." Chris announced, the camera skipping the usual announcement of who's safe and who's not. "Who will get the final marshmallow?" He smiled, holding the dinner plate holding the final marshmallow. "Will it be Sam the pancake hoarder." Sam looked down at the ground, ashamed. "Or Sierra, the pancake hurler." Sierra looked sheepish. "The last marshmallow goes toooo..." He stretched out the last word as the camera did the normal tense scene switching. "Sierra." He smiled and tossed the last marshmallow to the crazy fan girl._

"Sam... lose?" Dakota sniffled.

"Well, at least he'll be here with you." Owen smiled sweetly.

"Wow, that was actually sweet, Owen." Bridgette smiled at him.

_"Guess who didn't need a Boney Island contingency plan?" He leered at Sam, smirking. "Sam, you're done." Sam looked down at the ground again._

_"Ugh." Sam stood up. "Sorry I blew it, guys." He apologized to his fellow heroes. "But you would have done the same, if you were me and you'd spent a night in that scary bitey place!" He cringed._

"Sam did look pretty roughed up last time, didn't he." Cody said.

"Yeah, being almost eaten by bears will do that to a guy." Noah shrugged

"My aunt invented bear repellant." Staci butted in, but sheepishly stopped. "Sorry." She apologized. "Habits are hard to break, yah."

_"That reminds me." Chris said. "Which winner is gonna be a loser tonight on the island?" He asked. _

_"Me, I'll go!" Scott walked up to Chris. _

_**Confessional:**_

_"Last season I found the invincibility sculpture in no time flat!" Scott grinned. _

"Last season you got mauled into a comatose state by a shark." Noah added. "Your plans have a tendency to fail horribly.

"Sean looked so sad in his little box." Lindsay pouted. "I don't get why he was flashing his little red light all the time around me, though."

_"Now I get the whole night?" He folded his arms. "It's in the bag!"_

_"Any last words, before... You know..." Chris stood next to Chef, and asked Sam as he sat in the Flush of Shame._

_"I just want to say-" Sam began, before Chris pressed the button prematurely. "Ahhh!" He screamed. _

_"Psych!" Chris laughed, holding the button in his hand. A sudden clogging sound was heard._

_"Uh, guys, a bit stuck in here!" Sam called out, voice garbled. _

_"I thought you were going to fix that water pressure problem." Chris scolded Chef, who nodded and picked up a giant plunger. "The villains finally win again!" Chris turned to the camera as plunging noises could be heard. "But, can they do it again, again?" He asked, before turning back to Chef. "Can you stop that for just one second?" He asked Chef, who glared and stopped. "Find out next time, on Total Drama All Stars!" A flushing was heard and so was Sam's screams._

"So, Dakota, fifty bucks, please." Jo smiled, holding out her hand. "I don't believe I won, and that's saying something, so just hand me the money so I can forget about it."

"Sure." Dakota smiled and handed her the money. "Dakota make more money in hour than that." She shrugged. "Don't need it."

"Hey, her speech problems are getting better!" Bridgette smiled, and Dakota smiled back.

"So where Sam?" Dakota asked.

"Dakota?" A soft but deep-ish voice was heard from behind the door, Dakota turned around and saw a sopping wet Sam standing in the doorway to the room, face covered with bandages from the multiple stings.

"Sam!" Dakota yelled happily, running over to Sam and picking him up in a bone crushing hug.

"Hi... Dakota..." Sam coughed, being crushed by his overly enthusiastic girlfriend, patting her on the head as she nuzzled him.

"Dakota worried about you!" She said, putting Sam up on her shoulders and walking back to her bean bag. "You hurt bad."

"Yeah, the interns patched me up really well though, turns out they have this huge medical bay for when the interns get hurt." He explained. "Hey guys!" He waved down at everybody from his high vantage point on Dakota's spiky shoulders.

"Dude, that burp was awesome!" Owen called over to Sam, who grinned and flashed a thumbs up.

"I guess." Sam laughed. "Honestly I just wanted to get rid of the bee I swallowed."

"So you cheated?" Jo said, smirking.

"Well, yes..." Sam sighed. "I didn't mean to break the rules."

"Jo leave Sam alone!" Dakota scowled at Jo.

"Dakota..." Sam scolded. "Jo's mean, but we shouldn't be mean back."

"Dakota sorry." Dakota sighed and tried to smile reassuringly at Jo, but failed as her teeth were too sharp and menacing.

"Uh, it's ok." Jo laughed nervously.

"Sam still hurt?" Dakota asked her boyfriend worriedly. "Need kiss to make better?"

"Uh, no I'm not that hur-" Sam looked down at Geoff who was nodding his head vigorously, and he realized what he meant. "Uh, sure." He smiled, as Dakota kissed him.

"Awwwww!" Katie and Sadie squealed together happily.

"Ugh, kissing." Jo groaned. "I'm out of here." She stormed out.

AN; Awwww, Samkota reunited! And yes, I will be slipping in more Samkota because they are the cutest couple ever and I will not not put them in. And next up is my favorite episode in All Stars, and probably among my top five TD episodes period, Moon Madness, where Mal really picks up the psycho stick (literally, considering he tried to murder Zoey with one) and scares the crap out of the playa. Sorry if Noah's getting too much screen(page)time, it's just I like writing him and he honestly seems like that guy who spends every second of his movies MST3K'ing them.


	5. Moon Madness

"Everyone report to the rec room for a MANDATORY special early showing of the new episode!" The intercom blared, everyone filing in. It was near three o clock AM and everyone was annoyed and tired to be called up so early. For some reason, the episode didn't air at the normal slot, and instead of showing them the show tomorrow and having it be a double episode day, they decided that it would be better to show them early.

"So did you warn Sierra about Mike?" Noah asked Cody as they filed in, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Funny thing is, I think her phone broke." Cody shrugged. "Her last twert was all jumbled up, like "ASDDFGFJLHHKL" or something."

"So you didn't warn her that there's a psycho on the island?" Noah looked more concerned than he normally did.

"I'm sure she can handle herself. She beats up sharks on a regular basis, she can take Mike." Cody smiled reassuringly.

"Hey, has anyone seen Bunny?" DJ walked into the room seconds after everyone else, worried.

"Why?" Geoff asked, nervous. He wasn't actually responsible for this bunny's disappearance, but he still felt a little guilty about losing DJ's first bunny.

"He was acting pretty funny and ran off, and I'm worried." DJ frowned.

"Huh, Dakota was acting a little funny too." Sam added, from Dakota's lap. "She kept bugging out, but nothing bad happened. Maybe it's just a mutant thing, I mean, Bunny's got that weird tail tentacle thing going on." He shrugged.

"Maybe, but why last night?" DJ asked. "And where is he now? What if he gets eaten!"

"He's got fangs." Geoff replied, smiling reassuringly. "He can take care of himself. I'm sure he'll turn up, dude!" He patted DJ on the back.

"Dakota sorry for breaking Gameguy." Dakota apologized to Sam sheepishly.

"It's ok, Dakota." Sam smiled. "I can always get a new Gameguy. You're more important, I'm just glad you're ok."

"The tea leaves warned me about last night." Dawn announced. "The moon cast a spell over all the animals."

"Yeah right, like that could happen." Jo scoffed. "Dakota goes nuts all the time... No offense." She said to Sam and Dakota.

"Actually," Harold piped up, snuggling up to Leshawna, who was begrudgingly allowing it. "The moon last night corresponds with the extremely rare occurrences of a blue harvest moon." He explained. "It's a recorded phenomenon that occurs only once every fifty years."

"So what, last night Dakota went nutzo because of a stupid moon?" Jo protested.

"Actually, all animals are affected by the moons light. It's unknown what causes it and why humans aren't affected." Harold continued, annoyed at the interruption.

"So why haven't we heard of it?" Noah glared.

"Like I said, it only occurs on rare occasions." Harold repeated.

"So my dog Sasha would have been freaking out?" Noah asked.

"I suspect so." Dawn answered before Harold could, Harold mumbling incoherently.

"Watch episode now?" Dakota asked politely, pointing to the TV, which was about to start the show.

_"Last time on Total Drama All Stars." Chris announced, the camera fading in to the clips as usual. "After swapping teams, Courtney and Duncan were stuck living with the enemy." He explained, clips of Duncan and Courtney's performances playing. "But, while Courtney was given the cold shoulder by every villain except Scott," Courtney and Scott's awkward hug was shown. _

"Heheh, Scott and Courtney?" Sam laughed. "That's a weird couple."

"Says the guy sitting on top of his ten foot tall girlfriend." Noah smirked.

_"Duncan got a hero's welcome so warm, it made him question his own bad boy-hood." The party thrown for Duncan played onscreen. "At challenge time, giant pancakes were gobbled down, and in a few cases, thrown right back up thanks to a barftacular obstacle course." Gwen throwing up all over Duncan was shown, as well as Alejandro swallowing to keep from puking. "Way to reswallow, bro." Chris laughed. "The heroes finished first, but an uneaten chunk of cake in Sam's pocket sent the heroes to loserville."_

"I'm still really sorry that I lost everyone the game." Sam sighed. "I kind of knew I would get voted off really early." He looked resigned. "I'm not even that much of an All Star, honestly."

"Sam is All Star!" Dakota insisted.

"Thanks, Dakota." Sam smiled, kissing Dakota on the cheek.

"Ugh, please stop kissing." Jo scoffed. "No one wants to see it. We just want to watch the episode and get some freaking sleep."

_"And Sam took a particularly awkward Flush o' Shame." A clip of Sam's elimination played. "Only ten players remain, which one of them is gonna take a circley swim in the big porcelain bowl?" Chris was standing at the top of the giant toilet, gesturing down to the bowl. "Find out right here, right now, on Total Drama All Stars!"_

_After the theme song, the camera was zoomed in on the ground, a bowl of Chef's gruel falling into the dirt and spilling everywhere. The camera moved up to the porch of the loser cabin, Duncan coughing and spluttering. "This slop tastes like dirt gravy." Cameron piped up worriedly, eyeing his bowl of gruel with fear. "Which technically would be mud, but-Woah!" Cameron began walking down the stairs, before tripping and falling. Cameron had fallen face first into the slop._

Jo burst out laughing at this, Brick looking worried. "Hey, that's not very nice, Jo." Brick said.

"Sorry, sorry, but seriously, he tripped?" Jo chuckled. "Cameron's got two left feet!"

_"Wow Cam, you ok?" Mike asked Cameron, helping him up and handing him his broken glasses. "Here you go, buddy." He put the glasses on Cam's face, but they cracked in two and fell to the ground._

"Awww, Mike's so sweet!" Beth grinned.

_"Oh boy..." Cameron groaned. The camera panned back so Zoey was in shot, she turned around and gasped. _

_**Confessionals:**_

_"I can't believe what I just saw!" Zoey said, gripping her head. "Or have just seen... no, saw... " She pondered the correct word. "Either way, I can't believe it!"_

_The camera rippled to a recording from Zoey's perspective, of the same scene we just saw. When Cameron walked down the stairs, Mike's? hand grabbed his foot and caused him to fall. Mike came out from under the stairs and gasped, blinking confusedly. the flashback ending. "Why would Mike do that to Cameron?" Zoey asked, confused. "They're friends... Did Mike break Sam's Gameguy too? And Sierra's smartphone?" She gripped her head again. "But why?" _

"Because your boyfriend has multiple personalities!" Noah said, extremely annoyed, still tired. "Why is she surprised that Mike would do something weird when he's got other personalities!"

"Well, Vito wouldn't do that to Cameron unless I asked him to." Anne Maria protested, spraying her hair to get it back in place from being woken up. "I bet it was that Malevol-ant one or whatever."

"Wait, Mike broke my Gameguy?" Sam asked, late to the punch.

"Yeah, sorry dude." Geoff shrugged. "It's this other personality of his or something."

"Aww man, I thought Mike was my friend." Sam sighed.

"Do not worry, Sam, Mike is still very much your friend." Dawn smiled at him.

_"Look at my hand." The camera switched to a second confessional, as Sierra pointed to her empty hand. "It looks so weird without my phone!" She said, pulling her hands closer to her chest. "And without my phone, do I even exist?" She looked around nervously. "And if I can't talk to him, does Cody exist?" She gripped her head in fear._

"I'm pretty sure I exist." Cody poked his stomach. "Yep, still there."

"Maybe it's in your best interests for Sierra to think you don't exist." Noah said. "That girl is one step away from kidnapping you and forcing you to have-" Noah continued, but Cody put his hand over his mouth.

"I don't want to hear about that!" Cody said, shivering.

_"Zoey, can you see me?" Sierra stepped out of her cabin and looked at Zoey, who was busy staring at Cameron. "Am I here?" She continued. Cameron put his glasses back on, only for them to break again. "Aaaahhh!" Sierra screamed right in Zoey's ear, and Zoey recoiled._

_"Ow... What was that for?" Zoey looked indignantly at Sierra._

_"I thought you couldn't see me!" Sierra explained._

_"What?" Zoey asked, her ears apparently blown out by Sierra's scream. _

_"I thought I was invisible." Sierra smiled. "Thanks Zoey." She walked back into her cabin._

"The thought of an invisible Sierra scares me." Cody said, looking extremely panicked. "She'd be able to spy on me all the time!"

"An invisible Sierra..." Noah pondered. "Yeah, that's up there on my top ten fears."

"What's your biggest fear? You didn't last to the phobia challenge." Trent said.

"And I'm glad I didn't, in retrospect. Besides me, Zeke, Tyler and Cody here, everyone who ranked higher than us had to compete in most of the seasons." Noah shrugged. "And look how well it turned out for Zeke."

"So, what's your fear, fruitcake?" Eva pressed.

"Oh, normal stuff, you know, Zeke, psycho killers, mutants, Australia in general..." Noah listed off on his fingers. "That's pretty much it."

"I thought you said you were afraid of-" Owen began, before Noah cut him off with a glare.

"That's. It." Noah growled.

_"What?' Zoey asked, still confused and unable to hear her._

_The camera switched to the spa hotel, where whistling was heard. It faded into the dining hall, where Alejandro and Heather were eating dinner, Alejandro whistling through his nose and bobbing his head to the tune. "Ugh, do you have to whistle through your nose while you eat, Windy?" Heather got up and moved closer to him, throwing her hand down on the table._

"Yeah, cause if he thinks Izzy is falling for it, he's wrong." Izzy piped up. "His nose-whistling is nowhere near as cute as Big O's." Izzy patted Owen on the head.

"Awww, thanks Izz'!" Owen grinned.

"You can whistle through your nose?" Sam asked, confused.

"Yep!" Owen grinned, and he began whistling the Canadian national anthem through his nose.

"Sweet!" Sam smiled. "Teach me how to do that!"

"Ugh, that's just weird." Jo said, rolling her eyes.

_Alejandro glared back at her for a second, before pushing his dinner aside. "Heh, typical Heather." He left the table and walked off. Heather gasped and her eyes widened._

_**Confessional:**_

_"Typical Heather? He calls that a comeback?" Heather asked, annoyed. "It's like he's not even trying..." She said, then got another wide-eyed expression. "It's like he's lost interest in me." She looked around, worried._

"Why does she keep pretending she doesn't care?" Noah looked annoyed. "It's obvious she likes him."

"She's afraid of rejection." Dawn said. "It's sad really, she's ignored by her parents and she's too proud to admit she loves Alejandro."

"Ok, you do know what a rhetorical question is, right?" Noah glared. "We've gone over this before."

_"No one has EVER lost interest in me!" She glared and pointed at herself._

_The scene switched to Alejandro's confessional. "To get the upper hand, I must throw Heather off her game." He mimed throwing her with one hand. "And so far, so bueno. Muy bueno." He kissed his hand._

_The camera switched over to a shot of the setting sun, before switching again to Courtney standing on the balcony of the spa hotel. "I feel like I'm missing something." She sighed. "But what?" She looked in front of her to find a little bird was standing on the branch next to the camera. The bird was unusual, however, in that it looked almost exactly like Scott, from its orange feathers down to little freckles on its face. "What could it possibly-" She began, cut off by the little bird laughing, it sounded just like Scott. "Scott!" She gaped. "I actually miss that scuzzball!"_

"Ok, hold the phone, why does that bird look like Scott?" Noah looked confused and shocked at the same time.

"It's so cute!" Dawn grinned. "Even the resemblance to Scott can be forgiven." She smiled.

"It doesn't just resemble Scott, it looks just like him!" Noah groaned. "Why does it look like him?"

"Does it matter, Fruitcake?" Eva glared.

"Yes, it does! What are the odds that a bird that looks just like him even exists? And that it shows up right when Courtney's thinking about Scott, and that it sounds just like him?" Noah insisted.

"The odds are incalculable, Noah, without a full readout of the birds species and the normal coloring of the species as well as Scott's genetics." Harold interrupted.

"I wasn't literally asking!" Noah groaned. "Why does no one around here understand rhetorical questions?" He sighed.

"You are kind of overreacting a bit, Noah." Cody smiled. "It's just a bird."

"Ugh." Noah groaned again.

"What I want to know is why Courtney's interested in Scott!" Justin jumped in for the first time in the past two episodes. "I'm much more handsome than that farm boy."

"She obviously just likes bad boys, Justin." Trent patted his band mate on the back.

"I can be bad!" Justin whined.

_"I wonder how he's doing on Boney Island." Courtney looked around._

_"Yoo-hoo," The camera cut to said island, Scott looking for the invincibility statue. "Invincibility statue, come to papa!" He poked at a random bush with a stick to weed out any animals hiding in it. The bush rustled and a bear came out, yelling from being poked. "Ahhh!" Scott screamed, before his head was grabbed by a robotic claw, lifting him up and away from the bear. "Hey, what the-!" He said, as the bear lunged at where he was just standing. The claw retracted to reveal it was in fact Chef piloting a helicopter, and he grinned and began flying off with Scott in tow. "Ha, later sucker-ah!" Scott laughed at the bear, before he was hit in the back by a tree, and hit again by the next tree, screaming each time._

_"Evening campers!" Chris cheerfully announced over the loudspeakers. "Gather round the starting line for a BIG announcement." The camera switched to everyone at said starting line._

_The copter's blades spinning were heard, and a dusty, scratched up Scott was dropped onto the ground. "Ah!" He screamed. When he landed with a thud, he groaned._

_"Ohmygosh, are you ok!" Courtney quickly knelt down to his level, worried. _

"Courtney? Caring about somebody?" Leshawna smiled. "Well who'd have guessed?"

_"Why wouldn't I be?" Scott got up and dusted himself off. "That was nothing." He laughed, before his spine made an odd cracking noise as he stood up. "Ugh." He moaned._

_"Well... good, because we have a challenge to win!" Courtney turned away from him, embarrassed."Get it together!"_

_"Uh... Yes Ma'am!" Scott paused for a second, but ultimately perked up and saluted her._

"Scott just agreed to do something for someone else. What is wrong with this picture?" Noah groaned.

"Dirtboy must really like her." Jo laughed. "That's why I don't have crushes. They force you to compromise your defenses." She looked triumphant, meanwhile, Brick had an extreme look of dejection on his face.

_**Confessionals:**_

_"Maybe it's cause Pappy's in the army and Mama's a waitress..." Scott pondered, hand on his chin. "But I kinda like taking orders!" He smiled, pointing to himself._

_"My only interest in Scott is as an ally, really!" Courtney insisted. _

"Aw, phew." Justin smiled, actually buying it.

"Courtney's in luurve!" Izzy grinned, giggling.

_"Sure he's cute, but in a sloppy, rustic sort of way... Like a shack with nice curtains, or a donkey wearing a wig." She smiled._

"Wow. That's her best compliment." Noah said, dumbstruck.

"If I went up and asked someone out by telling them they were like a donkey wearing a wig, I'd get beat up." Cody said.

"You'd get beat up just for asking, Gap-tooth." Jo laughed.

_"Good news, you guys." Chris walked up to them, wearing a safari hat. "As a special treat, it's time for an extremely dangerous nighttime challenge!" He looked at his watch for a second, but then looked back up._

"So that's why we've been called up at three AM for this stupid show." Jo growled.

"Ooh, I was awake!" Izzy grinned. "I sleep during the afternoon so I can watch you all while you sleep!" Everyone looked up in shock at this, scared. "What?"

"I was up reading tea leaves with B." Dawn smiled, B shrugging.

"Oooh, well come on, details!" Owen grinned.

"Oh no, Owen, B is just a good friend." Dawn smiled.

"Sure..." Owen laughed.

"No, I'm not kidding." Dawn smiled again. "B is not interested in romance at the moment."

B looked slightly annoyed at this, sighing. "I think B can talk for himself." Trent added.

"I'm not sure he can talk." Jo said. B groaned and glared. "Sorry dude, I mean, if you can talk, you should."

B looked resigned and opened his mouth, but before he could speak, a loud crash was heard, and Izzy groaned, having fallen onto Owen. "Sorry guys!" She laughed.

"Izzy, B was about to speak!" Owen coughed. B glared and huffed, and refused to speak again. "Aw, c'mon buddy!" Owen grinned, poking B. B simply pushed Owen away from him, smiling slightly.

"Can we please stop bugging the mute and just watch the show?" Eva growled.

_"How is this 'good news'?" Gwen asked, air quoting 'good news'._

_"Entertainment value, hellooo." Chris explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "This one is gonna be ratings gold." He explained, Chef rolling up a TV with a map of the island on it. "In a nod to season fours buried treasure fiasco," He began._

"Being buried alive sucks." Sam added for clarification.

"I still can't believe they buried Gwen alive." Trent glared at Chris's image on the TV. "Oh, and you." He added sheepishly.

_"Your challenge is to race to the far end of the island." The map updated itself with a trail."First team to get EVERY member across the finish line wins." He added. "And, someone from the losing team will be taking the big flush." He pointed downward. _

_"Sounds easy enough." Duncan shrugged._

"Why do they always say that?" Noah asked. "Everyone knows it's never that easy."

_"It does, doesn't it." Chris grinned cheekily as the map rolled away. "But, tonight's full moon is an extremely rare blue harvest moon, and let's just say, it has an unusual effect on the island's animals." He explained, before laughing evilly._

"See, told you, gosh!" Harold laughed.

_"Villainous Vultures, you won the last challenge," He turned to the villains. "So, you get this map with the fastest route across the island." He pulled out a map. "Heroic chump-sters," He addressed the worried heroes. "You get to wear nifty bacon hats, and sausage tails." Chef walked over to the heroes with said meaty apparel. "Which, should add to the fun when you come face to fang with the island's friendly creatures... and by friendly, I mean hungry." He laughed._

"Doesn't this seem dangerous?" Beth shivered.

"What isn't on this show?" Noah said.

_"If the villains have a map of the quickest route..." Mike whispered to Cameron conspiratorially. _

"Mike's getting game!" Eva smiled, impressed.

_"We should follow them!" Cameron finished. "Great idea, Mike!" Suddenly, Zoey appeared behind him and whispered something in his ear, Cameron gasping. "He did what?" He looked nervously up at Mike, who didn't seem to notice._

"Why is everyone so afraid of Pointy?" Jo scoffed.

_"This will be a piece of cake." Heather walked up to the other villains with the map in hand._

_"On your mark." Chris announced._

_"Ah, you mean a piece of pie." Alejandro sighed, correcting Heather._

"No one says that, gosh." Harold said, annoyed.

_"Get set." Chris continued._

_"Listen you-" Heather leaned down to his level, but was cut off by Chris's air horn, which sent everyone running._

_The scene cut to Cameron and Mike running together. "Mike, why'd you break my glasses?" Cameron asked, confused._

"He didn't break his glasses directly, he tripped him." Noah corrected.

"Who cares?" Eva glared.

_"What?" Mike gaped. "I didn't! Who told you that?"_

_"Zoey made me promise not to say she saw you do it." Cameron explained, before realizing his mistake. "Oops, sorry Zoey." The camera panned out to show Zoey running behind them._

"Cameron's terrible at keeping secrets, isn't he?" Cody said, smirking slightly.

"My great great great great great grandfather invented keeping secrets, yah. Before him, everyone just shared uncomfortable facts with everyone!" Staci blurted out, before covering her mouth and looking extremely sheepish. "Oh my gosh I'm so sorry I couldn't keep it in much longer!" She said, scared.

_"Seriously?" Mike looked worried, then sighed. "Aww man, I don't know what's been up with me lately, I haven't been able to summon my other personalities for days, and now I think I might be sleepwalking and breaking things and-ugh, I'm so sorry Cam." Mike apologized._

"Awww, poor Manny!" Lindsay pouted.

_"It's ok Mike, I forgive you." Cameron smiled. "And I promise I'll help you figure it out, whatever it is!" He declared, before running straight into a tree due to his poor eyesight._

_"You're a great friend Cam." Mike said, not noticing Cameron had been knocked aside. "Uh, Cam?" He looked back, and the camera cut to Cameron, who was still crumpled into the tree. As he fell, Sierra ran by and caught him._

_"Don't worry Cody, I'll be your eyes and ears and as many nostrils as you need me to be." She grinned happily, Cameron blinking in fear as he realized who had picked him up. _

_"Cody?" He said. "Uh, you mean Cameron, right?"_

"Ugh, I hope she makes it to the final two." Cody grimaced.

"You want her to win?" Noah asked, incredulous.

"No, I want her to be as far away from me for as long as possible." Cody shivered. "Which means her making it to the finale."

_"Sure, heehehehehee." Sierra laughed creepily, before stopping and gasping. "You guys, look!" She pointed upwards, dropping Cameron to the ground. Everyone looked up in fear at where she was pointing._

_"What in the world?..." Zoey gaped, looking up at the moon, which had turned an unearthly shade of blue and emitted a pulse of moonlight._

"Ok, this is getting freaky." Bridgette whispered.

"Ooh, I like this!" Izzy clapped her hands. "I bet I turn into a werewolf!"

_"Blue moonlight?" Cameron said in awe. "Extraordinary!" The camera switched to a bear pinning a small squirrel against a tree, before the pulse of blue moonlight washed over them, and the squirrel growled, launching itself at the bear, who only cowered in fear._

"I told you the squirrels were evil, Noah!" Izzy grinned. "Toold yooou!"

"It's the moon." Noah groaned. "Squirrels aren't normally evil."

"The moon turned that poor innocent creature into a killing machine!" Dawn shivered.

"Aww, don't worry." Trent smiled, patting her on the back. "At least it won't get eaten now."

"Thank you, Trent." Dawn smiled sweetly. "I'm glad you're finally reaching out to someone and getting over your remaining emotions for Gwen."

"Uh... you're welcome?" Trent backed up slightly, creeped out a little by her sudden soul reading.

_The Scott bird from earlier was seen flying through the air, launching itself at an intern who was outside the hotel. "Ahh!" The intern quickly shut the door, but that didn't stop the bird, it crashed through the door and continued its assault._

"Seriously, no one's bothered by the fact that the bird looks like Scott?" Noah asked again, annoyed when everyone shook their heads. "Ugh, I swear, it's not normal!"

"And the moon is?" Cody smirked.

_The camera focused back in on the moon, before panning out and revealing a herd of bunnies growling. One jumped up near the camera and roared._

"Looks like we know where Bunny went." Geoff smiled.

"He could get hurt!" DJ screamed.

_The moonlight pulse washed over Mike, and he gasped, his hair falling over one eye, indicating the Malevolent one's return. "A blue harvest moon, how fortuitous." He laughed, pulling his hand together in an evil manner._

"Fort-two-itus?" Lindsay turned her head in confusion. "What does Manny mean?"

"That's not Mike!" Dawn shivered.

"Fortuitous means to happen by a fortunate accident." Harold explained.

"Why is Pointy being affected by the freaky moon?" Jo asked. "I thought you said only animals were affected by it."

"Quite correct!" Harold pulled out his old Sherlock Holmes hat and smiled. "I'd say Mike is an anomaly, my dear girl."

"Please take that off." Leshawna glared at her boyfriend, who sheepishly took the hat off.

"Don't call me dear!" Jo growled.

"And what's that about Jo being a girl? You crazy?" Lightning said, scrutinizing Harold. Jo snarled and slapped Lightning across the face. "Sha-what was that for?"

"Figure it out, dumbass!" Jo yelled.

_**Confessional:**_

_"Seems that this blue harvest moon has brought me back," The Malevolent One smirked, air quoting the blue harvest moon. His voice was much deeper than Mikes and it reverberated without any source. "Now that I'm in control, I'll torment these peons a little."_

"Boy, Mark's evils side sure says a lot of funny words." Lindsay said, worried.

"He gives me the willies." Owen shivered.

"Izzy doesn't like him, he seems like rotten ham." Izzy growled, crouching on Owen's shoulder.

_"But first, I have to sound like Mike." He smiled, then coughed, pushed his hair back up and widened his eyes. "Hi, I'm a bug-eyed weirdo and everybody loves me!" He pointed at his face as he did a fake smile. before laughing evilly. "Perfect."_

Jo burst out laughing at Mal's impression of Mike. "I like this guy." She smiled.

"Yeah, but he's evil!" Brick stuttered.

"Yeah, he's broken some geeks toys, but that's mean, not evil." Jo defended him.

"Hey..." Sam said. "I resent that, you know."

"Besides, why do you care?" Jo accused Brick, poking him in the chest.

"I just don't trust him, that's all." Brick insisted, face slightly red.

"Don't get your panties in a wad, Brickhouse, it's not like I like him or anything." Jo said, annoyed.

_"What was that, Mike?" Zoey looked at Mike? suspiciously, causing Mal to cough and sweep up his hair._

_"Uh, just, y'know, sweet moon!" Mal said nervously, putting a hand on Zoey's shoulder and smiling. Zoey accepted this and walked off with a smile on her face._

_Meanwhile, the villains were stopped by the sudden appearance of an alligator, which was thumping its tail against the ground, paying close attention to Heather. "Um, since when do gators do that?" Courtney asked, Scott standing behind her with his hands on her shoulder._

"What is he doing with his hands on her shoulder?" Justin gaped. "He will pay for advancing on my princess!"

"You weren't even dating." Noah said, annoyed.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Justin said quickly.

"As in, she can date who she wants." Leshawna said, also annoyed. "I get y'all had your heart set on her, but if she wants to date Scott, she can." She looked a little more sympathetic as she patted him on the back.

_"This moon is like no other," Alejandro explained, walking forward. "It must be causing the animals to become their opposite!"_

_"Wow, Alejandro!" Heather looked up from the map, her eyes sparkling heavily and her voice oddly sweet. "You're so smart!" She swooned._

"Ok, so she's affected by the moon too?" Jo glared at Harold. "Only affects animals my freaking ass!"

"Gosh, I'm sorry!" Harold jumped back. "This wasn't in my prediction!"

"Stop hating on my String-bean!" Leshawna glared. "So what if he was wrong?"

"Sorry, sorry, I'm just tired." Jo sighed.

"Are you feeling all right?" Brick asked, worriedly.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Jo looked confused.

"You just apologized." Brick said.

"No I didn't, shut up." Jo snapped.

_"Excuse me!?" Alejandro looked extremely worried by the sudden change in personality._

_"Who's a little boojiboojiboo, you are, yes you are!" Heather began to hug the alligator tightly, cooing. All the villains recoiled, Scott still using Courtney as a boundary between him and Heather, Alejandro cringed._

"Ok, this is just weird." Beth said. "Heather being nice?"

"Awww, maybe Hannah's gonna be a nicer person forever?" Lindsay grinned.

"That would be nice." Beth smiled.

"This is plain old creepy." Noah said, eyebrows raised.

"She's faking it." Dawn said.

"Really? How can you tell?" Trent asked, curious.

"Her aura isn't tinted blue like the moon, nor are her thoughts pure and free of malice." Dawn explained, as if that made perfect sense.

"You can read thoughts?" Trent looked impressed, if a touch creeped out.

"Not all the time, only when they are strongest." Dawn smiled.

_**Confessional:**_

_"I've never seen Heather be so sweet and kind!" Alejandro said. "And it is terrifying!" He rubbed his arms in fear._

"She is creepy." Cody said, shivering. "Not, like, Sierra level creepy, but pretty creepy."

"You judge things on a scale of from normal to Sierra?" Noah smirked.

"Yeah, it works pretty well." Cody smiled. "There's normal, then Dawn, then Izzy, then Zeke, then Sierra." He set up an imaginary scale, placing everyone on there.

"Sierra ranks higher than Zeke?" Trent asked.

"Hey, Zeke might be crazy, but he doesn't root through my garbage and post what I had for lunch on tweeter." Cody shrugged. "Plus, he's not a problem on a day to day basis."

"What about two days ago when he was here?" Noah said.

"That doesn't count." Cody insisted.

_The confessional cut away to several birds with sharpened teeth flying at Sierra, who dropped Cameron yet again to intimidate the birds. "Back off, stay away from my Cam-Codykins!" She shrieked as the birds lunged at her, Cameron running away._

_Several bunnies stood in a row in front of Scott, Gwen and Courtney, growling. One bunny roared like a leopard, causing Gwen and Courtney to abandon Scott. "I'm not gonna be taken down by a gang of bunnies." Scott looked down at the massive herd of angry rabbits, only to have three lunge at him. "Ahhhh, help! I'm being taken down by a gang of bunnies!" He screamed._

"See, Bunny's doing fine!" Geoff smiled. "He can take care of himself."

"Oh..." DJ said, still worried. "Now I'm worried he'll hurt someone!"

_**Confessional:**_

_"I wasn't SCARED of those bunnies, I was surprised." Scott insisted. "Totally different." He said, before a familiar growl caused his eyes to widen in horror. "AHHHH!" He screamed, before looking at the camera. "Uh, um, I mean, ARGH!" He changed his scream into a threatening yell._

"Bwahahaha!" Jo laughed. "Man, these idiots keep getting funnier!"

"Awww, he's so cute when he's scared, right Sadie?" Katie squealed, much to the annoyance of Eva.

"It's too early in the morning for your shit, ok?" Eva growled.

"Oh, sorry Eva!" Katie said, voice still high and annoying. "Like, we forgot you were there!"

"Just CAN IT!" Eva yelled, making a threatening gesture with her fist.

_"Uh oh..." Zoey began backing away slowly from a small duck, which was advancing towards her menacingly, quacking._

"Ducks shouldn't be scary." Beth said, shivering.

"Ducks are just chickens that swim." Tyler said. "They want to kill you just as much as chickens."

"I don't think that's how ducks work, Tyler." Noah said.

"Why are you scared of chickens?" Bridgette looked sympathetic.

"I'm not telling you, you'll laugh." Tyler shook his head.

"I promise we won't." Bridgette smiled.

"Hey, I ain't promised anything." Anne Maria butted in.

"And I know I'm already laughing." Jo smiled.

"Ok, most of us won't laugh." Bridgette sheepishly amended. "I see your point."

_A bird lunged at Duncan as well, Duncan ducking. "Woah, that's it, I'm out!" Duncan ran off._

_Mal grinned as he watched the chaos, and when Cameron came running by, he pulled him and leaned closer. "C'mon, now's your chance to get away from Sierra!" He motioned over to Sierra._

_"Won't that hurt her feelings?" Cameron asked, worriedly._

"Run away while you still can, Cam!" Cody yelled.

_Zoey continued to back away from the duck, while Sierra was being tormented by a bird pecking at her head. "Ow, ow, I think it's using Morse code, ow!"_

_"She'll be fine, she's got Zoey." Mal grinned, clearly pleased by her pain. "Anyway, we should make sure there's no danger waiting up ahead," He smiled falsely._

_"Well, if you're sure..." Cameron said, Mal fishing for a stick on the ground._

_"Hold on to this stick." Mal smiled, holding a long branch in his hand. "That way we won't get separated, c'mon!" He waited until Cameron had grabbed on to the stick, and ran off, Cameron screaming as he was dragged along._

"Why do I get the feeling he's going to stab him with that stick?" Noah said.

"Izzy normally likes scary movies, but this one sucks!" Izzy blew a raspberry. "It's so obvious that they're gonna go into the woods and Mal will abandon Cameron to get eaten by the bunnies!"

"Eaten by bunnies?" Owen looked up at his girlfriend. "That's a little, uh, specific."

"Izzy has a hunch!" Izzy grinned.

"Well, if you have a hunch, then it must be true." Noah rolled his eyes.

_Sierra dropped her hat on the ground and the birds swarmed it, before the duck scared them off and put it on for himself. "Phew." Zoey said, relieved. "Is everybody ok?" She asked, "Hey, where are all the guys?" She looked around. _

_"Huh!" Sierra gasped. "Cam-Codykins!" She screamed. _

_"Ahhhhh!" Scott screamed, still being chased by the ravenous horde of bunnies. _

_"Hurry, there's no time to waste!" Alejandro and the rest of the villains ran after Scott, before a loud bite sound was heard. _

_"Ow, ow, ow!" Scott screamed, running back, a bunny biting his butt. "Ow ow ow!"_

_"Hurry up, Heather, you have the map!" Alejandro called back to Heather._

_Heather was still cuddling with the alligator."Yay!" She threw up her arms and got up, running to catch up, the alligator happily waved goodbye. "Running!"_

"Ok, nice Heather is really creepy." Sam cringed. "I didn't even know her, and she's kinda weirding me out."

"Dakota protect Sam." Dakota smiled, patting Sam on the head.

_"Good work guys!" Heather ran ahead of everyone else, passing Courtney and Gwen. "We're halfway to the finish line, yippee!" She leapt up and began skipping ahead of the group. "This is fun!"_

"Ok, she's weirding me out too." Leshawna said. "Heather being this nice was _not_ meant to be."

_"O-k, this is sufficiently weird." Gwen said, nervously looking at Heather. _

_"I know!" Courtney said as the camera showed Heather happily skipping along. "Why is Heather being affected by the blue harvest moon?"_

"It's a mystery!" Harold grinned, pulling out his trusty keyboard from TDA and pressing a key. "Gosh I missed you," He cradled the instrument.

"Uh, Sugar, don't do that." Leshawna took away the instrument and put it behind them.

"Sorry Leshawna." Harold sighed.

_"Maybe she's part wolf?" Gwen asked awkwardly, both of them laughing before Courtney coughed and realized who she was talking to and glared at her, running up ahead._

"Man, she really hates Gothball." Jo gaped. "I mean, really hates her."

_**Confessional:**_

_"So...close..." Gwen sighed._

_The camera switched to Cameron being lead ahead by Mal. "You've had trouble accessing your other personalities ever since the beach challenge, right?" He asked in clarification. "That's when Scott hit you over the head with a shovel," Mal seemed to be slowly getting fed up with Cameron getting closer to the truth. "Maybe that's the cause."_

_"Wow, Cam, you may just have a point!" Mal rolled his eyes and whipped the stick around, sending Cameron flying off a hill, hitting a rock and tumbling down. Mal's hair slipped down and he grinned as Cameron fell._

"Called it!" Izzy grinned, unaware that everyone else was freaked out.

"That is not cool." Leshawna glared.

"Yeah, Cameron's a weakened team member, and you never leave your weakest teammate." Brick stated, meaningfully starring at Jo.

"Ok, ok, I get it, Mike's nutty side isn't nice." Jo said, grumbling.

_"Ow, ow, woah!" Cameron screamed as he tumbled, finally falling to a stop, disoriented. "Sorry," He moaned. "Lost my footing." He got up. "Where are you?" He called out for Mike. "Mike?" He asked. "Where'd you go?" He turned around as he heard rustling, screen blurred to match his eyesight. "Mike, is that you?" He focused in on the source of the noise, a small bunny. It twitched its nose and tilted its head, Cameron smiling weakly. It suddenly roared and reared up, exposing its sharp fangs. "Uahhh!" Cameron screamed, backing up against a nearby tree. "Mike? Anybody? HELP!" He screamed as the bunnies advanced. The camera backed away into Chris's recording studio, Chris laughing, four reels of footage playing. The middle one showed Cameron being menaced by bunnies, the last two were of an empty forest, but the first had a silent and unnaturally tall man standing motionless in frame._

"Wait wait wait!" Cody shrieked. "Pause it, pause it, paauuse it!" He whined.

"It's already paused, calm down." Noah glared.

"Look, look, there's a guy in the first tape!" Cody insisted, pointing at the TV.

"Wooah!" Izzy grinned, walking up to the TV and poking it. "Guys, he doesn't have a face!" She grinned, again oblivious to everyone's fear. "That is so cool!"

"Oh come on, Izzy, he has to have a face!" Noah walked up to the screen and looked closely. "Holy crap, she's right!" He exclaimed.

"But people are supposed to have faces!" Lindsay said, scared. "How does he eat without a face?"

"Aw come on, guys, he's just some freak in a business suit. Hell, maybe he's one of the producers." Jo protested. "Stop freaking out and get off me." She growled at Brick, who was shivering, clutching Jo's arm. Jo shook him off and glared at him.

"The producers have faces, Jo, I've met them." Geoff said, scared and annoyed at the same time.

"Well maybe they hired a new one?" Bridgette smiled nervously.

"I talked with them yesterday about doing the Aftermath again for the next full season." Geoff explained. "There wasn't some freaky tall guy with no face yesterday."

"Maybe he's nice?" Beth suggested weakly.

"What kind of nice person goes out in the middle of the night on creepy film sets/islands and just stands there staring at the camera?" Noah replied.

"Sierra?" Bridgette smiled.

"Ok, besides her." Noah amended his previous statement.

"Producers!" Jo interjected. "I'm still sticking with the producer angle."

"It's a mystery." Harold grabbed his keyboard while Leshawna wasn't looking and pressed a key, grinning. "Sorry Leshawna." He smiled sheepishly.

"Hey, why hasn't anyone asked Pixie Chick about this?" Jo said, turning around. "Hey Dawn, who the hell is this guy?"

"I... I don't know." Dawn whispered. "He has no aura... nothing." At this, most of the contestants began whispering among themselves.

"Ok, guys, can we please stop freaking out?" Bridgette tried to calm everyone down, calling everyone to attention. "Let's just watch the episode, ok?" She smiled.

"I'll call the producers, babe." Geoff said, pulling out his phone. "They edited the episode, so they'll know who he is." Everyone seemed to calm down at this.

"Oh my gosh, Sadie, it's so freaky!" Katie whispered to Sadie. "Like, it's like that one movie we watched together once!"

"Oh my gosh, I remember, the one where we ran out of the theater screaming?" Sadie asked.

"Yeah, that's the one." Katie nodded. "Isn't this just like that?"

"Oh my gosh, it is!" Sadie squealed. "It's like a real movie!"

"Hey Dakota, this is just like my video games!" Sam said, happily. "It's scarier in real life though." He sighed.

"Dakota not scared." Dakota smiled.

"Well yeah, but you're like a super awesome mutant babe!" Sam explained. "I'm just Sam."

"Hey dudes!" Geoff called out, getting everyone's attention again. "The producers said they have the situation under control."

"Yeah, but they said that about Zeke." Eva glared.

"I've still got bite marks, if anyone wants to see!" Izzy interjected, pointing to a spot on her arm.

"Anyway," Geoff continued. "They said they're investigating the man who appeared in the episode..." He explained. "And that I'm not allowed to call them at four in the morning ever again." He sighed, sitting back down and turning on the TV.

_"Who will make it to the other side of the island." Chris announced, ignoring the tall man in the background. "And, who's about to become a serving of teen cuisine?" He asked, raising his arms. "Stay tuned to find out, right here, on Total Drama All Stars!" The show faded out._

_The scene faded back in on Cameron being cornered against a tree by the rapidly advancing bunnies. "Somebody, anybody, help!" He called out, back against the tree, bracing himself for being eaten. "Nice bunnies..." He whimpered, looking down at the horde of angry, growling rabbits. Just as one lunged for him, he was swept away by Sierra, who had swung in on a vine._

_She swung down to the ground and set Cameron down. "Oh that was close!" She grinned. "Better hitch you up for safekeeping!" She ran off, Cameron looking at her in fear. _

_"Hitch me up, what does that me-" Cameron began, before Sierra ran back carrying a bunch of reeds, she quickly began weaving them into a sling, wearing Cameron like a backpack. "Woah!" He screamed. "What are you doing?"_

"Ugh, flashbacks." Cody shivered. "I don't know how babies deal with those things, they're terrible!"

_"Don't worry, I'll never let you out of my sight again!" Sierra cooed. _

_"But-but..." Cameron protested, Zoey running past them. _

_"Let's go!" Zoey commanded. _

_"Never?" Cameron asked, worried._

"Why is Zoey ok with that?" Cody said, annoyed.

"Why was everyone ok with Sierra slinging you around during the Africa challenge?" Noah challenged. "Face it, everyone's just accepted that it's easier to just ignore Sierra than to deal with her."

"But-" Cody began. "Ugh, whatever." He sighed.

_"Ugh, a rope bridge?" The camera cut to said bridge across a chasm, Gwen groaning. "Obviously it's a trap." She said. "We should go around."_

_"That'll take three times as long!" Courtney countered. _

_"Well I'm not crossing that thing." Gwen pointed at the rickety bridge and walked away. "And anyone with any brains will follow me." She added._

_"What if you get lost?" Alejandro asked. "Every member of the team must make it over the finish line for us to win."_

_"Besides, if you don't come with us, we'll miss you SO much!" Heather grinned sweetly, Alejandro shivering from her niceness._

"Awww, Helia is being such a sweetie!" Lindsay smiled.

"This is really creepy, bro." Geoff said. "First Mike goes all crazy, then Heather, and then that weird guy? What's going on?"

"It's the moooon!" Izzy waved her arms around mystically, oohing and aahing.

"You do creepy sound effects really well." Owen smiled again.

_"If you take that detour, you'll cost us the game." Courtney said to Gwen as she walked away, before gasping. "That's your plan, isn't it!" She pointed accusingly. "Admit it!"_

"Wow, is everything Gwen's fault now?" Trent said, annoyed. "I got over Gwen because she was happy with Duncan, can't she just stop being psycho and deal with it?" He glared, before pausing. "Wow, that came out a lot meaner than I expected, sorry."

"You've got a point there, Guitar Pick." Jo said. "Wow, got to write that one down for later." She smiled.

"I'm just glad you didn't call me something related to nine." Trent shrugged.

"I couldn't think of one in time." Jo said. "Not a lot of things related to nine that work as nicknames."

_"I'll see you on the other side!" Gwen called back from further down the trail. "Y'know, if you make it!"_

_"Good luck!" Heather waved goodbye._

_**Confessional:**_

_"Talk about gullible!" Gwen laughed. "Anyone who's ever seen a movie knows that the rope bridge always breaks!" She explained. "Also, I'm pretty sure Heather has rabies." She calmed down for a second, glaring at the camera._

_The camera cut back to Mal holding one of the birds in a death grip, the bird snarling and bearing its (surprisingly existing) teeth. "Who wants to help me make someone else wet their pants with fear, huh?" Mal grinned at the little bird._

"Eep!" Brick jumped slightly. "Mike is really creeping me out."

"Suck it up, he's not that scary." Jo glared, hiding a slight look of fear on her face as well.

_"Hold on a second." The camera showed Duncan walking by, Duncan turning around and looking suspiciously at Mike?. _

_Mal looked surprised and coughed nervously, pushing his hair back up. "Hey, Duncan." He said slightly shakily and deeper than Mike's normal voice. "Man am I glad to see you!" He said stiltedly, looking around shiftily. "I uh, got lost."_

"Ok, he's creepy as hell, but he's a terrible liar." Noah scoffed.

_"Yeah right." Duncan rolled his eyes. "Seriously dude, where do I know you from?" He looked closely at Mike._

_"Uh, Total Drama season 4?" Mal asked nervously._

_"Nah, I know you from somewhere else, I just can't put my finger on it." Duncan said, stroking his chin. Mal suddenly let go of the angry bird._

"I think Duncan knew Mike!" Lindsay finally caught on.

"Uh, duh." Jo glared. "She's right, but I don't think it was Mike he knew." She looked as if she had figured it out. "She knew Mike's creepy personality!"

"That makes a lot of sense, Jo!" Brick smiled. "But the other personalities called him The Malevolent One."

"Malevolent, shmalevolent, whatever." Jo shrugged.

_"Yikes!" Duncan ran away from the bird, which chased after him._

_Mal laughed evilly as Duncan ran away, the hair falling over his eye again. "Toodles." He grinned._

_"Come on guys," Heather began walking up across the bridge. "Nothing to be afraid of!"_

_"Except you." Alejandro muttered._

_"Maybe someone brave should cross it first and make sure it's safe!" Heather's eyes sparkled as she clasped her hands together._

_"I'll do it!" Scott raised his hand to volunteer."Back home we have a special way to cross these bridges." He explained, then put a hand on his chest and coughed. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" He began screaming and flailing his arms wildly, continuing until he had made it all the way across the bridge. "Like I said, nothing to it!" He panted._

"Well, it worked, I'll give him that." Noah shrugged.

_Scott shrunk back when he saw a small beaver looking at him, chittering. "Um, are beavers normally nice, or normally evil?" He called back to the others, before the beaver lunged at him, latching onto his hand. "Ow!" He ran back to the bridge, the beaver letting his hand go in favor of chewing the rope holding the bridge on one side. The beaver chewed through the rope before running off to attack Scott again, the bridge falling to one side. _

_"No!" Everyone screamed. "Ugh, not helping!" Courtney yelled over to Scott, _

_"Ow geyow, MY BUTT IS NOT A CHEW TOY!" Scott screamed and ran around like an idiot., the beaver clamped onto his butt. _

Jo burst out laughing again, and Brick rolled his eyes. "What's so funny about this?" He asked.

"A beaver is chewing on his ass, and you're asking me what's funny about this?" Jo snickered. "His butt is a chew toy!"

"Ok, it's pretty funny." Brick tried to keep a straight face, but snickered and relented.

_"Good job, keep it busy!" Alejandro said sarcastically, yelling over to Scott. "Shall we go?" He smiled at Heather._

_Everyone slowly began shuffling across what was now a tightrope. "Agh-oooh, if I don't die on this bridge, I'm going to kill Gwen for taking the long way around and costing us the challenge." Courtney glared, shivering in fear of the drop._

"What did Gwen even do?" Cody groaned. "Choose the right path?"

_Suddenly the board Heather was using for balance broke, and Heather began to fall. "Woooah!" She screamed, before Alejandro quickly grabbed her hand and kept her from falling. "I knew you still cared!" She said, voice back to normal from her moon entranced state._

_**Confessionals:**_

_"Now who's typical?" Heather leered, smirking. "Sucker." She folded her arms. "As if the moon affected me." She grinned. "But as long as I keep him guessing, I'll always have the upper hand."_

"She _was_ faking!" Trent laughed. "Guess you were right, Dawn." He smiled.

"I suspected that she was faking, yes." Dawn said.

"Suspected?" Noah blinked. "You flat out said she was faking."

"I did, didn't I?" Dawn smiled.

_The confessional switched to Alejandro, glaring at the camera. "How dare she trick me?" He pouted. "I should have let her fall." He looked up, and slapped himself. "Urgh, estupido!"_

_"Ow, ugh, ow ah!" Scott was hugging a tree as the beaver continued to bite at his pants. Courtney looked worried and pulled the beaver off of Scott._

_"Chomp this, freak!" She walked back over to the bridge and used the beaver to saw off the final rope, causing the bridge to fall. _

_"Now the other team can't use the bridge!" Alejandro said. "Brilliant plan, Courtney!"_

_"But if Gwen can't make it around the pit, the bridge is no longer an option, is it?" Heather rebutted, back to her normal grumpy self._

_"She's right," Alejandro changed his tune. "Terrible plan, Courtney!"_

"Sha-whipped." Lightning insisted. "Every dude on this show except for me is being stupid for some girl!" He smirked. "Even Brick and Jo, and they're both dudes!"

"How many time do I have to tell you, I'm a chick!" Jo growled. "I have boobs!" She yelled, emphasizing her chest. "And I don't like Brick!" She blushed.

"Whatever, if you want to pretend to be a sha-chick, I'm cool with that, but you totally like him." Lightning smirked, before Jo lunged at him. "Sha-wha?" He dodged the punch.

"I will kill you!" Jo growled, before Brick grabbed her arms and kept her from fulfilling her statement. "Lemme go!" She snapped at Brick. "I'm gonna knock Sha-dumbass here a new one!"

"It's not worth it." Brick said, trying to stay calm as Jo pulled away from him, face flushed red. "He's not worth it."

"Sha-why is he so pissed?" Lightning asked obliviously.

"Dude, _she's_ mad at you because you called _her_ a dude!" Geoff explained.

"It's pretty obvious." Noah groaned.

"The Lightning ain't stupid!" Lightning said, dodging another punch from Jo. "Jo's clearly a guy. I mean, what kind of girl is named Joe?"

"It's." Jo growled. "A." She pushed Brick aside. "NICKNAME!" She screamed.

"Wait. So what's your real name?" Brick stopped her for a second, Lightning taking his chance to hide behind B, who shoved him aside.

"Mary...Josephine..." Jo mumbled, face tomato red.

"Huh?" Brick cleaned out his ears with one finger, confused. "What did you say it was?"

"Mary...Josephine." Jo mumbled again, annoyed and slightly louder.

"Did you say Mary-" Brick began, before Jo shoved her fist into his mouth.

"Shut. Up." Jo blushed, taking her fist out of his mouth, she wiped it off. "Gah, when did you last brush your teeth, soldier?"

"Jo, that's a pretty name!" Brick smiled sweetly. "And I don't normally brush my teeth at three in the morning." He said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Just kiss already!" Izzy shouted from the back of the room, and both Brick and Jo blushed intensely.

"Izzy, can it." Eva defended her friend. "They can kiss when they're ready." She snickered.

"What is with all the interruptions?" Noah groaned. "I want to watch the show and go back to sleep for another hour."

_"Whatever, that's Gwen's problem." Courtney scoffed, tossing the beaver off the cliff, the beaver fell down, flipping her off before it suddenly used its parachute to glide the rest of the way down._

_**Confessional:**_

_"If we lose this challenge, it's totally Gwen's fault, not mine." Courtney insisted._

"Gah, she's really starting to annoy me with this Gwen thing." Trent said.

"I bet you still like Gwen!" Izzy grinned, giving up teasing Jo in favor of a new teasing target.

"Maybe I do, but Gwen's happy with Duncan." Trent said defensively. "If she's happy, then I can deal with it."

"That's very noble of you." Dawn smiled. "Most people... for example, Courtney, spend their whole lives blaming others for breaking up with them."

_The scene cut back to Sierra and Zoey, Sierra still carrying Cameron in a sling. "Hey, where's Mike?" Zoey asked nervously. _

_"He ran off, I think something scared him." Cameron explained, confused. "Where's Duncan?"_

_"I thought he was with you!" Zoey said._

_The camera cut to Duncan, the bird still chewing on his sausage tail. "Wagh! This is SO not how I want to die!" He screamed. _

_"Agh!" Gwen yelled, waving the squirrels that were casing her away. "Get away from me you little freaks!" _

_"Gwen!" Duncan yelled, grabbing his sausage tail and spinning it around, using it as a whip. "Heads up!" He tossed the bird and tail past the squirrels, who all stopped in their tracks and chased after the bird. Both Duncan and Gwen sighed in relief. "So, tell me"_

_"Tell you what?" Gwen turned and faced him. _

_"Y'know, now that you and Courtney are on the same team," Duncan smirked. "What has she said about me?"_

"Seriously?" Leshawna folded her arm crossly. "Boy's still after Courtney?"

"Ugh." Trent groaned.

"Oooh, someone's still in lurve!" Izzy poked Trent.

"Please stop, ok?" Trent sighed, pushing Izzy's finger away.

_"Are you kidding me?" Gwen glared at her boyfriend. "How does such a big ego fit inside such a teeny tiny brain?" She poked Duncan's head. "She hasn't said zip about you, ugh!" She groaned, walking off._

"Whoo!" Cody grinned. "I've still got a shot!"

"Cody, give it up." Noah groaned. "If Duncan's got too much ego for her, then she's not going to be interested in a Casanova wannabe."

"I thought your name was Conny!" Lindsay looked confused by the new name for Cody that Noah had accidentally planted in her brain.

_**Confessionals:**_

_"Duncan." Gwen growled. "Know what's most uncool about him?" _

"That he's dating you?" Cody quipped. "Boom, just thought of that!"

"Cody..." Noah groaned.

"What, I had to!" Cody grinned sheepishly.

_"How he's still obsessed with Courtney." She complained. "That's so uncool it burns!" She groaned._

"Well, that too." Cody smiled.

_"What is her problem?" Duncan frowned. "Of course Courtney talks about me." He smirked._

"Man, he's being a jerk!" Tyler said. "I'd never look at other girls while Lindsay is around." He smiled at Lindsay happily.

"Thanks Tyler!" She grinned happily.

"I'm still surprised she's remembered your name for an entire year." Brick smiled.

"Of course I remember his name, I never forget names, Mortar!" Lindsay corrected Brick, smiling.

"That's not even close to Brick!" Jo laughed.

_"What else does she have to talk about, Scott?" Duncan laughed. _

"So far, he's treated her a hell of a lot better than you treated her." Leshawna frowned.

"I could treat her better." Justin butted in.

_"She's just using him to make me jealous!" Duncan insisted. "Well, good luck with that." His eye twitched as he smiled falsely._

_"Gwen!" Courtney called out. "Ugh, where is she?" She threw up her hands in annoyance._

_"Maybe she's at the finish line already?" Alejandro suggested. _

_"Ugh, the bridge is out!" Zoey complained, reaching the cliff. The camera switched to Mal holding a large club (or stick, really) over his head, sneaking up behind her and raising the stick to finish the killing blow. "How are we supposed to get across now?" She didn't seem to notice that Mal was right behind her._

"Ooh, this is the part where we yell 'LOOK BEHIND YOU!' and then the she looks around right before he kills her!" Izzy grinned, completely disconnected from reality.

"Is... Is he going to kill her?" Cody shrieked, clutching his chair.

"I-I think so." Noah said, genuinely frightened.

"Isn't someone going to do something?" Bridgette asked. "I mean, if Mike's actually going to murder Zoey, the producers would do something, right?" She said weakly.

"Don't worry, I'll protect you!" Geoff smiled, holding Bridgette's hand.

"I'm not worried about me, Geoff, I'm worried about them!" Bridgette said, annoyed.

_"Hey Mike!" Sierra said, causing Mal to drop his stick._

_"What?" Mal said, voice deep, before putting up the act again. "Hey, there you are!" He smiled falsely, putting his hand on Zoey's shoulder._

"Run away!" Beth urged Zoey.

_"Mike, where'd you go?" Cameron asked._

_"Sorry Cam, a bear chased me away." Mal lied smoothly, Zoey's eyes widening. "But it's ok, I think I shook 'em."_

"But I thought the bears were all nice now!" Lindsay said, not getting that he was lying through his teeth.

"He's lying, babe." Tyler explained.

"But that's not very nice..." Lindsay pouted.

_"But with the weird moon, wouldn't a bear be all sweet and cuddly?" Zoey protested, causing Mal to glare at her, although she didn't notice._

_"Right, right!" Mal laughed, slapping his forehead. "Oh, I'm an idiot."_

_"I know how we can cross the pit!" Sierra grinned, laughing. _

_**Confessionals:**_

_"Oh boy, you know you're in trouble when the only person with a plan is Sierra." Cameron looked worried._

_"Obviously Mike is lying," Zoey said, confused. "What's going on with him?"_

"Your boyfriend has a psychotic alternate personality that just tried to murder you!" Jo yelled. "Get a clue!"

"Oh my, I hope that Mike can escape Mal's clutches before something bad happens." Dawn sighed. "I should consult the tea leaves again."

"Mal?" Brick asked. "Who's that?"

"The dark one possessing Mike's mind." Dawn said, frowning.

"You mean the Malevolent one?" Brick asked, still confused.

"He has many names." Dawn said. "The Mountain King, Mal, The Malevolent One, they are all names that fittingly describe him."

"I think Mal fits best." Jo said. "The other names are stupidly long."

_The scene switched to that of Sierra clutching a long rope that they were using to swing across. "I don't know about this..." Zoey said._

_"Trust me!" Sierra grinned. "Without my smartphone, my other senses have become heightened." She explained. "Just hold on tight and try not to think about it!"_

"Oh boy, this is a great idea." Noah rolled his eyes. "What could possibly go wrong?"

_"Wait, what are we doing?" Cameron yelled, terrified. _

_"Hehehehe, something AMAZING!" Sierra laughed creepily, before she jumped, all of them screaming, before hitting a tree on the other side and falling off the cliff. Sierra held the rope in her teeth as she held on to the edge of the cliff._

_"Welcome to the finish line, villains!" The camera cut to Chris, standing right before the finish line. "Seems like you're still missing a player." He said, as they ran to the finish line, all panting._

_"What?" Courtney growled. "Gwen's not here yet?" She stopped in her tracks. "Gwen!" She yelled. "Ugh, I knew she'd sabotage us!" She closed her eyes, not realizing that a moon crazed deer fawn was growling at her. "AHHHH!" She screamed when she opened her eyes, the deer rearing up and snarling at her. "Seriously!" She screamed as she ran, before tripping and falling, the deer advancing towards her menacingly. _

"Courtney!" Justin yelled.

_Courtney braced herself, throwing a hand in front of her face, the deer opening its mouth, baring its ridiculously sharp fangs, before Gwen threw up a stick that it bit into. "You-you saved me!" Courtney said, surprised._

_"You'd do the same if the positions were reversed." Gwen smiled, fending off the deer._

_"Well..." Courtney bit her lip. "Of course I would..."_

"Yeah right." Noah said, annoyed. "She'd let her get eaten in a heartbeat."

_**Confessional:**_

_"No I wouldn't!" Courtney growled. "If our positions were reversed, I'd be one step closer to a million dollars!" She put her hands on her hip. "And Gwen would be deer food."_

_The deer finally broke through the stick and roared. The scene abruptly cut to Mal pulling Zoey up from the cliff, Duncan running past them. "There you are!" Zoey smiled._

_"We still have a chance!" Sierra smiled as they ran together to the finish line. The camera panned up to the moon, which emitted another pulse and turned back to its original color. The deer had pinned down both Gwen and Courtney, and was about to lunge for the kill when the moon pulse washed over it, and it stood up, completely normal, jumping off. _

_"Courtney and Gwen, the moon curse is over, hurry!" Alejandro called over to them, happy. _

_"They know it's over," Heather groaned. "They don't need you to narrate, Lolly-jandro."_

"Aw man, Heather's getting into the mean nickname thing too?" Jo groaned. "I should have used that."

"Well, you could still use it when he's voted off, Jo." Brick smiled, trying to make her feel better.

"I'm not speaking to you, Dog-tag Breath." Jo huffed, blushing.

_**Confessional:**__  
"She is so rude, so overbearing!" Alejandro put his fist in his hand. "I'm so relieved." He sighed happily, hand on his forehead._

_The camera cut back to the heroes, the moonlight pulse passing over Mal and causing him to gasp, Mike stopping in confusion, unsure of where he was. "How did I get here?" He looked around. _

_"Mike, hurry!" Zoey and the others had crossed the finish line, Zoey calling over to her boyfriend._

_"Oh!" Mike said, a second too late, running just as Courtney and Gwen crossed the finish line._

"Oh he is so eliminated." Trent sighed. "Hey, I owe you ten bucks, B." He said to B.

"You don't even know if he's gone yet!" Jo growled.

"Well, he lost them the challenge, so who else would they vote off?" Trent shrugged. "But I guess you're right."

_"And the villains win, again." Chris announced, frowning at the repeated loss of the heroes. All the villains cheered, and the heroes groaned._

_The camera switched back to the elimination campfire, the heroes filing in. "Ugh, wish I was on the heroes team." Gwen sighed. _

_"Aw, cheer up Gwen." Duncan leaned over on the peanut gallery counter, kissing her. "There, that should do it." He suddenly looked over at Courtney. "You think she was watching?"_

"Ugh, I think I really hate homeboy now." Leshawna groaned.

_"Ugh!" Gwen threw up her hands and shoved Duncan aside. "I can't do this anymore, it's over!"_

"Whoohoo!" Cody threw up his hands in celebration, before faltering when he realized everyone was glaring at him. "I'm sorry." He sighed, sitting down again.

_"W-what just happened?" Duncan looked around, eyes shifting. _

_**Confessional:**_

_Gwen sighed unhappily, hands on her knees. "I never thought it would end like this!" She looked at the camera. "When he kissed me on the plane after the London challenge, I felt fireworks." She put her hand on her chest in bliss. "This time, it was like being kissed by a shoe, the thrill is SO gone." She glared._

"Due, looks like you might have a shot with her again." Geoff patted Trent on the back.

"I-ugh." Trent began, but groaned. "I thought she was happy with him!"

"She was." Dawn smiled. "But Duncan is not a tethered soul." She explained.

_"Ok peeps," Chris began. "Each of you is a loser in your own right." He smiled. "But, the villains won the challenge, so, they've earned themselves another night of luxurious luxury at my spa hotel."_

"Redundant statement was pointless." Noah snarked, everyone except Harold and Beth blinked in confusion.. "Let me guess, none of you got that." He sighed.

"I did, gosh." Harold smiled. "Redundant and pointless are synonyms, and redundant means that it-" He began, before Noah glared at him. "Oh, it was rhetorical."

_"I volunteer for exile on Boney Island!" Scott raised his hand again._

_"Sure, I don't care." Chris shrugged._

_"What?" Courtney looked worried. "No!" She said, turning to Scott. "Why?" She asked softly._

_"Sorry babe," He put a hand on her shoulder. "I gotta find that invincibility statue." He smiled as the copter lowered its claw and picked him up again, Courtney sighing as he was carried away._

_"Ok people," Chris announced. "Tonight we-" He began, before Cameron interrupted him._

_"Wait!" Cameron got up._

_"Now what?" Chris glared. _

_"I volunteer for the Flush of Shame!" He yelled. _

"Sha-why would he do that?" Lightning asked, still cowering behind an extremely annoyed B.

"Shut up!" Jo snapped at him, causing him to shrink back so B covered him again.

_"Noooo!" Sierra yelled, crying. _

_"Cameron, why?" Mike asked him, worried._

Cody coughed. "Sierra!" He coughed again.

_"Sorry Mike, I'd love to help you with your, uh, problem," Cameron walked up to Mike, scratching his head. "But I just can't take any more of, y'know, this!" He pointed to Sierra, who was curled up on the ground, sobbing._

_"Oh, are you allergic to long grass?" She asked, still curled up. "I can get chains instead!"_

"Was she planning to do that to me at some point?" Cody shivered.

_"Well isn't this a perfect way to introduce the surprise twist." Chris grinned._

"Oh no, he said the S word..." Bridgette said, scared. "That's never good."

_"Today's ejected hero is tomorrows new villain!" He explained, everyone gaping._

_"What?' Cameron gasped, confused._

_"That's right!" Chris explained. "Instead of flushing Cameron, I'm sending him over to the villains side!" He said with glee, everyone gasping, Sierra sighing. "Sorry Sierra." He said without a hint of actual sorrow._

"Why would he do that?" Beth asked.

"He expected Mike to be flushed." Dawn explained.

"Huh?" Trent asked, confused.

"Chris is aware of The Malevolent One, and when Mike lost the hamsters the challenge, he intended to preemptively switch Mike over to the villains." Dawn smiled, as if it was obvious. "His scheme was written all over his aura."

"The things you know scare me, you know that?" Noah gaped.

"Why would Chris care about which side Pointy's on?" Jo asked.

"Even Chris is scared of The Malevolent One, Jo." Dawn said, shivering.

_Mike suddenly gasped and his hair flipped over his eye again and laughed, Mal returning, before pushing up his hair to look like Mike. "I'll find a way to help you, even from the villains side, I promise." Cameron said, smiling and extending his hand._

_"Gee, thanks, pal." Mal grinned, gripping his hand, and when Cam turned away, the hair flipped back over his eye._

_Cameron nervously walked over to the villains side, staring up at them. "Uh, hi..." He said weakly, waving as everyone glared down at him._

_**Confessionals:**_

_"Cameron doesn't know what he's in for." Mal laughed. "None of them do." He turned to the camera, moving his hand. "If I have my way, and I will," He pointed at himself. "Everybody loses." The camera pushed in on him._

"He is really creeping me out." Cody said. "I mean, he actually tried to kill Zoey and Cameron!" He shivered. "That's not ok!"

_"Seriously, Gwen can't do what anymore?" Duncan asked obliviously, not getting what she meant. "What is she talking about?" He looked worriedly at the camera. _

_"Think they've had enough punishment?" Chris walked up to the camera, smirking. "Yeah, me neither." He grinned. "Find out who's next to take the plunge when we return with another all new episode of Total Drama All Stars!" He announced as the camera did its usual fadeout._

"So..." Noah began. "We just learned Mike, or 'Mal'," He air quoted. "Is actually willing to kill the other campers."

"I'm kind of scared." Beth said, eyebrows knit together with worry.

"Yeah, no matter how awful Red's fashion sense is," Anne Maria said, annoyed. "She doesn't deserve to die."

"I'm going to go back to bed." Jo groaned. "I never want to be woken up this early ever again."

"I'll-I'll go with you, my room is next door." Brick smiled.

"I said I'm not talking to you, Brick." Jo glared.

"I don't know about you, but I'm calling the producers again." Bridgette said. "I don't think that they would be ok with attempted murder, no matter what the stupid ratings are."

"Good luck with that, Bridge." Geoff grinned. "Might want to wait a while though, they're still mad about me calling at four in the morning."

"I'm gonna go find Bunny." DJ walked out.

"Well I'm going to bed and if anyone wakes me up before at LEAST ten, I'm going to strangle them." Eva growled, specifically at Katie and Sadie.

"Omg, this was such a scary episode!" Katie squealed unhappily, watching as everyone left the room.

"I know, I mean, Mike tried to kill Zoey!" Sadie agreed. "That's like, only supposed to happen in movies!" Sadie began walking out of the room, Katie following with her.

"What I don't get is where that faceless guy came from." Cody turned to Noah as they left.

"Probably not our problem." Noah shrugged, walking out the door as the last person to leave the room. He couldn't help, however, jumping when the door shut behind him without anyone to close it.

AN; I shall now pose a pertinent question. What if Slendy really is the executive producer of the show? You can't tell me that wouldn't make sense.

This is literally one of my favorite episodes of the fucking series, ok? Mal TRIES TO BRAIN ZOEY WITH A CLUB! That's what really makes me like Mal a lot as a villain. As awful as all the villains are, none of them have ever tried to kill another person. Mal, he doesn't really care about the money, and while the other villains just scheme to eliminate the competition, Mal is the only one to try to _eliminate_ them permanently. Over the course of the twelve episodes he is in, he attempts to kill another contestant twelve times. None of the other villains even try once (besides Zeke, but he's not sane). And now you all know what I really think Jo's real name is, and that Izzy is a huge shipper. Also, I am so glad the comedy gods saw fit to let me write the words "I have boobs!" in a serious conversation.


End file.
